McBigFatProblem

I have a confession.

In the summer of 1988, my parents made me get a summer job.  Apparently going to swim team in the morning for an hour and a half, then coming home to lay out in the pool for 6 more hours with a pitcher of sun tea and jug of baby oil, working on my tan lines, wasn't a real job.

Who knew?

I kid, but seriously.

I worked at McDonald's.

(*Pause.)

I will wait as you catch your breath, come to, reorient, whatever you need to do to continue reading here.

I will write that again in order for it to soak in...I worked at McDonald's.

#instagram #confession #notlovinit

We all have those jobs from adolescence we look back and are able to laugh at...and there really is so much to laugh at regarding this whole scenario.  Oh, the irony!  Hindsight brings such clarity, as well as research, educational films, websites, and nutritional books, but the information I've gleaned from this clarity isn't funny at all.  The black leather Keds to go with my black polyester pants, Golden Arches on the rear pocket...that's funny.  After only one summer of working there in my whole life, the fact that I can still say, "Hi!  Welcome to McDonald's.  My name is Adrienne.  May I take your order?"  Disturbing, yet funny. 

Over the years learning about health and nutrition, eating as close to the way God created food in the first place, then feeling the effects of it in my body, as well as my brain and energy, do make me look back and laugh at this picture, but cringe I had anything to do with Big Brother and our rampant health crisis in America to any degree.

The idea I actually thought eating there on my breaks was still a good idea even after orientation and training, well, hindsight reveals this not funny at all!  More of a brainwash session, really.

The owners were very honest, hard-working people who owned several franchises.  Physically, they didn't look as if they ate at Mickey D's regularly.  Our particular location was clean and well managed.  All that to say, truth be told, the last time I ate there was while I was pregnant with Emily, first trimester.  I wanted what the "SuperSize" guy craved:  I wanted fat and grease.  I drove through the Drive-Thru and had a cheeseburger, hold the mustard, not because I don't like mustard, I actually love it and craved it while pregnant with Ryan, but because I knew they had to make me a fresh burger if I put in a "special order."  If you are into math, Em's entering 6th grade, so that's how long it's been...

What's the point of this post, besides making fun of my high school summer job?  Well, let's just say, even as a high school kid, I knew deep down inside that smelling like a french fry every day for an entire summer, and eating a cheeseburger without mustard each day on my break, could not be good for me.  Just like out of a commercial, the next summer and summer after, I worked next door at Subway.

Which is a totally different story altogether and a load of laughs for another post, but back to the point of this one...

God created our bodies to understand the foods HE created.  And if God did make burgers, do you think He'd put up to 100 cows into one?  And did you know He created them to eat grass?  The stomachs of cows were designed to eat grass, not corn.  But setting meat aside altogether since that's a hot topic, we wonder why we are sick and diseased, achy and growing old at an alarming rate, earlier than in history...maybe "alive" longer, but not really LIVING.

*Just something to think on:  If God designed our DNA to understand the DNA in foods He designed, wouldn't it make sense that we feel better when we eat a majority of foods in the "whole food" category?

I ask this, not because I am perfect and don't ever eat GMO foods or foods in aisles in boxes with words I'm unable to pronounce since I failed chemistry, but I ask this of myself, and challenge myself, to choose the foods which are closer to the way God designed them in the first place, because, maybe, just maybe, my body will flourish and feel strong as a result.

Do I do this 100% of every day?  Nope.  As a rule of thumb, I eat "clean" 85-90% of the time, then depending on the events of the week or upcoming holidays, I'll let loose a bit.  You can bet chocolate in some form is on the agenda.  I usually can feel the effects pretty quickly, but once I get back on my "clean" wagon routine, I'm feeling good again.

If you are achy, dealing with bloating, gassy, arthritic, tired, cranky, short-tempered, experiencing memory loss, sleep deprivation, intense cravings, and whatever other things you may just think "go along with aging," I dare you, even if you don't eat at McDon*alds, the next time you go to the grocery store or to a restaurant or search the web for a new recipe to serve yourself or your family, ask yourself the question above, marked with an asterisk, in bold and italics.

And then listen to your body and see how you feel.

If we don't believe our digestive systems have anything to do with our current state of health, we're just drinking the Kool-Aid.

It's in the Lyrics

I put out an APB for good, inspirational, intense songs to put on a running play list.  Friends came through for me and you should see me go.

