We leave in one semana, (week) for Espana. In addition to all the divertido (excitement) of planning this trip, I have shed some serious tears. I'll get to that in a minute...
Jason and I enjoy traveling. Mucho. I'm pretty sure our experiences as a young married couple working with Teen Mania Ministries in the summers, taking hundreds of teenagers overseas on trips, equipped us with a sense of confidence and ease we would not have otherwise known when it comes to travel. The President of TMM is Ron Luce. He started TMM when he was a young guy with a passion for youth ministry and equipping young people to share God's love around the world through short term mission trips. It's still going strong and has blossomed into so much more than only summer trips. The thing is, it's always been run by youthful people, and for this particular ministry, at least in my own life, it was a very good thing because it helped me learn Trust at an early age.
You see, I hadn't ever been out of the country other than to a Mexican vacation town with my family where I would eat shrimp, play in the tide pools, drink a lot of Coke on ice, and buy cheap trinkets to "decorate" my adolescent room. As the middle daughter of three girls, my dad was quite protective of us, even though I had wanted to go on mission trips here and there.
Then, 19 years ago, that is, one year after Jason and I were married, we celebrated our 1st of many anniversaries overseas...with lots of teenagers. We were Team Leaders in Venezuela, and next to a week of intensive prayer and late hours of leadership training in the classroom, with further training on a ropes course, where I incidentally spent one hour, una hora, 60 minutes, on top of a "Pamper Pole", crying like a baby while everyone else went to lunch, it was this experience that was supposed to make me, a 22-year old newly married "grown-up" responsible enough to take 13-18 year old kids away from the comfy American lifestyle for one month. I'm forever grateful for the real life, on the road, real-time, hands on training I received right in the thick of it.
It was there Jason and I found our traveling mojo. With a new found affinity for world adventure, our love of ministry and sharing these experiences with others, Jason and I saw how once we leave the comfort and ease and familiarity of our day to day lives, even with a bit of apprehension, Big World warnings, and the fear of the unknown, there is this flow of trust which occurs with God, the Creator of this World, and between the two of us, to just take one step at a time, not get freaked out, get to know locals and ask questions, for directions and recommendations, and to just. have. fun.
And so, even though we've been married 20 years and have been parents for 11 years now, even leaving Em for Mexico several times, Japan, and weekends here and there, we've never written a Will.
*I'll pause while you gasp...
And we're back.
The process hasn't been difficult as far as "stuff" goes because having loved Noah and lost him, we're not big "stuff" people, but let's just say, my sinuses were stuffed for several nights, crying myself to sleep thinking of who we'd leave our KIDS with and pleading with God to follow through and bless me with this promise He gave me a few years ago, trusting Him with the number of ALL OF OUR DAYS, and just NOT LIVING IN FEAR since anything could happen anywhere, any day of the week.
What does this have to do with "Operation Get Sexy for Spain?", you might ask.
Well, it helps me keep the fact I've even been married for 20 years to my very best friend, in perspective. It reminds me God is BIG and He loves me and loves everyone else and has a plan and sees a bigger picture, one we aren't able to see, but it's good and I can trust Him. I can trust Him with my heart, my fears, my STRESS and how I manage it, and allow my heart to be filled by Him in ALL things rather than quick fixes which will never satisfy, like salty or sugary carbs that don't actually FUEL my body.
Does God care how I look in a sundress in Spain? No. I highly doubt it. However, He cares about me, and you, because He hand-crafted us and knows us by heart, and He promises...He promises.
And you thought the two weren't related ;)
Showing posts with label #firstworldproblems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #firstworldproblems. Show all posts
Monday, August 5, 2013
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Short Challenge Info
Here's the deal...this isn't about weight loss. It's not a diet. I don't even advocate you hop on a scale or take measurements.
I'm not intending to lose any weight, actually, just so that is clear.
I feel good and want to remain feeling good.
It's just when I get stressed, historically I will eat...and preparing for trips, even though they are fun and exciting and once in a lifetime opportunities, stress me out. I don't love packing...
I don't know about you, but I will eat in an attempt to stop the stress but the stress only heightens because the focus of the stressful situation then shifts to wishing I hadn't eaten such and such and so goes the cycle.
Just to clarify, the challenge from last night is how I usually live and eat, when things are smooth and life is coasting along...although life doesn't just coast along and things get wonky and the flow hits a dam or cascading waterfall or tons of rocks that slow or heighten the flow and then I have to decide what I'm going to do...which is what I'm working out in the day to day and through counseling.
...am I going to turn to food or to God? What or Who will I let FILL me?
My plea is to have a group who will rally so I can stay strong and not freak out and say, "Screw it all, oh well, just pass the carbs and chocolate!" over the next week and a half. Because this is a #firstworldproblem and God is the Only One Who can deeply, truly, ultimately satisfy us at the core.
And so you know, I am going to enjoy myself in Spain, but for me that doesn't mean I'm going to go hog wild, because I don't want to feel miserable there, either...
Someone I love dearly, when I posted this on Facebook, said this, "You will look AMAZING in a bikini in Spain. Don't do it!!!! Who you are is beautiful, that is what makes the biggest impression!" I want to be clear, because here was my response, "I feel beautiful and already look good in my bathing suit, I just want to stay strong and not stress eat or slack on my day to day normal health routine while preparing, if that makes sense? Not doing something "new" or even a diet! I promise! It's just staying on track. Thanks for the loving!"
In a new favorite book I am reading by Bob Goff called, "Love Does," he says, "God is the master artist and made an original version of us, a priceless (piece) that cost everything to create. A version that can't and won't be created again."
My heart for this challenge is to continue to stay strong, to love myself, in the day to day, not with food rewards but in time with The One Who loves me and made me, treating this gift, this original version of me, a body He intricately designed, with grace, taking care of it, filling it with good, life-giving things He made, along with ample rest, and strength.
For some, this may be a radical change, for me, it's remaining faithful, keeping my eyes on Him, not even focusing on what I can and can't eat, but allowing my eyes to be on Him as I balance in the here and now.
I'm not intending to lose any weight, actually, just so that is clear.
I feel good and want to remain feeling good.
It's just when I get stressed, historically I will eat...and preparing for trips, even though they are fun and exciting and once in a lifetime opportunities, stress me out. I don't love packing...
I don't know about you, but I will eat in an attempt to stop the stress but the stress only heightens because the focus of the stressful situation then shifts to wishing I hadn't eaten such and such and so goes the cycle.
Just to clarify, the challenge from last night is how I usually live and eat, when things are smooth and life is coasting along...although life doesn't just coast along and things get wonky and the flow hits a dam or cascading waterfall or tons of rocks that slow or heighten the flow and then I have to decide what I'm going to do...which is what I'm working out in the day to day and through counseling.
...am I going to turn to food or to God? What or Who will I let FILL me?
My plea is to have a group who will rally so I can stay strong and not freak out and say, "Screw it all, oh well, just pass the carbs and chocolate!" over the next week and a half. Because this is a #firstworldproblem and God is the Only One Who can deeply, truly, ultimately satisfy us at the core.
And so you know, I am going to enjoy myself in Spain, but for me that doesn't mean I'm going to go hog wild, because I don't want to feel miserable there, either...
Someone I love dearly, when I posted this on Facebook, said this, "You will look AMAZING in a bikini in Spain. Don't do it!!!! Who you are is beautiful, that is what makes the biggest impression!" I want to be clear, because here was my response, "I feel beautiful and already look good in my bathing suit, I just want to stay strong and not stress eat or slack on my day to day normal health routine while preparing, if that makes sense? Not doing something "new" or even a diet! I promise! It's just staying on track. Thanks for the loving!"
In a new favorite book I am reading by Bob Goff called, "Love Does," he says, "God is the master artist and made an original version of us, a priceless (piece) that cost everything to create. A version that can't and won't be created again."
My heart for this challenge is to continue to stay strong, to love myself, in the day to day, not with food rewards but in time with The One Who loves me and made me, treating this gift, this original version of me, a body He intricately designed, with grace, taking care of it, filling it with good, life-giving things He made, along with ample rest, and strength.
For some, this may be a radical change, for me, it's remaining faithful, keeping my eyes on Him, not even focusing on what I can and can't eat, but allowing my eyes to be on Him as I balance in the here and now.
Monday, July 1, 2013
On the Road to Freedom
Today I did a CUH-razy thing.
I played at a splash park with my kids. In my bathing suit. Without a cover-up.
In public.
Even crazier than that, I ran full speed through the grass in my bathing suit, chasing my screaming/laughing toddler as he fled my water gun assault, all the while yelling, "More, Mommy, more!"
And the craziest of the craziest part of it all: I felt free! I didn't care. My thighs were flapping in the sun, but it was warm. Emily was chasing me as I chased Ryan and we were all laughing and playing and having what a majority of people would call fun.
And it was good.
I did experience a total sinus flush when Em and I ran through the fountains, but even then I didn't care. Instead of quitting, I stepped aside, got my bearings, did a fantastic farmer blow, and went back through the fountain. With my daughter. Because she wanted to play with her mom...and I wasn't being a lame-o, as I've been so many times in the past, sitting there, caring that my thighs don't look Photo shopped in real life.
I played with my kids. I mean, I play with my kids every day. But this time, I played with them in a bathing suit.
*If you even know what the heck I'm talking about*, then you know this was a step in the right direction on the road to freedom.
I hope you'll join me on this freedom road. There is laughter and weightlessness here. It's called living. Profound.
I played at a splash park with my kids. In my bathing suit. Without a cover-up.
In public.
