The Face of Detox

*Warning!!!  There very well may be expletives.  I don't know.  I'll just see how it all flows out of me...I warned you!


No way.  No how.

Huh-uh.

I wasn't going to share this portion of my journey.  I mean, who in their RIGHT mind actually posts crappy pictures of themselves on-line?  Right?!  Except I was curious.

I'll get to that in a minute...

I swung by for a visit with my 96 year-old grandpa the other day.  I was curious.  I mean, 96 is up there, you know?  Now, think about it.  My gramps was born in 1917.  He isn't the face of youth, currently, but he's likely older than you.  I asked him what he ate as a kid, growing up...how often his mom made baked goods.  This was his answer:

"I ate a lot of vegetables and fruit.  We ate potatoes, too.  We had meat a few times a week, not at every meal.  We ate a lot of fish and chicken, mostly.  Eggs.  We had cake or cookies maybe once a month or maybe twice...for a birthday or something.  We ate fruit for dessert.  You know what the problem is with everyone today?  They're eating too many damned processed foods, it's making everyone sick and obese.  No one needs to eat as much food as we seem to think we need in America."

I didn't even ask my grandpa "What the problem was..."  I just was curious what it was that he ate as a kid.  My grandpa doesn't even know what the Internet is.  He has a cell phone he rarely uses and watches a TV at his retirement home in between naps, but it's not like he's done 10-15 years of research like I've done, either in books or on-line, to know we've both come to the same conclusion...

...so, yes, that means I could have just asked my grandpa this forever ago and saved myself a lot of work.  But, I'm grateful to do the research and also to have it confirmed through wisdom which comes from history and time.

So, as I said, I was curious.  With the holidays I ate my fair share of treats, albeit gluten free and mostly egg free, but I ate bites here and there of my major food allergens, along with a little wine over the season which I had been off of for 3 months.

And I was feeling more and more crummy.  In the mornings I felt as if I'd been hit by a truck.  My knuckles were getting stuck in an arthritic position upon wakening.  My sleep sucked.  My joints were achy.  My eyes were puffy and my skin saggy and grayish.  I had major sinus drainage, gas, bloating, and had gained, easily, 10 lbs, which I could tell by only being able to wear one pair of jeans by the end of break...the not-so-skinny jeans.

Knowing me, I had to do something radical.  So, last Wednesday after conscious indulgence of chocolate and wine and even a regular gluten-y, egg, and buttery cookie, I declared to myself I was going to start a fast Thursday morning...and I wanted to take a picture of myself each morning specifically to see if my face would brighten just from eating healthier food.

My protocol is a combo of things I've done over the years and read here and there, but the premise was to start out on water and cran-water with arabinogalactan from Biosanes while taking my supplements (fish oil, pro-biotics, women's multi) for the first 6 days (I set that because from last Thursday to tomorrow, my birthday, is 6 days) and then I'd add vegetables for a time.

Well, how it's gone so far is day 1 was all liquids, day 2 I had a lettuce salad with roasted veggies at dinner (Jason's belated work Christmas party).  Day 3 I had liquids, including a "Virgin Mary" consisting of V8 and Garden of Life Greens with a shot of Tabasco.  Day 4, a lettuce salad with roasted veggies and salsa for lunch and kale and broccoli for dinner.  Day 5 (today), clear liquids.  Tomorrow will be day 6 and I'll have a meal with my family of lettuce and more roasted veggies at dinner, but I'll document that when it happens.

Then, for the rest of January I am going to eat veggies, one piece of fruit a day, and will eventually add in fish one week, chicken the next, and beef/bison/buffalo the final week.  Maybe.  I might just stick with veggies all month.  Because I feel so clean already.

My doctor is on board with all of this (saw him today) and recommended a non-genetically modified soy protein if I am not going to eat meat the rest of the month, ONLY because I am also currently on week 4 of a 15-week lifting program called, "Lift Like a Girl."  I've got some pipes.  Don't mess ;)

So, starting tomorrow, I'll get you up to date, but, oh my gosh, let's just say, who the hell needs a picture of some other girls ripped abs or tight thighs to motivate when all I had to do was scare the hell out of myself by taking a first-thing-in-the-morning self-portrait?!  Actually, that was the cherry on top...the way I was FEELING was more of my motivation!  I took the pictures to see if how I felt matched how I actually looked in the mirror.

Yep.  It did.

But, seriously!  I'm not interested in looking at a picture of some other girl's great arms as inspiration...I'm more interested in taking charge of my own health, being a good steward of this temple God has called "me", and seeing my own healthy arms in the mirror one day.  Looking at a magazine with retouched pictures of women with rad bodies doesn't inspire me, instead it makes me want to eat more chocolate.

