Accountability

I know I haven't been here in a while.

I haven't felt like writing, one because I'm sick of the same old story.  Two because, for the most part, I'm doing well.  Three, because I don't feel like I'm really encouraging anyone else when I write here, so I'm kind of like, "What's the point?" if my journey through crap and healing doesn't help anyone but me, I'm not sure the point in having this blog.

There are plenty of recipe blogs out there, and that's not the point of this place, anyway.  And, being married to a guy who helps women and children in Third World Countries makes me nauseous that I even have ever struggled with putting food first, before God, and others.

There are some scriptures about fasting in the Bible.  One of the important elements of fasting is not doing it so others look on and "ooh and ahhh" over your outward spirituality.  As a result, I hesitated from writing a couple months ago about a fast that I did because I didn't want to draw attention to it.  However, I have to say, the benefits for my heart and mind were so encouraging, that I wanted to share a snippet with you here.

So, my struggle has NEVER been that I don't eat ENOUGH food, but too much, or really, just mindlessly...seeking something, whether comfort, instant gratification, consoling, in food, rather than in God alone.  The lines of food for comfort and food for sustenance have crossed and become a blur.  I was never good at fasting, if that's something you can actually be "good" at?  There was only one other time in my life I've fasted, one, for pure reasons, and two, where God literally provided all the energy I sought.  That was when Noah was in the hospital.

Anyway, in early August I did a week long fast of water and green juice, along with my daily supplements of a multi-vitamin, probiotics, and fish-oils.  I didn't want the week to end.  I wasn't hungry at all and each time I sat at the dining room table to read God's word, write, and pray, it was like a 5-course meal (gluten-free/dairy-free/egg-free, of course!)  Just kidding!

By Jean Fortunet (Own work) [CC-BY-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/1.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

And then the week ended, I had a good week or two, and then life started to creep in, slowly, here and there, lies, busyness, doubt, obsessive thoughts, and choice by choice, my mouth became a garbage can...not in the cool way, like, a cussing machine, have you, but just a place where I'd put food without thinking about it.

Thankfully I've been talking daily with God about this and have slowed down, laid it at His feet, and sought His face for the "Why?" of why I brat-ishly continue to put Him second to something as TEMPORARILY filling as food!!!!  And, on a practical side, I've literally SLOWED down my eating, smaller bites, sitting, actually thinking about what I'm doing rather than eating between running here and there or doing this or that.

All this to say, I'm doing a study on Daniel right now and I'm only on chapter 2.  Talk about knocking my socks off!  Good stuff!  And, of course, the first chapter talks about how Danny and his friends set themselves apart for God's purposes, spiritually, and also practically or physically, by NOT eating the king's food.  And, OF COURSE, they were found to be more physically fit and spiritually in tune.  You don't say...you mean cutting out the clutter and excess is actually beneficial?!  Duh (duh, to me...)

A wise saying I once heard and have quoted and quoted and quoted, is:

"Without accountability there is no motivation for change."

I'm sick of quoting it.  I want to live it.

I'm posting HERE for the rest of the story...