Friday, April 15, 2011

So frustrating!

Arghhh! I totally want to just hit the "delete this blog" button on here.

I realize that in order for this blog to work for me, I have to make a stupid entry everyday. Otherwise I'll just slip into my own secretive habits and it'll just be a writing outlet, not an outlet to actually walk in freedom.

I'm a very literal person. Black and White. Sometimes I can be the most disciplined person on the planet, but if I have no outward accountability, my momentum dwindles. It's annoying. Anyway, if I write down everything I eat, which sucks since that is focusing on food, but if I write down everything in a journal, which I have on my counter, then I won't cheat. Because, I don't want to write, "1/2 a tub of Ben&Jerry's" or "One dozen chocolate chip cookies" or "1 box Thin Mints in car on way home from store." Thankfully, I'm just that messed up that if I've said I have to write it down then I won't eat it...I know some people might eat it and not write it down my mind doesn't work that way.

I do want to tell you what this blog is NOT...

It's not a, "Hey! I achieved this goal and so can you! These are the steps!"

This is a processing place. I'm on the journey, I haven't attained it. No nirvana here...

Real, raw, uncensored. This is me in real life. I am this way in everything else, I just couldn't allow my food addiction to cramp my style, so I have stuffed it pretty well over the years. I've confided in a few friends but they are too safe.

Anyway, I am sharing at a retreat this weekend and have to head out the door. Ask me if I reveal my secret there...that's not why I've been asked to speak, but just maybe telling on myself to those strangers will help bring a little perspective.

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