Tuesday, October 16, 2012


I know I haven't been here in a while.

I haven't felt like writing, one because I'm sick of the same old story.  Two because, for the most part, I'm doing well.  Three, because I don't feel like I'm really encouraging anyone else when I write here, so I'm kind of like, "What's the point?" if my journey through crap and healing doesn't help anyone but me, I'm not sure the point in having this blog.

There are plenty of recipe blogs out there, and that's not the point of this place, anyway.  And, being married to a guy who helps women and children in Third World Countries makes me nauseous that I even have ever struggled with putting food first, before God, and others.

There are some scriptures about fasting in the Bible.  One of the important elements of fasting is not doing it so others look on and "ooh and ahhh" over your outward spirituality.  As a result, I hesitated from writing a couple months ago about a fast that I did because I didn't want to draw attention to it.  However, I have to say, the benefits for my heart and mind were so encouraging, that I wanted to share a snippet with you here.

So, my struggle has NEVER been that I don't eat ENOUGH food, but too much, or really, just mindlessly...seeking something, whether comfort, instant gratification, consoling, in food, rather than in God alone.  The lines of food for comfort and food for sustenance have crossed and become a blur.  I was never good at fasting, if that's something you can actually be "good" at?  There was only one other time in my life I've fasted, one, for pure reasons, and two, where God literally provided all the energy I sought.  That was when Noah was in the hospital.

Anyway, in early August I did a week long fast of water and green juice, along with my daily supplements of a multi-vitamin, probiotics, and fish-oils.  I didn't want the week to end.  I wasn't hungry at all and each time I sat at the dining room table to read God's word, write, and pray, it was like a 5-course meal (gluten-free/dairy-free/egg-free, of course!)  Just kidding!

By Jean Fortunet (Own work) [CC-BY-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/1.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

And then the week ended, I had a good week or two, and then life started to creep in, slowly, here and there, lies, busyness, doubt, obsessive thoughts, and choice by choice, my mouth became a garbage can...not in the cool way, like, a cussing machine, have you, but just a place where I'd put food without thinking about it.

Thankfully I've been talking daily with God about this and have slowed down, laid it at His feet, and sought His face for the "Why?" of why I brat-ishly continue to put Him second to something as TEMPORARILY filling as food!!!!  And, on a practical side, I've literally SLOWED down my eating, smaller bites, sitting, actually thinking about what I'm doing rather than eating between running here and there or doing this or that.

All this to say, I'm doing a study on Daniel right now and I'm only on chapter 2.  Talk about knocking my socks off!  Good stuff!  And, of course, the first chapter talks about how Danny and his friends set themselves apart for God's purposes, spiritually, and also practically or physically, by NOT eating the king's food.  And, OF COURSE, they were found to be more physically fit and spiritually in tune.  You don't say...you mean cutting out the clutter and excess is actually beneficial?!  Duh (duh, to me...)

A wise saying I once heard and have quoted and quoted and quoted, is:

"Without accountability there is no motivation for change."

I'm sick of quoting it.  I want to live it.

I'm posting HERE for the rest of the story...

Thursday, October 4, 2012

I'm So Weak that I am STRONG!

Wow!  Has it been over a month since I've been here?

Funny how during that time I've had great days and days where I still wrestle and battle with food, health, loving myself, choices.  And all the while I've tried to do so much on my own strength.  And for what?  So I could say, "Look at me!  I have amazing self-discipline!  I am a ROCK!  I am so strong!"

The truth is, every. single. time. I try to do ANYTHING on my own strength, I fail.  And epically, I must say.

When will I learn? 

Perfection is the Enemy.

Grace is the Gift.

When will I learn that doing life in my own strength then becomes a life about me?

And the only time "A Life All About Me" is acceptable is when a person hasn't received God's gracious love and forgiveness through what Christ did for us on the cross.

Yes, I said it.  Selfishness is expected from anyone who does not follow Christ.

However, selflessness or dying to self, is counter cultural, exactly what is meant to come with a life surrendered and laid down to God's bigger picture.  So, selfishness as a Christ-follower is unacceptable.

I'm grateful that each time I fall short and have lost sight, God is gracious.  And, He receives my heart again and again and again.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,
My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

When God made us in His image, we were perfect.

Since the Fall of man, we lost that luxury.  However, Satan's lies and relentless pursuit of us here on earth has been to deceive us that our goal is to be perfect in all things, or in anything.

Like Paul says above to the Corinthians, "Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - (self) abuse, (colossal binge eating) accidents, (failure) opposition, bad breaks.  I just let Christ take over!  And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become!" (emphasis mine)