In December I bought myself a really nice treadmill.  I am that person, or small percent of the population, who does actually enjoy using a treadmill as a tool of exercise rather than a clothes drying rack.  I think my bent towards "responsibility" on personality tests prevents me from allowing something that expensive to sit and gather dust.

And, if you know me, I hate running, but I really don't mind it on a treadmill.  It's kind of thrilling to keep hitting the speed button to see just how fast I can run.  I've always said, "Why run?  I'm not being chased."  But, I guess in case one day I am being chased, I should be in shape enough to get away!

I don't run far, and I'm not consistent.  But I do about 6mph for a mile or two and then walk for a bit.   Or if I have tons of energy and the music is just right, I'll do one minute sprints at 7 to 8mph with one minute in between at 3 mph where I try to re-enact this...



Don't even tell me you've never tried it!

These days I do whatever it takes to keep up my motivation.  I wear a t-shirt from my friend's company that says, "One Tough Mother."  And, even though it's not bright in my basement, I'll wear my "One Tough Mother" visor just for attitude.  And Nia Shanks keeps my eyes on the prize, too.  You do what you gotta do.

The music, though...oh, the music!  Seriously!  If you are in a rut of any sort, whether it's in the realm of exercise, motivation for school or a job or relationship, a dry spiritual rut where God seems distant, or you've just had it up to here with laundry and dishes or the day to day, music can be so pivotal, in either direction.  Choose it wisely!

It blows my mind to hear lyrics written by someone who doesn't know me from Adam, yet every word seems to be stolen from my very own heart.

This morning instead of sitting and "doing" my Bible study time, I sat and listened to several songs where the artists were singing about God.  Many songs are about our relationship with God and what He does for us or how we love Him, but most days I need to hear and dwell on songs that just focus on Him, His awesomeness, and how big He is.  #intentional #perspective

There are two points to this post.  Anything else you take away is a bonus, I guess...

ONE:  Get active.  Do something.  No matter how small, don't compare it to what someone else is doing, just begin by moving your body, whichever parts you are able to move, get them going.  Just move it, move it.  Have fun and don't take yourself too seriously!  The point of exercising is overall health and loving yourself, it's not about looking like a magazine model.

TWO:  Choose music wisely.  Associate good music with positive growth, in health, your walk with the Lord, and in other healthy relationships.  Throw your arms wide and sing at the top of your lungs that you are a "Firework" or do funky hand movements to Foster the People (*suggestions...it's not like I'VE done this, of course) wink wink.  If you are in a funk with God or need a personal revival, here's a song I put on replay about 76 times, for reals, until the words sunk into my heart and pointed my eyes in the right direction.  Music is a powerful motivator.

Construction Zone

The verse I read and wrote down this morning, the first verse of the 14th Proverb.

My father was a professional builder.  He built both commercial and residential properties.  I remember his drafting table in his office, blue prints and sketches, job sites and sub-contractors.

I remember his company El Camino parked in the front drive many years growing up, as well as the much more palatable Suburban in later years.

A few times in high school I earned money by cleaning up some of his job sites on the weekends...he wouldn't let his three daughters there during the work week.

When other girls were solely looking at Teen Magazine, I was sketching floor plans and perusing the pages of Architectural Digest and Professional Builder Magazine.

Photo courtesy Pace EDU

And now we live in a new neighborhood where five years ago we lived in only the second house on the block.  I've been able to see the street fill in with homes and families, and see the different subs come and go with each phase of building.

It's really a fascinating process to see a home built from ideas and paper into a physical structure where memories are made and lives are lived, however empty or full.

There is so much beauty in how the Lord uses the imagery in scripture of our bodies being physical temples or buildings or structures meant to house His Spirit and presence.

God has me in the midst of a perfect storm, if you will, of books I am reading and scripture I am studying.  My word this year is INTENTION and I've been being intentional about time spent sitting at God's feet, studying His word, thanking Him for His many blessings, praying for whatever He puts on my heart, etc.

And I'm being INTENTIONAL about loving myself by filling my eyes and heart with food that really satisfies..."give us this day our daily bread..." not stuffing my gut with food that fills only temporarily.

Anyway, if the blue prints are wrong, they are sent back to the architect for tweaking.  If the electrician's portion of the job doesn't pass inspection, building is delayed until it's made right.

And even so,  even after a family has moved into a new home, things go wrong and need repairs.

Our lives, our temples, our day to day walks with God are similar, except much of the responsibility is on our shoulders.  We aren't puppets or robots, we are living creatures with the power of choice.