Looking at myself in these pictures has had the OPPOSITE effect!

So, without further ado, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap...*the following are untouched first-thing-in-the-morning pictures.  Brace your friggin' self!

Day 1- holy shit...Thursday, 1/3, Happy Friggin' New Year, Adrienne!  Point taken.

After one day of liquids and one seriously tough mother Zumba workout with the Amazing Ashleigh at HotFitness in Castle Rock, CO

Day 2 - okay...so I don't look like I was hit by a truck, right?!  Well, maybe a small one.  One day.  ONE, people.

Day 3 - feeling good, less sinus drainage, but joints still stuck in morning, and yes, I wore the same pajama shirt...

Day 4 - Em in background with her new short haircut,  looking a little puffy, likely from salt in salsa and roasted veggies, but feeling good, minus achy muscles from lifting like a girl.  Okay, yeah, I need to throw that shirt in the wash...

Day 5 - I wore an orange t-shirt to bed and it made the first picture coloration weird, so I slung a white towel over my chest.  Also was trying to avoid a porn shot of Jason in the shower behind me...anyway, woke up feeling great.  Sinus drainage almost entirely gone, no stiff joints this morning, just sore pipes.  No stinky gas or bloating.  And, and, AND I fit in my favorite jeans.  AND, and, And, I don't miss sugar or starches AT ALL.

 And here's a last pic I took just a couple of hours ago.  I do have on eye make up and some bronzer, which works friggin' miracles, but I wouldn't want to leave you with a horror shot from the previous pictures in your head.  You don't need nightmares.  I'm nice like that.

If ANYONE is interested in doing a Daniel Fast (which, by the way, ROCKS, when doing along with reading and studying the actual book of Daniel!!!) or just cleaning up and breaking free from food addiction (*reading THIS right now...) and want to join me here or share your experience, let me know :)  I always like team sports!

I don't know how to add a "Linky" but maybe someone who does could tell me...???

See you tomorrow, bright and early!  Ugh.

I Worship Food

I read The Message.  I have read the NIV for 25 years and just this year, in January, I started reading The Message as my daily bread rather than the other version I know all too well.  Making it my "daily bread" continues to be a process...sometimes I choose food.

I found this in The Message the other morning, "First you eat to live and then you live to eat."  I have found myself on the right side of the previous sentence, and let's just say, it isn't pretty.  And it isn't "right."

I'm not talking about appearances here.  I'm talking about priorities and the 10 Commandments.  I'm talking about that sentence, "First you eat to live and then you live to eat," and how the "and" is the balance for the teeter totter but I've tried to kid myself that even though I "eat clean" or avoid certain foods or know my allergies, that I'm actually "balanced."

No other god besides Me.

The truth is, I have lived to eat for so many years now that it's just become the norm.

And within Christianity, it's totally acceptable.  We should be ashamed.

No other god besides Me.

What started out as research to figure out what foods were causing bloating, gas, weight gain, dry skin, dark circles, constipation, burping, inflammation and arthritic symptoms, basically evolved into an addiction to "Food Porn."  For reals.

Why do I need an alternative to chocolate chip cookies?  Yes I'm allergic to eggs, wheat, and dairy, but to take so much time surfing the Internet to find that one amazing alternative recipe is time-not-well-spent.  Plus, I found the ultimate "alternative" recipe for chocolate chip cookies pretty close to right away, so looking any further has literally been wasted time.  And it's only led to more searching for more "alternatives."

And T.  I.  M.  E.  is my love language.

No other god besides Me.

So, here's a wake up call for me:  all the time I have spent in my life looking for alternative food recipes and worrying about being fat and bingeing on bags of chips and even allergen-friendly foods, all that time and energy, has added up to what?

I'll tell you.  It's added up to a lowercase god who has taken the place of my capital letter God.  The One and Only.  Except He hasn't been...He's been shoved aside as I've welcomed all the little guys.

No other god besides Me.

The time I've been spending in the mornings reading The Message and studying the book of Daniel, via a Beth Moore study, have shown me more than I wanted, but exposed everything in my deepest, darkest spots.

And the results?  Seriously gross stuff.

You see, when we allow all the lights to be turned on and the storage room emptied out, not all that is found and exposed will be helpful and useful.  Some of it, sure, yeah, good stuff, like certain tools and patterns of thinking or behavior that are healthy.  However, have you ever seen the show, "Hoarders?"

Sick and wrong.

Yet, that's what we have inside our lives when we lie to ourselves and believe we can stuff secrets or do it on our own strength or just muster up enough self-discipline, no matter our "vice."