Even crazier than that, I ran full speed through the grass in my bathing suit, chasing my screaming/laughing toddler as he fled my water gun assault, all the while yelling, "More, Mommy, more!"
 |
| In the far distance is Em in her striped bathing suit, I'm the only mom in the fountain with the aqua suit, Anthony is almost engulfed in a geyser, and Ry is positioned to shoot Miss Gina, who did not ask his mommy for permission to take pictures ;) |
 | |
| Sunny day collage with Gina and Anthony. |
And the craziest of the craziest part of it all: I felt free! I didn't care. My thighs were flapping in the sun, but it was warm. Emily was chasing me as I chased Ryan and we were all laughing and playing and having what a majority of people would call fun.
And it was good.
I did experience a total sinus flush when Em and I ran through the fountains, but even then I didn't care. Instead of quitting, I stepped aside, got my bearings, did a fantastic farmer blow, and went back through the fountain. With my daughter. Because she wanted to play with her mom...and I wasn't being a lame-o, as I've been so many times in the past, sitting there, caring that my thighs don't look Photo shopped in real life.
I played with my kids. I mean, I play with my kids every day. But this time, I played with them in a bathing suit.
*If you even know what the heck I'm talking about*, then you know this was a step in the right direction on the road to freedom.
I hope you'll join me on this freedom road. There is laughter and weightlessness here. It's called living. Profound.
Thursday, June 27, 2013
McBigFatProblem
I have a confession.
In the summer of 1988, my parents made me get a summer job. Apparently going to swim team in the morning for an hour and a half, then coming home to lay out in the pool for 6 more hours with a pitcher of sun tea and jug of baby oil, working on my tan lines, wasn't a real job.
Who knew?
I kid, but seriously.
I worked at McDonald's.
(*Pause.)
I will wait as you catch your breath, come to, reorient, whatever you need to do to continue reading here.
I will write that again in order for it to soak in...I worked at McDonald's.
We all have those jobs from adolescence we look back and are able to laugh at...and there really is so much to laugh at regarding this whole scenario. Oh, the irony! Hindsight brings such clarity, as well as research, educational films, websites, and nutritional books, but the information I've gleaned from this clarity isn't funny at all. The black leather Keds to go with my black polyester pants, Golden Arches on the rear pocket...that's funny. After only one summer of working there in my whole life, the fact that I can still say, "Hi! Welcome to McDonald's. My name is Adrienne. May I take your order?" Disturbing, yet funny.
Over the years learning about health and nutrition, eating as close to the way God created food in the first place, then feeling the effects of it in my body, as well as my brain and energy, do make me look back and laugh at this picture, but cringe I had anything to do with Big Brother and our rampant health crisis in America to any degree.
The idea I actually thought eating there on my breaks was still a good idea even after orientation and training, well, hindsight reveals this not funny at all! More of a brainwash session, really.
The owners were very honest, hard-working people who owned several franchises. Physically, they didn't look as if they ate at Mickey D's regularly. Our particular location was clean and well managed. All that to say, truth be told, the last time I ate there was while I was pregnant with Emily, first trimester. I wanted what the "SuperSize" guy craved: I wanted fat and grease. I drove through the Drive-Thru and had a cheeseburger, hold the mustard, not because I don't like mustard, I actually love it and craved it while pregnant with Ryan, but because I knew they had to make me a fresh burger if I put in a "special order." If you are into math, Em's entering 6th grade, so that's how long it's been...
What's the point of this post, besides making fun of my high school summer job? Well, let's just say, even as a high school kid, I knew deep down inside that smelling like a french fry every day for an entire summer, and eating a cheeseburger without mustard each day on my break, could not be good for me. Just like out of a commercial, the next summer and summer after, I worked next door at Subway.
Which is a totally different story altogether and a load of laughs for another post, but back to the point of this one...
God created our bodies to understand the foods HE created. And if God did make burgers, do you think He'd put up to 100 cows into one? And did you know He created them to eat grass? The stomachs of cows were designed to eat grass, not corn. But setting meat aside altogether since that's a hot topic, we wonder why we are sick and diseased, achy and growing old at an alarming rate, earlier than in history...maybe "alive" longer, but not really LIVING.
*Just something to think on: If God designed our DNA to understand the DNA in foods He designed, wouldn't it make sense that we feel better when we eat a majority of foods in the "whole food" category?
I ask this, not because I am perfect and don't ever eat GMO foods or foods in aisles in boxes with words I'm unable to pronounce since I failed chemistry, but I ask this of myself, and challenge myself, to choose the foods which are closer to the way God designed them in the first place, because, maybe, just maybe, my body will flourish and feel strong as a result.
Do I do this 100% of every day? Nope. As a rule of thumb, I eat "clean" 85-90% of the time, then depending on the events of the week or upcoming holidays, I'll let loose a bit. You can bet chocolate in some form is on the agenda. I usually can feel the effects pretty quickly, but once I get back on my "clean" wagon routine, I'm feeling good again.
If you are achy, dealing with bloating, gassy, arthritic, tired, cranky, short-tempered, experiencing memory loss, sleep deprivation, intense cravings, and whatever other things you may just think "go along with aging," I dare you, even if you don't eat at McDon*alds, the next time you go to the grocery store or to a restaurant or search the web for a new recipe to serve yourself or your family, ask yourself the question above, marked with an asterisk, in bold and italics.
And then listen to your body and see how you feel.
If we don't believe our digestive systems have anything to do with our current state of health, we're just drinking the Kool-Aid.
In the summer of 1988, my parents made me get a summer job. Apparently going to swim team in the morning for an hour and a half, then coming home to lay out in the pool for 6 more hours with a pitcher of sun tea and jug of baby oil, working on my tan lines, wasn't a real job.
Who knew?
I kid, but seriously.
I worked at McDonald's.
(*Pause.)
I will wait as you catch your breath, come to, reorient, whatever you need to do to continue reading here.
I will write that again in order for it to soak in...I worked at McDonald's.
 |
| #instagram #confession #notlovinit |
We all have those jobs from adolescence we look back and are able to laugh at...and there really is so much to laugh at regarding this whole scenario. Oh, the irony! Hindsight brings such clarity, as well as research, educational films, websites, and nutritional books, but the information I've gleaned from this clarity isn't funny at all. The black leather Keds to go with my black polyester pants, Golden Arches on the rear pocket...that's funny. After only one summer of working there in my whole life, the fact that I can still say, "Hi! Welcome to McDonald's. My name is Adrienne. May I take your order?" Disturbing, yet funny.
Over the years learning about health and nutrition, eating as close to the way God created food in the first place, then feeling the effects of it in my body, as well as my brain and energy, do make me look back and laugh at this picture, but cringe I had anything to do with Big Brother and our rampant health crisis in America to any degree.
The idea I actually thought eating there on my breaks was still a good idea even after orientation and training, well, hindsight reveals this not funny at all! More of a brainwash session, really.
The owners were very honest, hard-working people who owned several franchises. Physically, they didn't look as if they ate at Mickey D's regularly. Our particular location was clean and well managed. All that to say, truth be told, the last time I ate there was while I was pregnant with Emily, first trimester. I wanted what the "SuperSize" guy craved: I wanted fat and grease. I drove through the Drive-Thru and had a cheeseburger, hold the mustard, not because I don't like mustard, I actually love it and craved it while pregnant with Ryan, but because I knew they had to make me a fresh burger if I put in a "special order." If you are into math, Em's entering 6th grade, so that's how long it's been...
What's the point of this post, besides making fun of my high school summer job? Well, let's just say, even as a high school kid, I knew deep down inside that smelling like a french fry every day for an entire summer, and eating a cheeseburger without mustard each day on my break, could not be good for me. Just like out of a commercial, the next summer and summer after, I worked next door at Subway.
Which is a totally different story altogether and a load of laughs for another post, but back to the point of this one...
God created our bodies to understand the foods HE created. And if God did make burgers, do you think He'd put up to 100 cows into one? And did you know He created them to eat grass? The stomachs of cows were designed to eat grass, not corn. But setting meat aside altogether since that's a hot topic, we wonder why we are sick and diseased, achy and growing old at an alarming rate, earlier than in history...maybe "alive" longer, but not really LIVING.
*Just something to think on: If God designed our DNA to understand the DNA in foods He designed, wouldn't it make sense that we feel better when we eat a majority of foods in the "whole food" category?
I ask this, not because I am perfect and don't ever eat GMO foods or foods in aisles in boxes with words I'm unable to pronounce since I failed chemistry, but I ask this of myself, and challenge myself, to choose the foods which are closer to the way God designed them in the first place, because, maybe, just maybe, my body will flourish and feel strong as a result.
Do I do this 100% of every day? Nope. As a rule of thumb, I eat "clean" 85-90% of the time, then depending on the events of the week or upcoming holidays, I'll let loose a bit. You can bet chocolate in some form is on the agenda. I usually can feel the effects pretty quickly, but once I get back on my "clean" wagon routine, I'm feeling good again.
If you are achy, dealing with bloating, gassy, arthritic, tired, cranky, short-tempered, experiencing memory loss, sleep deprivation, intense cravings, and whatever other things you may just think "go along with aging," I dare you, even if you don't eat at McDon*alds, the next time you go to the grocery store or to a restaurant or search the web for a new recipe to serve yourself or your family, ask yourself the question above, marked with an asterisk, in bold and italics.
And then listen to your body and see how you feel.