We are the builders.  Will we do what it takes to build a dwelling in which healthy life can take place, beautiful memories are made, and when others visit, they feel refreshed and encouraged?  OR, are our homes/temples/bodies dilapidated old shacks that are beyond renovation?

We have good friends who would say a hearty NO to that last question.  They bought a 100+ year old home soaked through with cat urine, stripped it to the bare minimum structure, and started again, building a fantastic property with character and charm.

Aren't you glad God is a Master Builder, and though our lives often times require remodeling and renovations due to time and wear and tear, when we bring to the job site the proper supplies and appropriate time frames for work and building, great shape and structure take form.

*How might you be INTENTIONAL today to take care of your house/temple/physical body?  Do you have a behavior you've become accustomed to that if it were translated into building lingo would look more like graffiti, bad peeling linoleum, smoke or water damage, or sledge hammer holes in the walls?  What changes can you make today, with INTENTION, that will boost the value and worth of your "home"?

The Face of Detox

*Warning!!!  There very well may be expletives.  I don't know.  I'll just see how it all flows out of me...I warned you!


No way.  No how.

Huh-uh.

I wasn't going to share this portion of my journey.  I mean, who in their RIGHT mind actually posts crappy pictures of themselves on-line?  Right?!  Except I was curious.

I'll get to that in a minute...

I swung by for a visit with my 96 year-old grandpa the other day.  I was curious.  I mean, 96 is up there, you know?  Now, think about it.  My gramps was born in 1917.  He isn't the face of youth, currently, but he's likely older than you.  I asked him what he ate as a kid, growing up...how often his mom made baked goods.  This was his answer:

"I ate a lot of vegetables and fruit.  We ate potatoes, too.  We had meat a few times a week, not at every meal.  We ate a lot of fish and chicken, mostly.  Eggs.  We had cake or cookies maybe once a month or maybe twice...for a birthday or something.  We ate fruit for dessert.  You know what the problem is with everyone today?  They're eating too many damned processed foods, it's making everyone sick and obese.  No one needs to eat as much food as we seem to think we need in America."

I didn't even ask my grandpa "What the problem was..."  I just was curious what it was that he ate as a kid.  My grandpa doesn't even know what the Internet is.  He has a cell phone he rarely uses and watches a TV at his retirement home in between naps, but it's not like he's done 10-15 years of research like I've done, either in books or on-line, to know we've both come to the same conclusion...

...so, yes, that means I could have just asked my grandpa this forever ago and saved myself a lot of work.  But, I'm grateful to do the research and also to have it confirmed through wisdom which comes from history and time.

So, as I said, I was curious.  With the holidays I ate my fair share of treats, albeit gluten free and mostly egg free, but I ate bites here and there of my major food allergens, along with a little wine over the season which I had been off of for 3 months.

And I was feeling more and more crummy.  In the mornings I felt as if I'd been hit by a truck.  My knuckles were getting stuck in an arthritic position upon wakening.  My sleep sucked.  My joints were achy.  My eyes were puffy and my skin saggy and grayish.  I had major sinus drainage, gas, bloating, and had gained, easily, 10 lbs, which I could tell by only being able to wear one pair of jeans by the end of break...the not-so-skinny jeans.

Knowing me, I had to do something radical.  So, last Wednesday after conscious indulgence of chocolate and wine and even a regular gluten-y, egg, and buttery cookie, I declared to myself I was going to start a fast Thursday morning...and I wanted to take a picture of myself each morning specifically to see if my face would brighten just from eating healthier food.

My protocol is a combo of things I've done over the years and read here and there, but the premise was to start out on water and cran-water with arabinogalactan from Biosanes while taking my supplements (fish oil, pro-biotics, women's multi) for the first 6 days (I set that because from last Thursday to tomorrow, my birthday, is 6 days) and then I'd add vegetables for a time.

Well, how it's gone so far is day 1 was all liquids, day 2 I had a lettuce salad with roasted veggies at dinner (Jason's belated work Christmas party).  Day 3 I had liquids, including a "Virgin Mary" consisting of V8 and Garden of Life Greens with a shot of Tabasco.  Day 4, a lettuce salad with roasted veggies and salsa for lunch and kale and broccoli for dinner.  Day 5 (today), clear liquids.  Tomorrow will be day 6 and I'll have a meal with my family of lettuce and more roasted veggies at dinner, but I'll document that when it happens.

