Thursday, February 16, 2012
An All-Time Low
As Em and Ryan and I were driving off into the sunset earlier this afternoon, I pulled Em's visor down so the sun would not be in Ryan's eyes in the back seat. Unfortunately it didn't help Em. Having a toddler, centered in the back seat, I like to be able to see him in the rear view mirror so I have it tilted down, with plain view inside the car. Does that make sense? As a result, it means I can also look in the rear view mirror to see if I have a booger or whatever, without having to adjust it towards me.
Well, as I was saying, we were driving into the sunset.
*Don't picture bliss, a warm beach, or the flowing mane on a beautiful horse.
Picture: a blinding 4 o'clock sun right at eye level, beginning its descent behind the snow covered Rockies, and 3 day-old hair plastered under a hat...with my favorite navigator sunglasses crooked on my nose because they are missing a plastic nose rest...and no make up, unplucked eyebrows, and snow boots without socks.
Let's see, what else? Oh, the only pair of jeans I have left that currently fit me because I've gained like 10 lbs or something. And they have intentional rips in the knees, but am also having to wear them because the other favorite pair that did, in fact fit, well, let's just say the butt ripped out of them yesterday.
Are you following along here?
So, as I looked in the rear view mirror to see if the sun was now out of Ryan's eyes (yes, he is forward facing, in the back middle. Yes, I realize rear facing is a better option. He's got a 5-pt Britax up to 60 lb seat and I will keep him in it until he's that weight. I don't really feel like talking about this part right now, though, okay...) I caught a glimpse of my lovely self just as we were about to turn out of the illuminating direct sunlight to head south momentarily.
Me: OH. MY. WORD! EMILY!?!?! I HAVE A MUSTACHE!! IT'S DARK! DID YOU KNOW THIS?!?!?
Em: I've known for a while, Mom...I didn't want to tell you.
Me: SO THAT'S IT?!?! I TURN 40, GAIN 10 LBS AND GROW A MUSTACHE...AND A DARK ONE AT THAT?!?!?!
Em: Yeah, I just didn't know how to break it to you. It's been there a while...
Me: OH. MY. GOSH. I MEAN, I KNOW I'VE HAD A MUSTACHE BEFORE BUT IT WAS ALWAYS BLOND, LIKE SUMMER BLOND...
Em: So what are you going to do about it?
Me: WELL, I USED TO USE A CREAM TO REMOVE IT BUT IT BURNED MY SKIN. I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO START SHAVING OR SOMETHING...
So there you have it.
I mean, a lot of you reading may even have a mustache, but when you throw in 3 day old hair, a zit I forgot to mention, the eyebrows/fat jeans/parsley in the teeth...it just reaches an all-time low.
And this the day after I felt so overwhelmed with my to-do list that I ate a quarter of a tray of brownies and had two shots of tequila, which did NOTHING for me, so either age is causing me to be alcohol intolerant or those 10 extra pounds need a third shot to really start relaxing.
I need to go make dinner...and then head up to borrow Jason's shaving cream and razor.
How pretty do you feel today?!