The truth is, God is in love with each of us very, very, very much.  And He desires for a kind of relationship where there are no secrets between us and Him, but where there is total trust on our parts that He really is a loving God, very much interested in our intimate affairs.  He doesn't say, "No other god besides Me," because He is ego-centric.  He knows life's complications and He has all the answers...Imagine if I had always just sought Him instead of looking for instant gratification in food and other indulgences...

An old friend recently posted this song on Facebook and it's been on repeat for a few days now...I cannot get it out of my head or heart.

I know God is calling me on the carpet.

Listen a few times, google the lyrics, sit with it a few more times and ask yourself, "What in my life is an idol?"





Food has been my idol in one way or another for 30-some years.

I lay it down.

Again.

No other god besides Me.

God, I know You satisfy.  I have tasted.  You are Life.  The rest is temporary fulfillment.

So, on a practical note, one, I'm blogging this.  Two, I've told my dearest friends, openly, and, three, on Monday morning I'll be heading to Celebrate Recovery because I've been called to be a woman of God, nothing less.

Nothing less.

Feeling Good!

I'm just over two weeks into this thing.

I feel good.

I feel clean.

In fact, my brain feels healthy and that is of utmost importance to me, even above and beyond my physical well-being.

I haven't followed each exercise day to a "T" but have done something active almost every day.  This past weekend we drove to South Dakota for a wedding and it rained for a majority of the time.  I didn't get out and walk like I thought I would, but we were so busy with wedding planning and preparation, I never had a chance to really sit, so I felt active.

South Dakota, as much as I love it, has historically been a place of overeating for me.  And over 21 years of many, many visits, I've allowed really fabulous memories of being surrounded by people I love dearly become intertwined with making poor food choices.  Every gathering centers around food and celebration, which is wonderful.  However, for the most part, the recipes have been high-carb, high-sugar, high-fat, allergy-laden, or just plain old out of proportion, for me.

Being on this cleanse and getting it into my head that I am allergic or sensitive to certain foods really empowered my mind to set the tone for the choices I made all weekend.  I wasn't sad that I was allergic to or avoiding a majority of the menus.  I was able to eat great meat, tons of veggies, and ample fruit throughout the weekend and am able to look back on the whole experience without one regret.

NOT ONE SINGLE REGRET.

For me, that is huge!  HUGE!

I hate regrets, especially when it pertains to food or excess intake of it, or a particular culprit.

Having a plan written out and a course of action in place for eating healthily has been a great help to me.  I encourage you.  You can make healthy choices.  It's not about how you look in the mirror...it's about stewardship.  We are given one physical body on this earth.  The one you are sitting in right now...that's it, baby.  Are you nurturing it with real life-giving foods or overloading it with "food" it does not comprehend, stuff found constantly in boxes, bags, and with dozens of "ingredients" you aren't able to pronounce?

It's about loving yourself.  If you eat that third piece of pie, you aren't "sticking it to the man" or giving an "in your face" to the person who hurt your heart.  They could care less if you are unhealthy.  You are only taxing your body, asking it to process two pieces more than it should.

It's about whether you can chase your kids at the park, fly kites with them, ride bikes, swim at the pool or lake with them and their friends, climb up into their beds to read at night, wrestle on the floor with them...

...and if you don't have kids, it's about being able to enjoy your friends, relationships, or spouse without obsessing about your back fat, taking a walk or going mountain biking or climbing together, canoeing, running, laughing, enjoying life together, instead of succumbing to being irritable, cranky, and feeling like heck because your brain is toxic from the wrong foods.

Just because I can't eat recipes with eggs, dairy, or gluten doesn't mean I missed out on anything this last weekend.

I actually got to take part and enjoy what mattered the most:  SPENDING TIME WITH SO MANY PEOPLE THAT I LOVE AND FOR WHOM I AM GRATEFUL.

*If you read this feeling sorry for me whatsoever, I would challenge you to start peeling off the layers in your own mind of what really matters and if you, indeed, have a food addiction.  If you believe I missed out on anything, food wise, I would challenge your thinking...

Day 2

Good morning!

Just so you can get an idea of how quickly my body responds to clearing out allergens and refined carbohydrates, let me share my journey from yesterday to this morning.

Yesterday I got up, had hot lemon water and spent some time with God.  I spent some time with Jillian Michaels doing one of her twenty minute 30-day Shred videos.  I drank tons of water throughout the day. I had a big green drink for breakfast (RAW by Garden of Life).  Ry and I got Em off to school, ran some errands, took both kids to the dentist, Em back to school, then Ry and I headed home for lunch.  I had an enormous greens and herb salad with 4-5oz of chicken, a Pink Lady apple, and some homemade dressing I made up w/Apple Cider Vinegar, Balsamic, stevia, 1 tsp of "21 Salute Seasoning" from Trader Joe's.  For dinner I made shrimp lettuce wraps with green onion, cilantro, mango, cucumber, ACV, turmeric, cayenne, smoked paprika, and salt.  (For the rest of the family I made a peanut sauce and rice noodles.)