If we don't believe our digestive systems have anything to do with our current state of health, we're just drinking the Kool-Aid.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
CHOSEN
I was recently praying with a friend about my issues with food addiction and self-loathing. I've known for a while that these were simply symptoms of deeper stuff. Anyway, as my friend was praying for me, encouraging me to repeat what she was saying/praying, she said, "I nail food addiction to the Cross."
This was easy for me to say...just check it off the list, yep, I can say that mentality.
"I nail food addiction to the Cross," I said...
Then, after a time of just sitting quietly before the Lord, she said, "I nail PERFECTION to the Cross."
Okay, so, those younger than me won’t know what the heck I’m talking about, but maybe 38 and older, do you remember "Happy Days" with the *Fonz? Do you remember how he couldn't say "I was wrong"??? He would go, “I was wuu-uh-uh…I was wuu-uh-uh” Well, it was like a long, drawn out 2 freaking minutes and me bawling on my knees for me to get the word "perfection" out of my mouth.
Sheesh.
Food addiction, self-loathing, discouragement, unrealistic goal-setting, never thinking I'm "good enough": all just symptoms of the underlying disease of PERFECTION.
Part of the prayer then was asking the Lord to specifically tell me what He wanted to give to me as a promise or word to replace "perfection." Before I could even pray and ask Him, He put the word "chosen" on my heart. It was so clear and eloquent in my head, it was awesome. I've always said if a smarter thought comes to my mind than I could think of, it's God talking...and I should listen.
Imagine: He chose me. He chose you. He designed us and hand-picked us, from the Beginning, just because He wanted to. Not to be perfect.
Nope. I’m no Mary Poppins.
He chose me simply to call me daughter. Simply to express His love. Me, chosen as an expression of His creativity. You, the same!
I'm not going to lie. Fighting perfectionism has been a weary battle. Looking back over the years, the lines blur from when I just wanted to feel pretty to wanting to lose weight to desiring to be healthy to knowing too much about disease to wanting to eat clean.
Some days I feel free, others I'm so lost in the pursuit, I can't see the forest for the trees.
What I do know is God hasn't called me to be perfect. I know this because I've quit reading books and blogs and websites about "clean eating" and started consuming Food that satisfies my cravings. I literally sit down to my dining room table at the start of each day and symbolically feast on His Word. This hasn't halted my first world problem of addiction, but it has put it into perspective and lessened its hold on me.
God is perfect, without flaw, not lacking in anything. He's good at what He does. He's good at Who He is.
So far I've sucked at perfection. In fact, He is able to be seen more clearly in my life when I don't have my act together, or for sure, when I don't pretend to. Because who am I kidding? When I'm out of the way, you can actually see Him.
So, yeah, there's my dirty laundry. My shameless pursuit. Where the idea that I could be perfect in anything ever came from, well, if I travel back to a certain Garden, a seed may have been planted long ago. I'm just thankful for this nauseating exposure while I'm still young.
I have the rest of my life to live imperfectly...
*Anyway, for your viewing pleasure and a bit of nostalgia, I present to you, Arthur Fonzarelli, aka, The Fonz...and Ralph Malph. #happydays
This was easy for me to say...just check it off the list, yep, I can say that mentality.
"I nail food addiction to the Cross," I said...
Then, after a time of just sitting quietly before the Lord, she said, "I nail PERFECTION to the Cross."
Okay, so, those younger than me won’t know what the heck I’m talking about, but maybe 38 and older, do you remember "Happy Days" with the *Fonz? Do you remember how he couldn't say "I was wrong"??? He would go, “I was wuu-uh-uh…I was wuu-uh-uh” Well, it was like a long, drawn out 2 freaking minutes and me bawling on my knees for me to get the word "perfection" out of my mouth.
Sheesh.
 |
| Photo source unknown otherwise I would give credit to where credit is due... |
Food addiction, self-loathing, discouragement, unrealistic goal-setting, never thinking I'm "good enough": all just symptoms of the underlying disease of PERFECTION.
Part of the prayer then was asking the Lord to specifically tell me what He wanted to give to me as a promise or word to replace "perfection." Before I could even pray and ask Him, He put the word "chosen" on my heart. It was so clear and eloquent in my head, it was awesome. I've always said if a smarter thought comes to my mind than I could think of, it's God talking...and I should listen.
Imagine: He chose me. He chose you. He designed us and hand-picked us, from the Beginning, just because He wanted to. Not to be perfect.
Nope. I’m no Mary Poppins.
He chose me simply to call me daughter. Simply to express His love. Me, chosen as an expression of His creativity. You, the same!
I'm not going to lie. Fighting perfectionism has been a weary battle. Looking back over the years, the lines blur from when I just wanted to feel pretty to wanting to lose weight to desiring to be healthy to knowing too much about disease to wanting to eat clean.
Some days I feel free, others I'm so lost in the pursuit, I can't see the forest for the trees.
What I do know is God hasn't called me to be perfect. I know this because I've quit reading books and blogs and websites about "clean eating" and started consuming Food that satisfies my cravings. I literally sit down to my dining room table at the start of each day and symbolically feast on His Word. This hasn't halted my first world problem of addiction, but it has put it into perspective and lessened its hold on me.
God is perfect, without flaw, not lacking in anything. He's good at what He does. He's good at Who He is.
So far I've sucked at perfection. In fact, He is able to be seen more clearly in my life when I don't have my act together, or for sure, when I don't pretend to. Because who am I kidding? When I'm out of the way, you can actually see Him.
So, yeah, there's my dirty laundry. My shameless pursuit. Where the idea that I could be perfect in anything ever came from, well, if I travel back to a certain Garden, a seed may have been planted long ago. I'm just thankful for this nauseating exposure while I'm still young.
I have the rest of my life to live imperfectly...
*Anyway, for your viewing pleasure and a bit of nostalgia, I present to you, Arthur Fonzarelli, aka, The Fonz...and Ralph Malph. #happydays
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Fast Break
"Fast Break" is a term I remember from High School basketball. I haven't played in a while but it seemed to imply speed and a total change of scenery. If memory serves me right, when one of us would get a rebound at the opponent's basket, our job was to immediately turn around with the ball in hand and look up court for a team member to throw it to, then run like heck down to post position and set up under our own basket to either box out another girl or get in position to receive the ball once again for a lay up or other quick shot.
Hey, that was kind of fun to remember basketball...I should go play. Any locals up for some hoops?
Anyway, this post isn't about basketball. Or anything athletic, either.
It's about a victory of sorts, in a weird and skewed way.
In the past when I have been "eating clean" or "fasting" or even on a diet (I don't do this anymore, but that word is common enough for comprehension), if I stumble or cheat or get de-railed, it usually lingers for days, if not weeks. It's not just a moment of, "Oh, I'll just eat these chips and salsa and get back on the train," rather it's, "You suck! You ate chips and salsa and can't do anything right...might as well eat 6 cookies while you are at it and whateverelseyoufeellikeeating..." And then I feel so crummy the next morning that I just eat crap for breakfast, lunch, and dinner the next day...and the next...and the next...until something gets me back on track. The days adding up continue to discourage my outlook and in-look, and it's more of a downward spiral instead of just an isolated event of eating the chips and salsa or whatever the culprit and then being done with it.
Messed up, huh?
So, anyway, on January 3rd I started fasting and detoxing and not only did my face show it, but I felt good and had a lot of energy. In December I had started a weight lifting program, like for actual muscle-building, so I knew I would need some lean protein sources and, personally, could not do just veggies. However, my mind works like a machine when things are CLEARLY mapped out and even written down.
This wasn't my case as I slowly added in fish here and there, but not in any consistent way, then chicken and when I didn't have that I would grab a handful of nuts (more about that here) and elk and bison and then soy yogurt and protein powder until things just weren't clearly mapped out anymore and it was a looser operation than when I had begun.
So, anyway, whatever.
Last Friday night Jason and I went out to start planning our 20th wedding anniversary trip and I ate salmon, grilled veggies, and 1/2 cup of black beans. I did not eat one single corn chip. I ate slowly and felt really proud of myself, to be honest. The next morning we finally took down Christmas. You are jealous because you took yours down the day after and have been freezing this month with nothing pretty to look at. It was 60 degrees outside and I didn't leave the house at all. Ryan's found his nostrils in the last two weeks and discovered how perfectly his fingers fit in each hole. Why couldn't nostril holes be more akin to ear canals where fingers DON'T fit? Anyway, he's been speaking whine as a form of communication recently, as well. His stint of poopying and peepeeing in the potty like a big boy was apparently just a 2 week phase that is now over, as well. And, I hadn't been out of the house for almost 5 days at that point...
...which leads me to packing in a lot of "good" things over the weekend, but maybe too much? I felt like I could just enjoy a glass of wine on Saturday with dinner, but my internal stress was building from being a hermit and only having toddler interaction, apparently, and I had a second...and then, I wasn't even craving it, but had 4 bites of some sort of chocolately, creamy, eggy, pie dessert...and then I went for a shot of Bailey's and a shot of Kahlua in full fat coconut milk.
It tasted good though my face wasn't a fan...
This is where the "Fast Break" comes into play. I broke my fast, if you could have even called it that by then. Basically at that point I was only avoiding grains, dairy, eggs, and sugar. And, unlike the term used in basketball, the break wasn't super fast, if you will.
But, this is the victory part, kinda, sorta...
So I broke my "fast." On Saturday I ate culprits and foods that were not so great for me. But I was groggy the next morning and it did trigger some inflammatory responses in my body...notsogood. On Sunday, I didn't eat those anymore. And I didn't tell myself how much I sucked.