Then, for the rest of January I am going to eat veggies, one piece of fruit a day, and will eventually add in fish one week, chicken the next, and beef/bison/buffalo the final week.  Maybe.  I might just stick with veggies all month.  Because I feel so clean already.

My doctor is on board with all of this (saw him today) and recommended a non-genetically modified soy protein if I am not going to eat meat the rest of the month, ONLY because I am also currently on week 4 of a 15-week lifting program called, "Lift Like a Girl."  I've got some pipes.  Don't mess ;)

So, starting tomorrow, I'll get you up to date, but, oh my gosh, let's just say, who the hell needs a picture of some other girls ripped abs or tight thighs to motivate when all I had to do was scare the hell out of myself by taking a first-thing-in-the-morning self-portrait?!  Actually, that was the cherry on top...the way I was FEELING was more of my motivation!  I took the pictures to see if how I felt matched how I actually looked in the mirror.

Yep.  It did.

But, seriously!  I'm not interested in looking at a picture of some other girl's great arms as inspiration...I'm more interested in taking charge of my own health, being a good steward of this temple God has called "me", and seeing my own healthy arms in the mirror one day.  Looking at a magazine with retouched pictures of women with rad bodies doesn't inspire me, instead it makes me want to eat more chocolate.

Looking at myself in these pictures has had the OPPOSITE effect!

So, without further ado, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap...*the following are untouched first-thing-in-the-morning pictures.  Brace your friggin' self!

Day 1- holy shit...Thursday, 1/3, Happy Friggin' New Year, Adrienne!  Point taken.

After one day of liquids and one seriously tough mother Zumba workout with the Amazing Ashleigh at HotFitness in Castle Rock, CO

Day 2 - okay...so I don't look like I was hit by a truck, right?!  Well, maybe a small one.  One day.  ONE, people.

Day 3 - feeling good, less sinus drainage, but joints still stuck in morning, and yes, I wore the same pajama shirt...

Day 4 - Em in background with her new short haircut,  looking a little puffy, likely from salt in salsa and roasted veggies, but feeling good, minus achy muscles from lifting like a girl.  Okay, yeah, I need to throw that shirt in the wash...

Day 5 - I wore an orange t-shirt to bed and it made the first picture coloration weird, so I slung a white towel over my chest.  Also was trying to avoid a porn shot of Jason in the shower behind me...anyway, woke up feeling great.  Sinus drainage almost entirely gone, no stiff joints this morning, just sore pipes.  No stinky gas or bloating.  And, and, AND I fit in my favorite jeans.  AND, and, And, I don't miss sugar or starches AT ALL.

 And here's a last pic I took just a couple of hours ago.  I do have on eye make up and some bronzer, which works friggin' miracles, but I wouldn't want to leave you with a horror shot from the previous pictures in your head.  You don't need nightmares.  I'm nice like that.

If ANYONE is interested in doing a Daniel Fast (which, by the way, ROCKS, when doing along with reading and studying the actual book of Daniel!!!) or just cleaning up and breaking free from food addiction (*reading THIS right now...) and want to join me here or share your experience, let me know :)  I always like team sports!

I don't know how to add a "Linky" but maybe someone who does could tell me...???

See you tomorrow, bright and early!  Ugh.

Cookies! Chocolate!

Right out of college I was a nanny for a wonderful family.  I was only with them for one year but we have remained friends, and family, ever since.  We've been through a lot together and I can't even begin to tell you the amount of heart space this beautiful family takes up in my life.  I love them dearly.

When I worked for Nanci Masso, I learned a lot about healthy shopping, menus, recipes, and eating because it was Nanci's line of work as well as her passion.  She was surely a front runner in the health and supplement industry and is still diligent at work educating America about health and nutrition, a place where obesity and disease is rampant.

It's crazy to think the kids I nannied years ago are all grown-ups! 

I'm thankful for that particular time in my life, and for God introducing me to this family.  I believe it was pivotal as the beginning of my journey to really know what is in food and which foods are beneficial for healthful living.  It inspired me to watch Nanci's example in the kitchen, along with her attitude toward nutrition as she raised her children.  I have her to thank for my last days at McDonald's and my decision when I became a mom to never allow my kids to eat there or at other low-quality fast food joints.

Recently Nanci and her oldest daughter, Faryn, launched a company called "Biosanes."  They have some great quality products for health and weight loss, as well as a cookie that's been featured on "Dancing With The Stars"  which is gluten-free products!