I was not hungry all day.  I did not go to bed hungry.  In addition to lots of water throughout the day, I also had a little green tea with stevia.

Yesterday morning my weigh-in was 139.6 lbs.

This morning my weigh-in was 136.0 lbs.

I wasn't trying to lose 3.6 lbs in one day.  I just know how quickly my body responds to taking out culprits.

I did have a carb/sugar withdrawal headache last evening, but after a good night sleep, it's gone and I feel energized this morning.

Have a great day!  I just finished my morning Yoga and am going to get my kids some breakfast.

Cheers!

Monday, Monday

La la la la la la

Monday, the day after Mother's Day, I'll be embarking on this...

Feel free to join me, make your own, or just cheer me on.

And if you do join in, tweaking it to fit your life and allergens, leave comments and insight that will help motivate others.

Have a great weekend!  I'm going to eat like a Queen!  Or at least, I'm going to have a little wine and chocolate before the big cleanse :)

Dear Rick Bayless...

Dear Rick Bayless,

You really should make tortilla chips that suck.  Since you currently do not make tortilla chips that suck, namely the thick ones or the thin + crispy ones, there are times in my salty craving weakness where I am so tempted that I chuck the blood work which tells me I am sensitive to corn, and eat one quarter to a third of one of these bags of Satanic carbohydrates.  I do blame you for making such great chips, but I am in counseling and I know better than to blame you for them making their way from the store to my car to my cupboard to my counter to a bowl to my crunchy salt craving lips...and you guessed it, eventually to my hips.

For that I take full responsibility.  Let's just say my husband is lucky he's out of town...corn consequences on day two isn't pretty!

Mr. Bayless, your other products don't suck either.  They totally rock and jazz up my chicken and shrimp recipes pretty much once a week.  We are total fans of yours, including my 9 year old daughter who is aspiring to be a world class chef one day.

Thank you for your time!


Signed,

Adrienne Graves, Confessions of a 2nd Grade Closet Eater of really yummy Rick Bayless Frontera Chips, Authentic Mexican, Handmade, Taqueria-style, 100% Natural

(No I am not getting an endorsement from Rick Bayless or Frontera Foods, Inc. for writing this blog post.  However, if they do get wind of it and want to send me something for the mention, tell them not to send chips but rather that Jalapeno Cilantro Salsa...the chips make me fat and I. Can. Not. Resist.)

#thedevildidn'tmakemedoit  #ichosetoeatfoodthatisbadforme  #gonnafeelgreattomorrow  #nervouseating  #makinghealthierchoicesoncethebagisgone

In the Midst of it

I love and hate that we can be used to encourage others, in the midst of it.

For example, I don't love how I've allowed myself to eat without thinking more often than not over the last 2 months.  I don't love that the choices I've made about food have even crossed over my food sensitivity and allergy "borders" I had set up for myself.  (Gluten, dairy, eggs, and refined sugars.)  I don't love that I'm down to one pair of jeans, and they aren't the "skinny" ones.

I hate that the very thing my body needs to avoid in order to feel healthy and strong is the very thing it THINKS it wants/needs when I am stressed or stressed, or say, like, stressed or something...

But, even though I don't love being the example of failure, floundering, and picking myself back up again, I know I'm able to encourage others in the midst of it.

Now, I'm not saying any of you are in need of my encouragement, but for the last 2 hours I was on the phone with an old friend that I dearly love.  One I hadn't talked to in at least 3 or 4 years.  The kind of friend you just pick up where you left off...no neediness or wondering if we still love each other just because our lives are on different courses.

You know, a friend.

Anyway, she's in a health crisis, to call it what it is.  And she was told by her doctor a few years back she needed to make some major dietary changes to feel better.

But she didn't and now she feels worse.  She's in the midst of it.

I've studied and experimented on my own body enough over the last 15 - 20 years to know what foods have caused similar symptoms in me.  The times I have chosen to eliminate food culprits from my daily intake I have:  lost weight, gained tons of energy, felt stronger, had mental clarity, lost the aches and pains in my hands and knees, greeted my alarm clock in the morning with a smile rather than an iron fist, and had a positive thought life and outlook.

I'm not saying I'm a doctor or dietitian or nutritionist, so don't misquote me.

I am saying, though, from personal experience, trial and error, and sweat and tears, I know a process of eliminating foods that aren't good for me, and though her food culprits will be different because she's a different person, I can encourage her to find out what her culprits are, to see how she feels, to decide if eating those foods are really worth it or not, both the good foods and feelings and the bad foods and feelings.

