Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I Worship Food

I read The Message.  I have read the NIV for 25 years and just this year, in January, I started reading The Message as my daily bread rather than the other version I know all too well.  Making it my "daily bread" continues to be a process...sometimes I choose food.

I found this in The Message the other morning, "First you eat to live and then you live to eat."  I have found myself on the right side of the previous sentence, and let's just say, it isn't pretty.  And it isn't "right."

I'm not talking about appearances here.  I'm talking about priorities and the 10 Commandments.  I'm talking about that sentence, "First you eat to live and then you live to eat," and how the "and" is the balance for the teeter totter but I've tried to kid myself that even though I "eat clean" or avoid certain foods or know my allergies, that I'm actually "balanced."

No other god besides Me.

The truth is, I have lived to eat for so many years now that it's just become the norm.

And within Christianity, it's totally acceptable.  We should be ashamed.

No other god besides Me.

What started out as research to figure out what foods were causing bloating, gas, weight gain, dry skin, dark circles, constipation, burping, inflammation and arthritic symptoms, basically evolved into an addiction to "Food Porn."  For reals.

Why do I need an alternative to chocolate chip cookies?  Yes I'm allergic to eggs, wheat, and dairy, but to take so much time surfing the Internet to find that one amazing alternative recipe is time-not-well-spent.  Plus, I found the ultimate "alternative" recipe for chocolate chip cookies pretty close to right away, so looking any further has literally been wasted time.  And it's only led to more searching for more "alternatives."

And T.  I.  M.  E.  is my love language.

No other god besides Me.

So, here's a wake up call for me:  all the time I have spent in my life looking for alternative food recipes and worrying about being fat and bingeing on bags of chips and even allergen-friendly foods, all that time and energy, has added up to what?

I'll tell you.  It's added up to a lowercase god who has taken the place of my capital letter God.  The One and Only.  Except He hasn't been...He's been shoved aside as I've welcomed all the little guys.

No other god besides Me.

The time I've been spending in the mornings reading The Message and studying the book of Daniel, via a Beth Moore study, have shown me more than I wanted, but exposed everything in my deepest, darkest spots.

And the results?  Seriously gross stuff.

You see, when we allow all the lights to be turned on and the storage room emptied out, not all that is found and exposed will be helpful and useful.  Some of it, sure, yeah, good stuff, like certain tools and patterns of thinking or behavior that are healthy.  However, have you ever seen the show, "Hoarders?"

Sick and wrong.

Yet, that's what we have inside our lives when we lie to ourselves and believe we can stuff secrets or do it on our own strength or just muster up enough self-discipline, no matter our "vice."

The truth is, God is in love with each of us very, very, very much.  And He desires for a kind of relationship where there are no secrets between us and Him, but where there is total trust on our parts that He really is a loving God, very much interested in our intimate affairs.  He doesn't say, "No other god besides Me," because He is ego-centric.  He knows life's complications and He has all the answers...Imagine if I had always just sought Him instead of looking for instant gratification in food and other indulgences...

An old friend recently posted this song on Facebook and it's been on repeat for a few days now...I cannot get it out of my head or heart.

I know God is calling me on the carpet.

Listen a few times, google the lyrics, sit with it a few more times and ask yourself, "What in my life is an idol?"

Food has been my idol in one way or another for 30-some years.

I lay it down.


No other god besides Me.

God, I know You satisfy.  I have tasted.  You are Life.  The rest is temporary fulfillment.

So, on a practical note, one, I'm blogging this.  Two, I've told my dearest friends, openly, and, three, on Monday morning I'll be heading to Celebrate Recovery because I've been called to be a woman of God, nothing less.

Nothing less.