Nanci was recently on a morning show in Texas sharing one of her cookie recipes she makes at home.  I thought it looked good and I'm going to bake some of my own soon, but thought I'd share it now since I just saw the clip and didn't think something this good should wait :)  It's packed with power ingredients!  When I do make them, I'm going to split the batch and do a version with no oats but substitute coconut flour or another nut flour like almond, pecan, walnut, or hazelnut.  I'll let you know how it goes!

(From the Biosanes blog)

*FYI:  This is Nanci's recipe.  This IS NOT the recipe for their "Magic Cookie."  Just wanted to clarify...

Me, Adrienne, Cavewoman!

(Beat your chest...)

Look at Raquel rock her Jane rags...

Oh.  Wait.  That's Tarzan and Jane.  Whatever...

Anyway, I'm Primal.

And by, "I'm Primal," I mean I have adopted the Primal/Paleo way of living and eating and exercising.

Do you have to believe in Evolution to be Primal or Paleo?

No, in fact, you don't.  Although, I do believe we have evolved or adapted, if you will, over many years of existing here on Earth.  But that really has nothing to do with whether you want to eat this way or not.  But I was never a fish or a monkey...

No, you just have to believe in something opposite of what the horrific traditional American way of eating has brainwashed you to believe.  And you have to want to do something about it...

This is not a fad diet.  It's not all just eating bacon and cheese.  It's a way of life of whole foods, lots of raw fruits and vegetables, lean meats and fish, and nuts and seeds.  It's a lifestyle free from refined, man-made, genetically engineered "food" found in boxes, bags, and cans with dozens and dozens of ingredients on the label.

Over the last month I've essentially eaten this way, minus the fat intake.  So, basically, I have avoided oils and nuts and seeds, but eaten healthy portions of all the rest of it.  Now that the cleanse part is over and I'm introducing fats again, I'm not going to lie.  I've found something that might be my downfall.  I need to get a handle on it, because it's super yummy, but super fatty:  pistachios.  Oh, my!  


Now, mind you, this is a #firstworldproblem.  I'm sure Stella in Kenya doesn't dream about root vegetables and Svetlana in Russia doesn't drool over potatoes.  It's those dang twins who really started Facebook who keep marketing pistachios.  It's working and I'm buying them.  And too many nuts make my thighs a little chubby.

But I can't even begin to tell you how free I feel just eating clean, ignoring the scale, doing CRAP LOADS of squats, push ups, lunges, and curls, and, did I mention, eating clean?  I have a ton of energy.  I literally sprinted, S P R I N T E D, the other day, several times in a row, and had no backlash of pain during the routine or the following day.  I don't sprint.  I've said it before, no one is chasing me, so why run?  But that's the thing, I've had the energy, stamina, and strength to do just that....it's crazy!

I have found a way of living that works for me.  My goal is to eat this way 95% of the time.  Once in a while I may have a sugar laden, gluten free goodie, but to be quite honest, since I've cut sugar out over the last month, it's all just too sweet.  I'll likely go here for a fix if I need one...

If you are looking for a lifestyle change that will radically change your health for the better, I highly recommend going Primal.

That's all.  No monkeys or scientists are getting kick backs for this recommendation.  I'm just feeling good and wanted to share :)  Happy Weekend!

In a Nutshell

I've been away from a scale for Friday weigh-in's the last two weeks, but I weighed in this morning and am 129.0 lbs.

This is pretty crazy because over this past weekend I literally ate 100 pistachios, easily, not to mention so much other great food.  But I stayed active.  Very, very active.

I know nuts and seeds are not on my food intake list until next weekend, actually, but we were guests at a friend's ranch and I was doing my best to navigate the menu without drawing attention to myself.  I was able to grab fruit and salads and veggies on most occasions, but not always a little meat.  It all worked out and the night they had pizza, I darned near emptied the pistachio jar.  (Yep...any of you reading who were also at the ranch, that was me...sorry!)  And, I'm truly not being legalistic, which is a first for me pretty much in my whole life when it comes to myself and my own behavior.

Anyway, I'm finding that I have a ton of energy.  I'm sleeping so soundly and am able to spring out of bed in the morning to greet the Lord and read The Message.