The last 2 months were a temporary derailment in my own food and health life.

When I hit "send" on my friends email with the books she was wondering about, websites and helpful tips, I'm doing it all right along with her.

I want to encourage her while she's in the midst of it...in the midst of it.

The Psych Cycle

So, back to the Prochaska Cycle or whatever it was called. 

I burnt my tongue on a hot chocolate chip last Saturday morning.  When I make pancakes, modifying this recipe from Lexie's Kitchen (I add more baking soda for more fluff and use 1/2 honey, 1/2 agave), I have to add chocolate chips for Em and then chocolate chips, sunflower seeds and shredded coconut for Jason.  I then fancify the remainder of the batter with blueberries and lemon extract, but I feel like I already told you all this?!  Anyway, one of the chips from Jason's pancake stuck to the pan so I went in for it, raising it quickly to my mouth, forgetting, one that I wasn't eating chocolate, and two, that sugar burns flesh when it's hot.  Lesson learned:  only eat chocolate chips out of the freezer...or not at all...so probably the first option.

But really the point is, I wasn't eating chocolate. 

Let me back up a bit. 

Last Friday night Jason and I had a little party with some friends.  We called it, "Everybody's 40 Give or Take a Few Years." 

Yes.  You may use the title for your own 40th-ish birthday celebration.

Anyway, I started making recipes for the party on Tuesday.  This was a big mistake.  Big.  Because what can you make ahead that won't spoil all week?  Honey glazed walnuts with rosemary and cayenne pepper, sprinkled with sea salt.  Walnuts are good for you, but in moderation, clearly, and without the butter and honey.  Let's just say, I ate a lot of them.

And then, the thing that put me over the top was a recipe I found on the back of an All-Purpose Flour Mix box by Gluten Free Pantry for Chocolate Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread.  I modified it for high-altitude baking, added dark cocoa powder, substituted flax "eggs" for eggs, and shortened the bake time because I made them into cupcakes instead of a loaf.  And then I topped them with vanilla butter cream frosting that my dear friend Kim taught me how to make.  SO GOOD AND SO EASY AND SO NOT LOW CARB!

Ummmm.  Let's just say these sent me to the moon and back.  Oh.  My.  Word.  Even my friend who has always made fun of me for healthy eating and who hates squash of any kind enjoyed these little bad boys.

There is a reason I don't bake regularly.  It's the devil.  But I was baking for our party so thankfully others would eventually show up to help me consume the goodness...but not soon enough.

I mean, why do you think I didn't feel like posting my weight last Friday?  Walnuts and chocolate.  14freaking3.

And, I'm allergic to dairy, right?!

We had yummy wine on the menu so this meant I had a cheese platter.  This usually would have been a non-issue, like, "I just don't eat dairy..." but I bought good cheese.  And I made Martha Stewart fancy cheese balls.  And it was all yummy.

So, about that cycle of addiction, namely breaking the cycle and then getting caught up into it again.  Well, I guess we're always in it, spiraling upwards as we go through it time and again, learning as we do.  Anyway, over the last couple months I've been between "Maintenance" and "Preparation."  I'm ready for the "Action" part of my heart to kick in and get back into the groove of things.  My motivation and discipline suck right now.  It's like, "Screw it...I've gained 10 lbs this month.   I know how to lose it..."   

I just haven't cared, or loved myself, to make the right choices and keep the weight off.  And, I made a lot of those poor choices for the wrong reasons and the wrong people.

This is about me being healthy.  Being good to myself.  Trusting that God cares about this just as much as I do.  Breaking the cycle so my kids don't have to jump on the gerbil wheel.  This isn't about anyone else.  As selfish as it sounds, it literally just about me.

I think the partying is all behind me for a while so I can get into a routine again.  At least I don't have anything planned and if anyone invites me somewhere I'll just say no.  I have to, for me.

You see, I wasn't eating chocolate.  I was eating clean 6 days a week and then one day I would loosen up a bit.  But chocolate hadn't been on my "loosen up" list in a while.

Sometimes saying no to others is difficult because we don't want to hurt their feelings or offend them.  But I'm kind of over that.  I've put myself 2nd to others' feelings and "needs" more often than not and this is what has gotten me into this situation.

So, there you go.  If you are easily offended and ask me to do something to which I say "no."  It's not about you.  It's about me.  And it's about time that it's about me.  

I'm "Lo"

Today as I hopped on the scale for my weekly weigh-in (I was going to start weighing myself daily but weighing yourself every day the week of your period is dumb...) it said, "Lo."  Though, reading this when you know you are packing a little extra water weight really is kind of encouraging...even if it doesn't have anything to do with me :)

Of course "Lo" means the scale, one, can't spell, and two, needs a battery change but it's one of those lithium types that I don't just have lying around, so I need to plan a trip to the store.