Getting back on the train, or in basketball lingo, grabbing the rebound, turning to find a teammate, and heading in the other direction to reach my own goal, that is a "Fast Break." I feel like even though I drank and ate out of stress on Saturday, breaking my fast, the fact that I utilized tools from Celebrate Recovery and "Made to Crave" and "Stop Eating Your Heart Out" has given me training and practice to know what to do when I'm at the opponent's basket, but now the ball is in my hands or "court."
Back in High School, on the court, if I had grabbed the rebound at the opponent's basket and just stood there, pissed at myself and my team that we were EVEN spending time under their basket AT ALL, moping, griping, chewing out my teammates and being mad at myself they had even had the opportunity to take a shot, let's just say my butt would have been on the bench the rest of the game AND the next day in practice our coach would have had us doing lunges cross court, 5 minute wall sits, and running suicides until we were barfing up our lunches.
Same with life. I actually like lunges now and do an occasional wall sit, but I'm not a fan of barfing and running suicides are for high school basketball players, not me. However, I'm grateful for this personal victory of sorts of running a "Fast Break" from my fast break, not allowing myself to get hung up on the temporary turn-over.
*How about you? What are some tools you use to break free from temporary set-backs?
Hey, that was kind of fun to remember basketball...I should go play. Any locals up for some hoops?
Anyway, this post isn't about basketball. Or anything athletic, either.
It's about a victory of sorts, in a weird and skewed way.
In the past when I have been "eating clean" or "fasting" or even on a diet (I don't do this anymore, but that word is common enough for comprehension), if I stumble or cheat or get de-railed, it usually lingers for days, if not weeks. It's not just a moment of, "Oh, I'll just eat these chips and salsa and get back on the train," rather it's, "You suck! You ate chips and salsa and can't do anything right...might as well eat 6 cookies while you are at it and whateverelseyoufeellikeeating..." And then I feel so crummy the next morning that I just eat crap for breakfast, lunch, and dinner the next day...and the next...and the next...until something gets me back on track. The days adding up continue to discourage my outlook and in-look, and it's more of a downward spiral instead of just an isolated event of eating the chips and salsa or whatever the culprit and then being done with it.
Messed up, huh?
So, anyway, on January 3rd I started fasting and detoxing and not only did my face show it, but I felt good and had a lot of energy. In December I had started a weight lifting program, like for actual muscle-building, so I knew I would need some lean protein sources and, personally, could not do just veggies. However, my mind works like a machine when things are CLEARLY mapped out and even written down.
This wasn't my case as I slowly added in fish here and there, but not in any consistent way, then chicken and when I didn't have that I would grab a handful of nuts (more about that here) and elk and bison and then soy yogurt and protein powder until things just weren't clearly mapped out anymore and it was a looser operation than when I had begun.
So, anyway, whatever.
Last Friday night Jason and I went out to start planning our 20th wedding anniversary trip and I ate salmon, grilled veggies, and 1/2 cup of black beans. I did not eat one single corn chip. I ate slowly and felt really proud of myself, to be honest. The next morning we finally took down Christmas. You are jealous because you took yours down the day after and have been freezing this month with nothing pretty to look at. It was 60 degrees outside and I didn't leave the house at all. Ryan's found his nostrils in the last two weeks and discovered how perfectly his fingers fit in each hole. Why couldn't nostril holes be more akin to ear canals where fingers DON'T fit? Anyway, he's been speaking whine as a form of communication recently, as well. His stint of poopying and peepeeing in the potty like a big boy was apparently just a 2 week phase that is now over, as well. And, I hadn't been out of the house for almost 5 days at that point...
...which leads me to packing in a lot of "good" things over the weekend, but maybe too much? I felt like I could just enjoy a glass of wine on Saturday with dinner, but my internal stress was building from being a hermit and only having toddler interaction, apparently, and I had a second...and then, I wasn't even craving it, but had 4 bites of some sort of chocolately, creamy, eggy, pie dessert...and then I went for a shot of Bailey's and a shot of Kahlua in full fat coconut milk.
It tasted good though my face wasn't a fan...
 |
| Not sure which day...like the swollen eye? Too much salt on those nuts??? Clearly. |
 |
| I'm getting bored looking at my mug. |
 |
| And welcome to Sunday morning...the crazy hair is a result of night sweats. I get them when I'm not a clean eater. Just another fancy symptom you thought was just "normal"? Not so...I only have night sweats when I eat poorly. |
This is where the "Fast Break" comes into play. I broke my fast, if you could have even called it that by then. Basically at that point I was only avoiding grains, dairy, eggs, and sugar. And, unlike the term used in basketball, the break wasn't super fast, if you will.
But, this is the victory part, kinda, sorta...
So I broke my "fast." On Saturday I ate culprits and foods that were not so great for me. But I was groggy the next morning and it did trigger some inflammatory responses in my body...notsogood. On Sunday, I didn't eat those anymore. And I didn't tell myself how much I sucked.
Getting back on the train, or in basketball lingo, grabbing the rebound, turning to find a teammate, and heading in the other direction to reach my own goal, that is a "Fast Break." I feel like even though I drank and ate out of stress on Saturday, breaking my fast, the fact that I utilized tools from Celebrate Recovery and "Made to Crave" and "Stop Eating Your Heart Out" has given me training and practice to know what to do when I'm at the opponent's basket, but now the ball is in my hands or "court."
Back in High School, on the court, if I had grabbed the rebound at the opponent's basket and just stood there, pissed at myself and my team that we were EVEN spending time under their basket AT ALL, moping, griping, chewing out my teammates and being mad at myself they had even had the opportunity to take a shot, let's just say my butt would have been on the bench the rest of the game AND the next day in practice our coach would have had us doing lunges cross court, 5 minute wall sits, and running suicides until we were barfing up our lunches.
Same with life. I actually like lunges now and do an occasional wall sit, but I'm not a fan of barfing and running suicides are for high school basketball players, not me. However, I'm grateful for this personal victory of sorts of running a "Fast Break" from my fast break, not allowing myself to get hung up on the temporary turn-over.
*How about you? What are some tools you use to break free from temporary set-backs?
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Fat On Purpose
I think as far as my first-thing-in-the-morning face goes, it's safe to say that my face prefers less or no-carbs. But, just to keep up with the photo journey, here are pics from last Saturday through today...
So, as far as my title states, I've been doing something the last week that is against everything I've ever practiced. I've been trying to gain a couple of pounds of insulation. I've never done this on purpose and I think it messed with my mind yesterday. You see, I have the markers, though my doctor and I both won't "accept" the diagnosis, of Sjogren's Syndrome, an auto-immune disorder. From the research I've done over the past several years since having Noah, I know that auto-immune diseases aren't mutually exclusive and symptoms may vary and overlap. I haven't been tested for many of them, but I do know that how we eat and take care of our bodies can radically determine how extensive they may become. Anyway, one major symptom I have is dryness...mouth, sinuses, skin, eyes. That coupled with how cold I am, like constantly, and it makes for a long winter.
So, yesterday I decided to eat some nuts, good fats, to not only add warmth for winter, but for a little lubrication.
And that's where it went downhill fast. You see, I can't just eat a handful of nuts. Who the hell can eat just 6 almonds? Which is usually why I avoid them. Nope. I eat a cup of nuts. And yesterday, against any judgment whatsoever, I ate salted pistachios until my eyes started to feel puffy and my tongue was raw from all the salt.
So, I start new. Fresh. I don't beat the crap out of myself. I learn from my choices and experience the consequences, and I question why I chose that many nuts over walking away, meditating on God's word, changing my surroundings, or whatever.
Anyway, there's not a whole lot to report other than I'm off the nuts again. One day I may be able to eat just 6, but until that day, I'd better stick to roasting my veggies in a little olive or coconut oil.
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| Day 10 - scientifically it would be good if I knew what led up to this particular day b/c my face is the brightest it's been yet. And I love that crazy gray hair shooting straight up at my part...awesome. |
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| Day 11 - Super slacker, broke my own rule of not sleeping with make-up on. Too tired the night before to even care. Note to self: this is how my grandma's eyelashes got short and sparse in latter years...don't wear make-up to bed... |
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| Day 12 - not too fancy. The night before I ate a huge portion of salmon. I've been doing a lifting program and am trying to figure out protein sources to stay on this "veggie-fast." However, I have to experiment what my best sources of protein will be. |
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| Day 13 - blah, blah, blah. Had to head downstairs so I didn't wake up Jason with my mug-shot. The black shirt vs. the white one in these pics, I think, is making a difference in what shows up on my face. I am feeling clean, though, so that's what matters... |
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| Day 14 - This is the aftermath of trying to gain weight. Salt-free nuts are likely a better option for my face. No nuts are better for my waist-line and mental well-being. |
So, yesterday I decided to eat some nuts, good fats, to not only add warmth for winter, but for a little lubrication.
And that's where it went downhill fast. You see, I can't just eat a handful of nuts. Who the hell can eat just 6 almonds? Which is usually why I avoid them. Nope. I eat a cup of nuts. And yesterday, against any judgment whatsoever, I ate salted pistachios until my eyes started to feel puffy and my tongue was raw from all the salt.
So, I start new. Fresh. I don't beat the crap out of myself. I learn from my choices and experience the consequences, and I question why I chose that many nuts over walking away, meditating on God's word, changing my surroundings, or whatever.
Anyway, there's not a whole lot to report other than I'm off the nuts again. One day I may be able to eat just 6, but until that day, I'd better stick to roasting my veggies in a little olive or coconut oil.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
12 Steps to Perfection
If it were that easy, we would have all been made perfect as toddlers...on our 12th step.