But as I pondered the read out, "Lo," I thought, wouldn't that be nice if the scale read:

• "Low"
• "High"
• "Just Right"

Or even better, what if scales were more like personal coaches or motivational speakers:

• "You can do it!"
• "Way to go!"
• "You know you have what it takes!"
• "Get off you butt and MOVE IT!"
• "NO MORE EXCUSES!'

Or not have a scale at all.

Except that we still need ways to gauge our health.  For me, those ways are making a majority of my food choices from raw fruits and vegetables, juicing green stuff, eating lean meats and good fats, limiting my processed foods, avoiding my allergens and indulging once in a while rather than indulging all the time and having a veggie once in a while.

Anyway, the scale is broken, my kid is napping, I'm headed to the basement to hop on the treadmill, it's snowing outside, and I don't feel like going out to buy a new battery just to step on the scale to see what my weight is today.  I know I am down from last Friday, maybe a pound or so, just b/c last Saturday my scale did work and it read 137.6.  Whatever.  For my body, I know what foods to avoid in order to keep my weight around a certain number...I just have to decide to do it or not.  And this past week, I didn't make that choice...

Holy Guacamole!

I didn't realize how busy the last month was until I looked at the date of my last post here. 

Wowsers!  I feel like Fall and the beginning of Winter have gone by quickly already! 

Anyway, I blogged in my head a few times but I don't suppose I hit "post..."

I went to counseling the week before Christmas where my counselor gave me the assignment of drawing up a business plan.  Then we headed to Mexico to enjoy some time together as a family, as well as meet up with some of our dearest friends.  Our trip overlapped by 4 days so it was a great treat to my heart to make memories and swap stories with people we love.  My 16 month old did great, though he wasn't totally sure about sand.  My 9 year old had a blast spelunking for shells and chasing waves with her friends.  She also didn't mind the three day passes we got to enjoy at the all-inclusive where our friends stayed.

"What?  You mean I can eat guacamole and get fruity tropical drinks all day just because I'm wearing this ugly plastic bracelet?!  Cool!!"

And eat we did.  We stayed at another friend's place that had a full kitchen so we headed to the grocery store the first day and stocked up on avocados, fresh salsa, totopos (thick, thick corn chips found in Mexico that rock the chip world...), almond milk, cactus and bananas, oh, and pork rind.  Just KIDDING!  EWWW!  But seriously, they do have 2'x2' pieces of fried pork rind hanging in the deli section of the store.  My friend Russ from Louisiana would like that, but me, notsomuch.

Anyway, I have to tell you the good, the bad and the ugly.  There was no scale at the condo but I was on vacation and really my thoughts weren't wrapped up with numbers or if I was going to post a Friday weigh-in.  I was actually pretty proud of myself.  I knew from many past trips to Mexico, however, plus confirmed blood work that my totopo consumption would gradually catch up with me, but I wasn't freaked out about that either. 

I mean, I was actually relaxed and enjoyed my vacation.  That may not seem like a novel idea to you, you know...to relax on vacation, but in the past when my brain was in a bad place, food thoughts could ruin my outlook and attitude toward everything.

So, yeah.  I went through a breakfast buffet and chose yummy food in proper proportions with a healthy helping of fresh veggies and fruits as the focal points.  I ate more than the average helpings of guacamole and totopos every day.  I went through a dinner buffet and skipped over all my allergens and had just veggies and meat, even skipping the dessert because it just didn't look that great.  We ate at some fabulous restaurants and I ate normal portions of great quality food instead of filling up on stuff that was simply available...just because it was there.

It was like I had my head on straight or something crazy like that :)

And, for my friends out there that know of my love for Margaritas...well, I found a new tasty drink that is void of sugar that I now prefer over Margaritas.  I know!  You just spit whatever you were eating out of your mouth and your kid is looking at you, but it's true!  Tequila, a fresh lime and mineral water does the trick.  And if you want it sweet, like I did, I just added a packet of Stevia.  It's called a "Tequila Macho" and it's yummy.

I did discover another new yummy treat, especially if you aren't known to drink.  70% or higher chocolate, fresh dates (pitted, obviously) and raw pecans.  Take nibbles of each in one mouthful and it's super satisfying and yummy!  My friend salted hers which was an added bonus!

Did the chips catch up with me?

Yep.

In addition to some fancy bloating, I broke out in hives on day 5 of 8.  About 5 trips ago to Mexico when that happened I had to get a shot in my bomba (good thing I minored in Spanish in college and could navigate their local medical center!), but now I know why it happens and so, as hard as it was, I backed down from the chips.  And by "backed down" I slowed my consumption but I also knew that until I got my American buns out of Mexico, I wouldn't be able to resist totopo yumminess.  It helped.  The hives subsided and, literally, the morning after I got home to a chip free environment, the hives were gone.