Except I have a toddler. He is pretty sure footed now at 2 years old, but even this morning, he fell down a few stairs and bonked his melon, leaving a not-so-pretty hematoma on his forehead.
...glad we did Christmas pictures last weekend...even if there isn't one where we're all looking at the camera at the same time. At least there's no hematoma, right?!
I went to my first Celebrate Recovery meeting on Monday morning at a local church. The ladies had already been meeting for a little over a month, so part of me felt like I was intruding. They had built time and trust together over the previous weeks, and though I'm one to jump in with two feet, they may not be willing to fling their hearts wide open to a stranger.
I guess it is what it is. Because I'm sticking it out...
Everyone went around, shared their name and their beef. As my turn approached, my heart was beating out of my chest and I felt nauseous. Usually if my heart is beating out of my chest it's God's prompting, urging me to share something He has put on my heart. When it came to me, the leader instead had the two last girls after me share first, since they were regulars.
And then it was my turn.
When I finally shared, there was no beating. I mean, just the regular 50-60ish that keep me alive, but I guess when I shared:
"Hi! My name is Adrienne and I've been a closet eater since 2nd grade, having food as an idol instead of my God,"
in yet again, another public setting, it just brought it more to light, exposing my hidden behaviors, lighting the way to continued freedom from the lies of false comfort and self-gratification.
It's so interesting, this journey.
Over the past 30+ years there have been years in a row where I didn't struggle one thought or iota over this whole ordeal. Then, ironically, in the last 10 years as I've researched and studied healthy foods and why I have digestive issues/allergies/etc, I've thought more about food: what I can or cannot have. And then I guess I've thought of it too much.
But what really busts my chops is the previous 5 years, specifically. You see, I had a son. And he died. And none of this is really about food at all. It isn't. It's about my inability to be perfect or preform perfectly here on earth.
It's about my lifelong ingrained sickness of striving.
Kristin Armstrong says in her book, Work in Progress,
You see, in my head, having lost a child, I should have every. single. bit. of. my. act. together. Every day. All day. All the time. Act together.
In my head, I think that was ample heartache where I shouldn't ever struggle or stumble, with ANYTHING...like that was the end all, be all lesson of life learned. And, so, when I fall down the stairs and get a hematoma, I beat myself up and think I'm an idiot because I know how to walk, and shouldn't I have learned?!
Whereas Ryan looked straight to me, his mom and his comforter, cried in my arms, rested his head on my shoulder, shed tears because of his pain, but didn't beat himself up or think himself less because he stumbled. He simply accepted and received my nurturing and unconditional love.
I need to learn more from my toddler. I'm taking steps. There will likely be more than 12 steps toward healing in my future, but they will be forward and in the right direction, pointed toward the One Who is my Father and my Comforter, my Healer...my Source. And in time, my steps will be more sure-footed, sound, firm, deeply-rooted, established in Him.
And rather than PERFECTION as the goal, I'm going to cast off that striver mentality and give it my all. My best. I'm going to give my whole heart to God and hope it is good enough.
"Good enough means being able to accept who and where we are with grace and gratitude and being content with ourselves as works in progress...We know we can't make it on our own or by using our old methods, so we go to the Source." - Kristin Armstrong
Except I have a toddler. He is pretty sure footed now at 2 years old, but even this morning, he fell down a few stairs and bonked his melon, leaving a not-so-pretty hematoma on his forehead.
...glad we did Christmas pictures last weekend...even if there isn't one where we're all looking at the camera at the same time. At least there's no hematoma, right?!
I went to my first Celebrate Recovery meeting on Monday morning at a local church. The ladies had already been meeting for a little over a month, so part of me felt like I was intruding. They had built time and trust together over the previous weeks, and though I'm one to jump in with two feet, they may not be willing to fling their hearts wide open to a stranger.
I guess it is what it is. Because I'm sticking it out...
Everyone went around, shared their name and their beef. As my turn approached, my heart was beating out of my chest and I felt nauseous. Usually if my heart is beating out of my chest it's God's prompting, urging me to share something He has put on my heart. When it came to me, the leader instead had the two last girls after me share first, since they were regulars.
And then it was my turn.
When I finally shared, there was no beating. I mean, just the regular 50-60ish that keep me alive, but I guess when I shared:
"Hi! My name is Adrienne and I've been a closet eater since 2nd grade, having food as an idol instead of my God,"
in yet again, another public setting, it just brought it more to light, exposing my hidden behaviors, lighting the way to continued freedom from the lies of false comfort and self-gratification.
It's so interesting, this journey.
Over the past 30+ years there have been years in a row where I didn't struggle one thought or iota over this whole ordeal. Then, ironically, in the last 10 years as I've researched and studied healthy foods and why I have digestive issues/allergies/etc, I've thought more about food: what I can or cannot have. And then I guess I've thought of it too much.
But what really busts my chops is the previous 5 years, specifically. You see, I had a son. And he died. And none of this is really about food at all. It isn't. It's about my inability to be perfect or preform perfectly here on earth.
It's about my lifelong ingrained sickness of striving.
Kristin Armstrong says in her book, Work in Progress,
"When we try to be and do the things that are outside our true selves, we turn into strivers.
Strivers are people who endlessly struggle for perfection and end up with far less than good enough..."
You see, in my head, having lost a child, I should have every. single. bit. of. my. act. together. Every day. All day. All the time. Act together.
In my head, I think that was ample heartache where I shouldn't ever struggle or stumble, with ANYTHING...like that was the end all, be all lesson of life learned. And, so, when I fall down the stairs and get a hematoma, I beat myself up and think I'm an idiot because I know how to walk, and shouldn't I have learned?!
Whereas Ryan looked straight to me, his mom and his comforter, cried in my arms, rested his head on my shoulder, shed tears because of his pain, but didn't beat himself up or think himself less because he stumbled. He simply accepted and received my nurturing and unconditional love.
I need to learn more from my toddler. I'm taking steps. There will likely be more than 12 steps toward healing in my future, but they will be forward and in the right direction, pointed toward the One Who is my Father and my Comforter, my Healer...my Source. And in time, my steps will be more sure-footed, sound, firm, deeply-rooted, established in Him.
And rather than PERFECTION as the goal, I'm going to cast off that striver mentality and give it my all. My best. I'm going to give my whole heart to God and hope it is good enough.
"Good enough means being able to accept who and where we are with grace and gratitude and being content with ourselves as works in progress...We know we can't make it on our own or by using our old methods, so we go to the Source." - Kristin Armstrong
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
I Worship Food
I read The Message. I have read the NIV for 25 years and just this year, in January, I started reading The Message as my daily bread rather than the other version I know all too well. Making it my "daily bread" continues to be a process...sometimes I choose food.
I found this in The Message the other morning, "First you eat to live and then you live to eat." I have found myself on the right side of the previous sentence, and let's just say, it isn't pretty. And it isn't "right."
I'm not talking about appearances here. I'm talking about priorities and the 10 Commandments. I'm talking about that sentence, "First you eat to live and then you live to eat," and how the "and" is the balance for the teeter totter but I've tried to kid myself that even though I "eat clean" or avoid certain foods or know my allergies, that I'm actually "balanced."
No other god besides Me.
The truth is, I have lived to eat for so many years now that it's just become the norm.
And within Christianity, it's totally acceptable. We should be ashamed.
No other god besides Me.
What started out as research to figure out what foods were causing bloating, gas, weight gain, dry skin, dark circles, constipation, burping, inflammation and arthritic symptoms, basically evolved into an addiction to "Food Porn." For reals.
Why do I need an alternative to chocolate chip cookies? Yes I'm allergic to eggs, wheat, and dairy, but to take so much time surfing the Internet to find that one amazing alternative recipe is time-not-well-spent. Plus, I found the ultimate "alternative" recipe for chocolate chip cookies pretty close to right away, so looking any further has literally been wasted time. And it's only led to more searching for more "alternatives."
And T. I. M. E. is my love language.
No other god besides Me.
So, here's a wake up call for me: all the time I have spent in my life looking for alternative food recipes and worrying about being fat and bingeing on bags of chips and even allergen-friendly foods, all that time and energy, has added up to what?
I'll tell you. It's added up to a lowercase god who has taken the place of my capital letter God. The One and Only. Except He hasn't been...He's been shoved aside as I've welcomed all the little guys.
No other god besides Me.
The time I've been spending in the mornings reading The Message and studying the book of Daniel, via a Beth Moore study, have shown me more than I wanted, but exposed everything in my deepest, darkest spots.
And the results? Seriously gross stuff.
You see, when we allow all the lights to be turned on and the storage room emptied out, not all that is found and exposed will be helpful and useful. Some of it, sure, yeah, good stuff, like certain tools and patterns of thinking or behavior that are healthy. However, have you ever seen the show, "Hoarders?"
Sick and wrong.
Yet, that's what we have inside our lives when we lie to ourselves and believe we can stuff secrets or do it on our own strength or just muster up enough self-discipline, no matter our "vice."
The truth is, God is in love with each of us very, very, very much. And He desires for a kind of relationship where there are no secrets between us and Him, but where there is total trust on our parts that He really is a loving God, very much interested in our intimate affairs. He doesn't say, "No other god besides Me," because He is ego-centric. He knows life's complications and He has all the answers...Imagine if I had always just sought Him instead of looking for instant gratification in food and other indulgences...
An old friend recently posted this song on Facebook and it's been on repeat for a few days now...I cannot get it out of my head or heart.
I know God is calling me on the carpet.
Listen a few times, google the lyrics, sit with it a few more times and ask yourself, "What in my life is an idol?"