And, a first.  I will tell you, I allowed my husband to take a picture of me in my bathing suit which literally I've only allowed while pregnant because I'm supposed to be rotund!  I always loved and embraced by pregnant belly.  And besides, no one knew my pregnant thighs were just as big when I wasn't pregnant :)  But he has known now for 20 years that a picture of me in a bathing suit is about as allowable as the Pope getting married.

The act of having this picture of me, and not deleting it already from the camera or computer, is a huge step for me.  I'm learning to love myself and chill out a little.  

I didn't bring home any Mexican gut bugs, but what I did bring home, though, was a renewed attitude, a better outlook, a fresh ambition for life in general and 3 more sun spots.

Oh yeah...I had a counseling visit after I returned from Mexico and shared my business plan with her.  I have another appointment next week, but first, starting tonight for the next 8 weeks, I'm going to a women's only group session...one on freedom from addiction.  

Happy NEW Year!  Happy NEW You!  Happy NEW Me!

(Here's the pic...I never said it was full-length, but it's a start for me.  And no, I won't be posting full-length pics of me in my suit eh-ver.  Just the fact that I wore one in public without a cover-up on from head to toe was a big deal for me.  I'm starting to embrace my almost 40 year old self and I'm good!)

Tracking

Besides last Friday, I haven't weighed myself in the mornings for the last week and a half.  This, surprisingly, isn't necessarily good or bad.  It's kind of neutral...kinda.  And by "kinda" I mean, it's neutral in my head because I haven't been obsessed with numbers lately, but as a way to track something tangible, I'm not ready to pitch the scale just yet.

I know some people don't own scales and go simply by how their clothes fit, or if they fit.  I didn't own a scale for over 15 years and went by that method...the only problem was I would just go buy new clothes when the other ones didn't fit.  And by "new clothes" and "didn't fit" I mean a bigger size. 

For me, one size on the label can span a good 10 lbs, easily.  Just because I can still zip the jeans doesn't mean they fit, per se.  Hello, muffin top!

And, another change that has likely occurred because I've been busier than busy is I haven't written anything down in my food journal in over a month.  This mode of tracking health, weight loss, food sensitivities and such is one thing I need to revisit.

Here's a link to another blog, Healthful Pursuit by Leanne Vogel, where the girl designed her own food journal entry form.  I am going to use it as a guide, but not all of the components work for me and I'm also not a fan that one print out equals one day...I like to save paper and am a bit of a minimalist when it comes to this, so I'll be tweaking this.  However, either way, it's a great resource to track food sensitivities and how my body feels after consuming certain foods.  And, it'll be a good way to track the reason why I ate...

I already know, for a fact, that if I even look at a grain, I puff up, like a hot popcorn kernel, a puffed piece of rice cereal, or like this guy...Okay, maybe not exactly like him, but I do retain fluids, feel bloated, have achy joints (especially my left knee, wrists and fingers), ringing in my ears, have dark circles under my eyes and plump sausage fingers upon waking, and feel groggy in the morning when I've eaten too many grains (any simple sugars) in a day. 

When I don't eat grains or literally eat them once a week, I have tons of energy, can spring out of bed, my skin clears, my joints feel fine, and overall, I'm a nicer person and just feel healthy. 

Everyone is different and what works for you may not work for me, and vice versa.

But, let me ask you this:  If you never eliminate a potential culprit, how would you even know if you have a sensitivity or not? 

You wouldn't.

As a mom to a one year old, this time around, I actually followed the doc's advice and introduced one food at a time to my baby.  Oh the novelty!  Sheer brilliance, I say!  This concept can be practiced with older kids and adults, as well, when trying to figure out food sensitivities and culprits, but instead of introducing foods, you are eliminating foods.  And though it's a little harder, it's not impossible! (My 9 year old is allergic to wheat and dairy but has eaten them since toddlerhood...guess how fun it is to eliminate cheesy-dillas?!)  Just find great alternatives, continue to serve them, and they'll either hate the new option and skip it altogether, or develop their palate for the new taste.  No one needs quesadillas, so it's really not the end of the world, for Pete's sake :)

The Elimination Diet isn't hard unless you are addicted to starches and sugars, dairy or your particular allergen. There's a lot of information on the website "The World's Healthiest Foods" linked in the previous sentence, but it's scientific and medically based, so take their advice, not mine, and above all else, listen to your own body and how you feel!  If you feel crummy, listen!  If you feel fantastic, that's your body saying, "More of that good stuff, please!"