Food has been my idol in one way or another for 30-some years.
I lay it down.
Again.
No other god besides Me.
God, I know You satisfy. I have tasted. You are Life. The rest is temporary fulfillment.
So, on a practical note, one, I'm blogging this. Two, I've told my dearest friends, openly, and, three, on Monday morning I'll be heading to Celebrate Recovery because I've been called to be a woman of God, nothing less.
Nothing less.
I found this in The Message the other morning, "First you eat to live and then you live to eat." I have found myself on the right side of the previous sentence, and let's just say, it isn't pretty. And it isn't "right."
I'm not talking about appearances here. I'm talking about priorities and the 10 Commandments. I'm talking about that sentence, "First you eat to live and then you live to eat," and how the "and" is the balance for the teeter totter but I've tried to kid myself that even though I "eat clean" or avoid certain foods or know my allergies, that I'm actually "balanced."
No other god besides Me.
The truth is, I have lived to eat for so many years now that it's just become the norm.
And within Christianity, it's totally acceptable. We should be ashamed.
No other god besides Me.
What started out as research to figure out what foods were causing bloating, gas, weight gain, dry skin, dark circles, constipation, burping, inflammation and arthritic symptoms, basically evolved into an addiction to "Food Porn." For reals.
Why do I need an alternative to chocolate chip cookies? Yes I'm allergic to eggs, wheat, and dairy, but to take so much time surfing the Internet to find that one amazing alternative recipe is time-not-well-spent. Plus, I found the ultimate "alternative" recipe for chocolate chip cookies pretty close to right away, so looking any further has literally been wasted time. And it's only led to more searching for more "alternatives."
And T. I. M. E. is my love language.
No other god besides Me.
So, here's a wake up call for me: all the time I have spent in my life looking for alternative food recipes and worrying about being fat and bingeing on bags of chips and even allergen-friendly foods, all that time and energy, has added up to what?
I'll tell you. It's added up to a lowercase god who has taken the place of my capital letter God. The One and Only. Except He hasn't been...He's been shoved aside as I've welcomed all the little guys.
No other god besides Me.
The time I've been spending in the mornings reading The Message and studying the book of Daniel, via a Beth Moore study, have shown me more than I wanted, but exposed everything in my deepest, darkest spots.
And the results? Seriously gross stuff.
You see, when we allow all the lights to be turned on and the storage room emptied out, not all that is found and exposed will be helpful and useful. Some of it, sure, yeah, good stuff, like certain tools and patterns of thinking or behavior that are healthy. However, have you ever seen the show, "Hoarders?"
Sick and wrong.
Yet, that's what we have inside our lives when we lie to ourselves and believe we can stuff secrets or do it on our own strength or just muster up enough self-discipline, no matter our "vice."
The truth is, God is in love with each of us very, very, very much. And He desires for a kind of relationship where there are no secrets between us and Him, but where there is total trust on our parts that He really is a loving God, very much interested in our intimate affairs. He doesn't say, "No other god besides Me," because He is ego-centric. He knows life's complications and He has all the answers...Imagine if I had always just sought Him instead of looking for instant gratification in food and other indulgences...
An old friend recently posted this song on Facebook and it's been on repeat for a few days now...I cannot get it out of my head or heart.
I know God is calling me on the carpet.
Listen a few times, google the lyrics, sit with it a few more times and ask yourself, "What in my life is an idol?"
Food has been my idol in one way or another for 30-some years.
I lay it down.
Again.
No other god besides Me.
God, I know You satisfy. I have tasted. You are Life. The rest is temporary fulfillment.
So, on a practical note, one, I'm blogging this. Two, I've told my dearest friends, openly, and, three, on Monday morning I'll be heading to Celebrate Recovery because I've been called to be a woman of God, nothing less.
Nothing less.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Accountability
I know I haven't been here in a while.
I haven't felt like writing, one because I'm sick of the same old story. Two because, for the most part, I'm doing well. Three, because I don't feel like I'm really encouraging anyone else when I write here, so I'm kind of like, "What's the point?" if my journey through crap and healing doesn't help anyone but me, I'm not sure the point in having this blog.
There are plenty of recipe blogs out there, and that's not the point of this place, anyway. And, being married to a guy who helps women and children in Third World Countries makes me nauseous that I even have ever struggled with putting food first, before God, and others.
There are some scriptures about fasting in the Bible. One of the important elements of fasting is not doing it so others look on and "ooh and ahhh" over your outward spirituality. As a result, I hesitated from writing a couple months ago about a fast that I did because I didn't want to draw attention to it. However, I have to say, the benefits for my heart and mind were so encouraging, that I wanted to share a snippet with you here.
So, my struggle has NEVER been that I don't eat ENOUGH food, but too much, or really, just mindlessly...seeking something, whether comfort, instant gratification, consoling, in food, rather than in God alone. The lines of food for comfort and food for sustenance have crossed and become a blur. I was never good at fasting, if that's something you can actually be "good" at? There was only one other time in my life I've fasted, one, for pure reasons, and two, where God literally provided all the energy I sought. That was when Noah was in the hospital.
Anyway, in early August I did a week long fast of water and green juice, along with my daily supplements of a multi-vitamin, probiotics, and fish-oils. I didn't want the week to end. I wasn't hungry at all and each time I sat at the dining room table to read God's word, write, and pray, it was like a 5-course meal (gluten-free/dairy-free/egg-free, of course!) Just kidding!
And then the week ended, I had a good week or two, and then life started to creep in, slowly, here and there, lies, busyness, doubt, obsessive thoughts, and choice by choice, my mouth became a garbage can...not in the cool way, like, a cussing machine, have you, but just a place where I'd put food without thinking about it.
Thankfully I've been talking daily with God about this and have slowed down, laid it at His feet, and sought His face for the "Why?" of why I brat-ishly continue to put Him second to something as TEMPORARILY filling as food!!!! And, on a practical side, I've literally SLOWED down my eating, smaller bites, sitting, actually thinking about what I'm doing rather than eating between running here and there or doing this or that.
All this to say, I'm doing a study on Daniel right now and I'm only on chapter 2. Talk about knocking my socks off! Good stuff! And, of course, the first chapter talks about how Danny and his friends set themselves apart for God's purposes, spiritually, and also practically or physically, by NOT eating the king's food. And, OF COURSE, they were found to be more physically fit and spiritually in tune. You don't say...you mean cutting out the clutter and excess is actually beneficial?! Duh (duh, to me...)
A wise saying I once heard and have quoted and quoted and quoted, is:
I'm sick of quoting it. I want to live it.
I'm posting HERE for the rest of the story...
I haven't felt like writing, one because I'm sick of the same old story. Two because, for the most part, I'm doing well. Three, because I don't feel like I'm really encouraging anyone else when I write here, so I'm kind of like, "What's the point?" if my journey through crap and healing doesn't help anyone but me, I'm not sure the point in having this blog.
There are plenty of recipe blogs out there, and that's not the point of this place, anyway. And, being married to a guy who helps women and children in Third World Countries makes me nauseous that I even have ever struggled with putting food first, before God, and others.
There are some scriptures about fasting in the Bible. One of the important elements of fasting is not doing it so others look on and "ooh and ahhh" over your outward spirituality. As a result, I hesitated from writing a couple months ago about a fast that I did because I didn't want to draw attention to it. However, I have to say, the benefits for my heart and mind were so encouraging, that I wanted to share a snippet with you here.
So, my struggle has NEVER been that I don't eat ENOUGH food, but too much, or really, just mindlessly...seeking something, whether comfort, instant gratification, consoling, in food, rather than in God alone. The lines of food for comfort and food for sustenance have crossed and become a blur. I was never good at fasting, if that's something you can actually be "good" at? There was only one other time in my life I've fasted, one, for pure reasons, and two, where God literally provided all the energy I sought. That was when Noah was in the hospital.
Anyway, in early August I did a week long fast of water and green juice, along with my daily supplements of a multi-vitamin, probiotics, and fish-oils. I didn't want the week to end. I wasn't hungry at all and each time I sat at the dining room table to read God's word, write, and pray, it was like a 5-course meal (gluten-free/dairy-free/egg-free, of course!) Just kidding!
 |
| By Jean Fortunet (Own work) [CC-BY-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/1.0)], via Wikimedia Commons |
And then the week ended, I had a good week or two, and then life started to creep in, slowly, here and there, lies, busyness, doubt, obsessive thoughts, and choice by choice, my mouth became a garbage can...not in the cool way, like, a cussing machine, have you, but just a place where I'd put food without thinking about it.
Thankfully I've been talking daily with God about this and have slowed down, laid it at His feet, and sought His face for the "Why?" of why I brat-ishly continue to put Him second to something as TEMPORARILY filling as food!!!! And, on a practical side, I've literally SLOWED down my eating, smaller bites, sitting, actually thinking about what I'm doing rather than eating between running here and there or doing this or that.
All this to say, I'm doing a study on Daniel right now and I'm only on chapter 2. Talk about knocking my socks off! Good stuff! And, of course, the first chapter talks about how Danny and his friends set themselves apart for God's purposes, spiritually, and also practically or physically, by NOT eating the king's food. And, OF COURSE, they were found to be more physically fit and spiritually in tune. You don't say...you mean cutting out the clutter and excess is actually beneficial?! Duh (duh, to me...)
A wise saying I once heard and have quoted and quoted and quoted, is:
"Without accountability there is no motivation for change."
I'm sick of quoting it. I want to live it.
I'm posting HERE for the rest of the story...
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Extremist!