I'm digressing!  My point is, I'm going to start tracking my food throughout the day again so I'm more conscious of what I'm eating and why, and then also track how I feel each day.  In the past I've written down my food intake for a number of reasons, but mostly just to track weight loss or gain.  Honestly, I am comfortable with that number on the scale from last week, but I'm more interested right now in knowing how I feel and which foods help me feel my best and which ones take me down dark alleys.  I've always been told to avoid dark alleys...

Counseling countdown:  3 days.  I'm looking forward to December 8th at 11:00 am when I head to counseling to talk about this more in depth with a professional.  If you are putting off that appointment, ask yourself why?  Why would you put off something that offers potential healing and freedom?  Maybe you don't need it, maybe just I do...but one thing I know is I am looking forward to this next season of my life...

...the season where I'm finally free to be me!

Searching for the Right Fit

There is a method to my madness.  I'm sure in your heart and mind you have a method, too.  It makes sense to you, but to onlookers, well, they just may not get it.

If you looked at my "Diet Reviews" you may have come away overwhelmed with all the ways of eating I have tried.

I feel for you.

How do you think I feel?

In trying out different "diets" over the years or ways of eating, if you will, I know that at the beginning I was looking for the quick fix for fat and weight loss, even if that meant compromise.

Now I am looking for what makes my machine run optimally.  I want to know, and practice, the way of eating and stewardship that helps me spring out of bed in the morning to meet the day, utilize the nutrients in food for energy and health, and eliminate and halt the autoimmune responses that are already occurring in my young body.  I'll talk about these in another post...

I have figured out some of my allergies, but I know that sometimes I eat something that seems like it should be a "safe" food and I bloat up or almost kill my family with noxious gas.  (Why lie?  This is an "honest" blog site...right?!) *This almost ALWAYS occurs for me when too many sugars/starches/grains/dairy have been consumed, fyi.

The point is, I need to listen to my body, love it, take care of it and give it nourishing, healthy, whole foods a majority of the time.

I take the time to feed my spirit and my soul through reading and prayer, but my body has been neglected and abused.

It's time in my journey to listen to my body and stop just watching numbers on a scale!

So, I am searching for the right fit...that is, the right fit for me.  And, I'm not talking about jeans or a number on the scale.  I am talking about a healthy way of eating, every day, not just a week here or a week there, but a lifestyle, that will have me feeling my best to face each day.

Every book I've read on diet and health allows for a "cheat day" or a "day off" where anything goes, or two cheat meals in a week.  So, with that understanding, I know I can make healthy changes and once in a while still have beloved chocolate or a plate of yummy gluten free pancakes.

As a result, I have done some research over the last several months.  There are three ways of eating, three different approaches according to style, but all with similar theories, I am going to test on myself over the next several months to a year to find what works for me.  My idea is to give each "program" or lifestyle 4 months.

Feel free to join me if you'd like, or try your own thing and share.  However, the criteria is this:  the program must have whole foods.  What are whole foods?  Whole foods are foods found closer to the original design of how God made them.  So, for instance:  an apple is a whole food, whereas an apple cinnamon sugar cereal with Red Lake#40 is not.  Therefore, if you try a system that is based upon processed boxed foods, powders and artificial sweeteners, and still lose weight, that's fine to share your celebration with those of us reading here, but as far as health goes, I won't ever recommend or encourage another person to go down that road, as well.  God didn't make Red Lake#40...He made red apples, red tomatoes, red peppers, red onions, red beets, red strawberries, red cherries...you get the idea :)

So, here are the plans:

• This Is Why You Are Fat (And How to Stay Thin Forever) - emphasis: cleaning up the organs, balancing hormones, ridding the body of sugar addiction, eliminating autoimmune diseases, building strong muscle.
• The Yoga Body Diet (Slim and Sexy in 4 Weeks Without the Stress) - emphasis: eliminating stress, eating according to your body type and body's needs, bringing overall balance, building lean, long muscle tissue instead of bulk.
• The Paleo Diet: Lose Weight and Get Healthy by Eating the Foods You Were Designed to Eat - emphasis: eating foods we were genetically designed to eat  (no grains, processed foods, or dairy), eating closer to the way "early humans" ate, protein/veggie/fruit/nuts, eliminate autoimmune diseases, build athletic muscle and performance.

I haven't decided in which order to begin, because they all seem pretty solid, but if you have one in particular you'd like me to try out first, by all means, let me know and put it in the comments.

If you have a friend that you know is struggling with similar issues, just wants to learn about a new way of eating and health, wants a fresh blog to read, or just wants to gawk at a lady on her search for freedom from addiction, feel free to share this journey with them as I share my own.

Maybe I'll even give away a copy of the book I'm following to a blog reader, just to make it fun for everybody :)  Details to come...