I'm an extremist. It's pretty plain and simple.
At least I am aware of it.
I am aware of my extreme tendencies, as well as my extreme lack of ability to live somewhere in between extreme and un-extreme.
Clearly I've got problems.
Before Mother's Day when I drafted my personal fitness and clean eating manifesto, the extreme idealistic "me" was in her glory!
"Woohoo! YES! This is IT! You are the queen of the world...well, your world, and YOU CAN DO THIS! This is RIGHT! This is GOOD! YOU will feel SO GREAT! So, SO GREAT! Eat CLEAN! Avoid your ALLERGENS! Stay away from the DEVIL aka, carbs and sugars! Go DRY until September 1st when you've got a hold on all this! DON'T EAT ONE evil carb until after September 1st! And then, eat clean 6 days a week, and enjoy one or two cheat meals..."
I should have plastered this on my walls. Tattooed it to the insides of my eyelids. Written it in Sharpie or lipstick on every mirror in my house. These sentiments clearly should not have only been written down once in a notebook that was tucked neatly into a cupboard.
For my 3 1/2 month "plan," I did not "write in" ONE SINGLE cheat meal, snack, day, or item...
...as a result, the one vodka drink I had at my friend's 40th, coupled with a fabulous meal where I steered clear of every carb and didn't even blink at the cupcakes, took my brain to a place where I actually felt like a failure after an entire month of doing a fantastic job.
Message in the mirror: You blew it! You suck! You suck at eating clean...you always do!
This occurred 3 weeks ago...and my brain feels stuck in a place of believing I really have blown it!
Then, remember, I divorced my scale. I haven't gone back, but I NEED TO! THIS HAS BEEN A VERY, VERY difficult lifestyle change! I know, from grabbing, I have gained weight, not from not weighing in, clearly from eating the wrong foods, but not tracking it has messed with me...Even though my head got caught up with the numbers, I'm not so sure this was a wise decision...but I'm too afraid to step on it now!
And then June 21st happened...and I haven't even been able to write about it yet. My heart aches for my friends' hearts. But I comforted myself with, ummmm, lots and lots of pancakes. Let's just say, I ate to offer comfort to my friend, though she never even knew...because how does my eating a dozen pancakes offer comfort to her empty arms??? No, really...
But the point is, why am I such an extremist? And why am I such an extremist with myself, against myself, with stuff that qualifies as #firstworldproblems!?!? #$%^&*
Seriously! With all the EXTREME energy I put into kicking my own teeth in, I could be putting it into something so much more world changing...or even my own small-world changing.
And so, once again, here I am telling myself to take one day at a time...to keep eating clean, but not kill myself for one day or one meal or one Doley Stoli at a friend's birthday celebration, but to live, to celebrate, and to mourn when these seasons are upon us...
*On a practical note: I've just received a supplement for my brain called Crave Arrest that my naturopath gave me. He says it will help with my EXTREME food tendencies to help balance the chemical imbalance I've grown used to because of my poor eating habits. This confirms what I read in "Unchain Your Brain," by Dr. Daniel Amen, so I guess we'll see...I also have a BLANK food journal. I chucked the other one in the trash and am starting from scratch tomorrow morning with the foods I eat in a day, along with proactive steps for triggers and negative thought battles that are sure to rage...
At least I am aware of it.
I am aware of my extreme tendencies, as well as my extreme lack of ability to live somewhere in between extreme and un-extreme.
Clearly I've got problems.
Before Mother's Day when I drafted my personal fitness and clean eating manifesto, the extreme idealistic "me" was in her glory!
"Woohoo! YES! This is IT! You are the queen of the world...well, your world, and YOU CAN DO THIS! This is RIGHT! This is GOOD! YOU will feel SO GREAT! So, SO GREAT! Eat CLEAN! Avoid your ALLERGENS! Stay away from the DEVIL aka, carbs and sugars! Go DRY until September 1st when you've got a hold on all this! DON'T EAT ONE evil carb until after September 1st! And then, eat clean 6 days a week, and enjoy one or two cheat meals..."
I should have plastered this on my walls. Tattooed it to the insides of my eyelids. Written it in Sharpie or lipstick on every mirror in my house. These sentiments clearly should not have only been written down once in a notebook that was tucked neatly into a cupboard.
For my 3 1/2 month "plan," I did not "write in" ONE SINGLE cheat meal, snack, day, or item...
...as a result, the one vodka drink I had at my friend's 40th, coupled with a fabulous meal where I steered clear of every carb and didn't even blink at the cupcakes, took my brain to a place where I actually felt like a failure after an entire month of doing a fantastic job.
Message in the mirror: You blew it! You suck! You suck at eating clean...you always do!
This occurred 3 weeks ago...and my brain feels stuck in a place of believing I really have blown it!
Then, remember, I divorced my scale. I haven't gone back, but I NEED TO! THIS HAS BEEN A VERY, VERY difficult lifestyle change! I know, from grabbing, I have gained weight, not from not weighing in, clearly from eating the wrong foods, but not tracking it has messed with me...Even though my head got caught up with the numbers, I'm not so sure this was a wise decision...but I'm too afraid to step on it now!
And then June 21st happened...and I haven't even been able to write about it yet. My heart aches for my friends' hearts. But I comforted myself with, ummmm, lots and lots of pancakes. Let's just say, I ate to offer comfort to my friend, though she never even knew...because how does my eating a dozen pancakes offer comfort to her empty arms??? No, really...
But the point is, why am I such an extremist? And why am I such an extremist with myself, against myself, with stuff that qualifies as #firstworldproblems!?!? #$%^&*
Seriously! With all the EXTREME energy I put into kicking my own teeth in, I could be putting it into something so much more world changing...or even my own small-world changing.
And so, once again, here I am telling myself to take one day at a time...to keep eating clean, but not kill myself for one day or one meal or one Doley Stoli at a friend's birthday celebration, but to live, to celebrate, and to mourn when these seasons are upon us...
*On a practical note: I've just received a supplement for my brain called Crave Arrest that my naturopath gave me. He says it will help with my EXTREME food tendencies to help balance the chemical imbalance I've grown used to because of my poor eating habits. This confirms what I read in "Unchain Your Brain," by Dr. Daniel Amen, so I guess we'll see...I also have a BLANK food journal. I chucked the other one in the trash and am starting from scratch tomorrow morning with the foods I eat in a day, along with proactive steps for triggers and negative thought battles that are sure to rage...
Friday, June 15, 2012
Me, Adrienne, Cavewoman!
(Beat your chest...)
Oh. Wait. That's Tarzan and Jane. Whatever...
Anyway, I'm Primal.
And by, "I'm Primal," I mean I have adopted the Primal/Paleo way of living and eating and exercising.
Do you have to believe in Evolution to be Primal or Paleo?
No, in fact, you don't. Although, I do believe we have evolved or adapted, if you will, over many years of existing here on Earth. But that really has nothing to do with whether you want to eat this way or not. But I was never a fish or a monkey...
No, you just have to believe in something opposite of what the horrific traditional American way of eating has brainwashed you to believe. And you have to want to do something about it...
This is not a fad diet. It's not all just eating bacon and cheese. It's a way of life of whole foods, lots of raw fruits and vegetables, lean meats and fish, and nuts and seeds. It's a lifestyle free from refined, man-made, genetically engineered "food" found in boxes, bags, and cans with dozens and dozens of ingredients on the label.
Over the last month I've essentially eaten this way, minus the fat intake. So, basically, I have avoided oils and nuts and seeds, but eaten healthy portions of all the rest of it. Now that the cleanse part is over and I'm introducing fats again, I'm not going to lie. I've found something that might be my downfall. I need to get a handle on it, because it's super yummy, but super fatty: pistachios. Oh, my!
Now, mind you, this is a #firstworldproblem. I'm sure Stella in Kenya doesn't dream about root vegetables and Svetlana in Russia doesn't drool over potatoes. It's those dang twins who really started Facebook who keep marketing pistachios. It's working and I'm buying them. And too many nuts make my thighs a little chubby.
But I can't even begin to tell you how free I feel just eating clean, ignoring the scale, doing CRAP LOADS of squats, push ups, lunges, and curls, and, did I mention, eating clean? I have a ton of energy. I literally sprinted, S P R I N T E D, the other day, several times in a row, and had no backlash of pain during the routine or the following day. I don't sprint. I've said it before, no one is chasing me, so why run? But that's the thing, I've had the energy, stamina, and strength to do just that....it's crazy!
I have found a way of living that works for me. My goal is to eat this way 95% of the time. Once in a while I may have a sugar laden, gluten free goodie, but to be quite honest, since I've cut sugar out over the last month, it's all just too sweet. I'll likely go here for a fix if I need one...
If you are looking for a lifestyle change that will radically change your health for the better, I highly recommend going Primal.
That's all. No monkeys or scientists are getting kick backs for this recommendation. I'm just feeling good and wanted to share :) Happy Weekend!
 |
| Look at Raquel rock her Jane rags... |
Oh. Wait. That's Tarzan and Jane. Whatever...
Anyway, I'm Primal.
And by, "I'm Primal," I mean I have adopted the Primal/Paleo way of living and eating and exercising.
Do you have to believe in Evolution to be Primal or Paleo?
No, in fact, you don't. Although, I do believe we have evolved or adapted, if you will, over many years of existing here on Earth. But that really has nothing to do with whether you want to eat this way or not. But I was never a fish or a monkey...
No, you just have to believe in something opposite of what the horrific traditional American way of eating has brainwashed you to believe. And you have to want to do something about it...
This is not a fad diet. It's not all just eating bacon and cheese. It's a way of life of whole foods, lots of raw fruits and vegetables, lean meats and fish, and nuts and seeds. It's a lifestyle free from refined, man-made, genetically engineered "food" found in boxes, bags, and cans with dozens and dozens of ingredients on the label.
Over the last month I've essentially eaten this way, minus the fat intake. So, basically, I have avoided oils and nuts and seeds, but eaten healthy portions of all the rest of it. Now that the cleanse part is over and I'm introducing fats again, I'm not going to lie. I've found something that might be my downfall. I need to get a handle on it, because it's super yummy, but super fatty: pistachios. Oh, my!
Now, mind you, this is a #firstworldproblem. I'm sure Stella in Kenya doesn't dream about root vegetables and Svetlana in Russia doesn't drool over potatoes. It's those dang twins who really started Facebook who keep marketing pistachios. It's working and I'm buying them. And too many nuts make my thighs a little chubby.
But I can't even begin to tell you how free I feel just eating clean, ignoring the scale, doing CRAP LOADS of squats, push ups, lunges, and curls, and, did I mention, eating clean? I have a ton of energy. I literally sprinted, S P R I N T E D, the other day, several times in a row, and had no backlash of pain during the routine or the following day. I don't sprint. I've said it before, no one is chasing me, so why run? But that's the thing, I've had the energy, stamina, and strength to do just that....it's crazy!
I have found a way of living that works for me. My goal is to eat this way 95% of the time. Once in a while I may have a sugar laden, gluten free goodie, but to be quite honest, since I've cut sugar out over the last month, it's all just too sweet. I'll likely go here for a fix if I need one...
If you are looking for a lifestyle change that will radically change your health for the better, I highly recommend going Primal.
That's all. No monkeys or scientists are getting kick backs for this recommendation. I'm just feeling good and wanted to share :) Happy Weekend!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Gun Show
There's a gun show in town today.
But yesterday, there were no guns. No. They were bat wings, Grandma-ish. "Squishy, squishy," as Emily used to affectionately say.
Nothing has changed since yesterday, to the eye, but I'm trying to love my arms...and by "love" them I mean, tough love, like Jillian Michaels, Tony Horton, boat loads of push-ups, dips, curls, type of love. Not unconditional, accept-you-as-you-are love.
It's ridiculous, really.
It's a #FirstWorldProblem to have weight TO LOSE.
Let me repeat that statement: It's a #FirstWorldProblem to have weight TO LOSE.
This isn't something with which women who walk 6 miles a day to gather water for their families will ever struggle.
And yet, there are moments, here and there, though fewer and farther between, where I wish my arms were just lean, already!
And I know. I know, okay! I am reading Voskamp's 1000 Gifts, and I know, blasted.
I do not think about it all the time. My thoughts, actually are getting better as I habitually practice the art of renewing my mind with God's word on a regular basis. When I set two alarms for 5:30 am, there are no excuses...
That Guy sure has some great things to say, I tell ya. He's super smart. Like, way smarter than Einstein, even. Like this, for example:
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller (or leaner arms) by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion - do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never even seen - don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." - The Message, Matthew 6:25-33
(green parenthesis mine...)
30 years of mental un-doing is tough work. It takes prayer, time literally changing my brain, and physical time. It's the time part I'm learning...
And so, I am practicing thankfulness, gratitude, joy, and rest in knowing He made me, He loves me, He cares for me even more than the magnificent wildflowers that are covering the countryside in Colorado at this very moment...the ones Ryan and I see on our bike rides...because I have arms that are able to grip handle bars...and I have legs strong enough to pedal.
And it's up to me to praise Him, to walk out of the gun show and focus on the Great and Glorious God.
But yesterday, there were no guns. No. They were bat wings, Grandma-ish. "Squishy, squishy," as Emily used to affectionately say.
Nothing has changed since yesterday, to the eye, but I'm trying to love my arms...and by "love" them I mean, tough love, like Jillian Michaels, Tony Horton, boat loads of push-ups, dips, curls, type of love. Not unconditional, accept-you-as-you-are love.
It's ridiculous, really.
It's a #FirstWorldProblem to have weight TO LOSE.
Let me repeat that statement: It's a #FirstWorldProblem to have weight TO LOSE.
This isn't something with which women who walk 6 miles a day to gather water for their families will ever struggle.
And yet, there are moments, here and there, though fewer and farther between, where I wish my arms were just lean, already!
And I know. I know, okay! I am reading Voskamp's 1000 Gifts, and I know, blasted.
1. Thank You, Lord, for arms, in general! I lift them high and praise Your name!
I do not think about it all the time. My thoughts, actually are getting better as I habitually practice the art of renewing my mind with God's word on a regular basis. When I set two alarms for 5:30 am, there are no excuses...
That Guy sure has some great things to say, I tell ya. He's super smart. Like, way smarter than Einstein, even. Like this, for example:
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller (or leaner arms) by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion - do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers - most of which are never even seen - don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met." - The Message, Matthew 6:25-33
(green parenthesis mine...)
30 years of mental un-doing is tough work. It takes prayer, time literally changing my brain, and physical time. It's the time part I'm learning...
And so, I am practicing thankfulness, gratitude, joy, and rest in knowing He made me, He loves me, He cares for me even more than the magnificent wildflowers that are covering the countryside in Colorado at this very moment...the ones Ryan and I see on our bike rides...because I have arms that are able to grip handle bars...and I have legs strong enough to pedal.
And it's up to me to praise Him, to walk out of the gun show and focus on the Great and Glorious God.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Week Two, Baby!
I'm on week two of my cleanse and workout schedule.
I feel UH-MAZE-ing! For reals, I have not had any cravings. Last week I was a little tired, but I'm guessing that comes from my early morning hours reading and doing my workouts.
I've had tons of energy and a lot of my feelings/symptoms/bodily aches and pains are subsiding. My hands were achy. And my knees. And I was irritable. And moody. Did I mention bloated, gassy, and the fact that none of my jeans were fitting...not even the pair I bought a month ago as my "10 lbs, give or a take a few, jeans..."
Here is the run down: Each morning I have hot lemon water with a little Stevia. This gets the liver going. I read my Bible and pray. I usually have a bit of lean protein in meat form at this time, too. Then I go to the basement and do my workout of the day. Head up to shower, get ready and get kiddos and hubster up and going and out the door. He's helpful with this, so I won't pretend I do it all on my own. He's stellar! Then each morning I am drinking my green drink. I also have hot tea throughout the day because I'm wimpy and am always cold. This is usually a green tea or herbal tea from Yogi or Medicinals. I eat fruit, green veggies, and a lean protein for lunch. I also eat this for dinner. Sometimes I'll have a piece of fruit or more veggies as a snack, but I haven't been that hungry.
Keep in mind, for the next 2ish months, I am not eating ANY of my allergens, sensitivities, or sugars, so, for me that means NO:
I feel UH-MAZE-ing! For reals, I have not had any cravings. Last week I was a little tired, but I'm guessing that comes from my early morning hours reading and doing my workouts.
I've had tons of energy and a lot of my feelings/symptoms/bodily aches and pains are subsiding. My hands were achy. And my knees. And I was irritable. And moody. Did I mention bloated, gassy, and the fact that none of my jeans were fitting...not even the pair I bought a month ago as my "10 lbs, give or a take a few, jeans..."
Here is the run down: Each morning I have hot lemon water with a little Stevia. This gets the liver going. I read my Bible and pray. I usually have a bit of lean protein in meat form at this time, too. Then I go to the basement and do my workout of the day. Head up to shower, get ready and get kiddos and hubster up and going and out the door. He's helpful with this, so I won't pretend I do it all on my own. He's stellar! Then each morning I am drinking my green drink. I also have hot tea throughout the day because I'm wimpy and am always cold. This is usually a green tea or herbal tea from Yogi or Medicinals. I eat fruit, green veggies, and a lean protein for lunch. I also eat this for dinner. Sometimes I'll have a piece of fruit or more veggies as a snack, but I haven't been that hungry.
Keep in mind, for the next 2ish months, I am not eating ANY of my allergens, sensitivities, or sugars, so, for me that means NO:
- gluten
- dairy
- eggs
- corn
- potatoes
- grains
- sugary fruits (ie, bananas, pineapple, grapes...)
- nuts or seeds
- fats other than fish oils
That leaves a lot, people. This is a first world problem to be able to even say, "Oh, I'm eliminating certain foods from my diet..." People in the third world do not have this luxury, so I would challenge you to challenge your own perspective.
I finally had to give myself a "Snap out of it!" talk and it worked...
In September when I do start introducing foods like grains or sugars once in a while, I'm approaching it more like Laura Ingalls Wilder and the days of old. They did not go to the store every day or even every week and buy a package of crap filled cookies with ingredients that included numbers and chemical compounds. Instead, they went to the bakery once in a while and got ONE special treat.
- One cookie.
- One cupcake.
- One pie to share with their whole family for a special occasion.
- One piece of candy on their trip into town with Pa.
We all boast about how our great-grandparents lived long lives eating beef and potatoes, real cream and eggs every day. We forget they didn't have boxes and bags of chemically formulated foods laden with sugar and maxi-carbs pouring down their throats.
They worked their arses off, got a heckofalot more exercise than the average person these days, and they ate whole foods. Not at Whole Foods, this doesn't have to be expensive, but actual food...like as close to the way God created it in the first place.
*How far away from it's original design is the food you are feeding your body and giving to your children? What small changes can you make to start incorporating healthier choices into your routine every day?
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