I've looked at a little food porn lately, and by "food porn" I mean some recipe blogs and websites.  Particularly, I've been searching ones that are solely Primal or Paleo in nature.  This is essentially how I will be eating the rest of my life 95% of the time.  But, looking at food porn at this point in my cleanse is NOT a good idea, only because it's inevitable...I'm looking for a main course meal option with tons of veggies and fish or meat and then a grain-free, vegan baked good pops up on the site that's all chocolaty and amazing looking and I start to drool and wonder if I have the ingredients on hand.  And that's what I mean by "food porn."

Anyway, I'm enjoying working out again, which for a season it seemed like I just was doing it out of fear of fatness or fear of being a lazy 40-something who makes the excuse of just being too busy.  Now, I feel so strong.  I even discovered I have deltoids over the weekend.  Whofreakingknew?!  I didn't!  I have literally never had definition in my arms, though I've had muscles I could feel under a coating.

I'm not trying to lose weight or anything like that at this point.  I'm building muscle and trying to gain strength and tone.  I can curl 15 lbs now.  And, I did 40 push-ups in a row on Saturday.  Followed by 35 more.  I do them on my knees, but if you think that is wimpy, then go ahead and try it...all the way to the floor, wide push-ups and Yoga-style tricep chaturanga push-ups.


Ready:  Go!  (Yeah...that's what I thought...)

I've also just finished the book, "Unchain Your Brain," by Dr. Daniel Amen, MD, and Dr. David E. Smith, MD.  If you suffer from any kind of addiction, I would highly recommend this book!  The subtitle is, "10 steps to breaking the addictions that steal your life."  I re-checked it out from the library so I can read it again, it was just that helpful.

Food is a real addiction.  I'm breaking free from mine!

No food in the world is worth hurting myself or sabotaging just for the taste or comfort.  If my head isn't on straight to make that healthful or unhealthy food choice, then I've been getting out of the kitchen or situation, and changing course.

Will I ever eat sweets or treats again?  Yeah.  Once in a while.  But in America, we eat it every day and we wonder why we have so many diseases...it really is no wonder.

There is no reason to wonder.

Stop wondering.  

Write down what you eat and how you feel and then make changes to feel better.  One choice at a time.  No one else can choose health for you.  Loving yourself doesn't mean rewarding yourself with foods that make you sick.  Loving yourself is nourishing your body and brain.

How close is the food you are about to consume to its original DNA God-design?  Keep this question in mind at the store, at restaurants, and at home.

Eating whole tastes awesome!


God knew what He was doing when He made it...imagine that!?

Feeling Good!

I'm just over two weeks into this thing.

I feel good.

I feel clean.

In fact, my brain feels healthy and that is of utmost importance to me, even above and beyond my physical well-being.

I haven't followed each exercise day to a "T" but have done something active almost every day.  This past weekend we drove to South Dakota for a wedding and it rained for a majority of the time.  I didn't get out and walk like I thought I would, but we were so busy with wedding planning and preparation, I never had a chance to really sit, so I felt active.

South Dakota, as much as I love it, has historically been a place of overeating for me.  And over 21 years of many, many visits, I've allowed really fabulous memories of being surrounded by people I love dearly become intertwined with making poor food choices.  Every gathering centers around food and celebration, which is wonderful.  However, for the most part, the recipes have been high-carb, high-sugar, high-fat, allergy-laden, or just plain old out of proportion, for me.

Being on this cleanse and getting it into my head that I am allergic or sensitive to certain foods really empowered my mind to set the tone for the choices I made all weekend.  I wasn't sad that I was allergic to or avoiding a majority of the menus.  I was able to eat great meat, tons of veggies, and ample fruit throughout the weekend and am able to look back on the whole experience without one regret.

NOT ONE SINGLE REGRET.

For me, that is huge!  HUGE!

I hate regrets, especially when it pertains to food or excess intake of it, or a particular culprit.

Having a plan written out and a course of action in place for eating healthily has been a great help to me.  I encourage you.  You can make healthy choices.  It's not about how you look in the mirror...it's about stewardship.  We are given one physical body on this earth.  The one you are sitting in right now...that's it, baby.  Are you nurturing it with real life-giving foods or overloading it with "food" it does not comprehend, stuff found constantly in boxes, bags, and with dozens of "ingredients" you aren't able to pronounce?

It's about loving yourself.  If you eat that third piece of pie, you aren't "sticking it to the man" or giving an "in your face" to the person who hurt your heart.  They could care less if you are unhealthy.  You are only taxing your body, asking it to process two pieces more than it should.

It's about whether you can chase your kids at the park, fly kites with them, ride bikes, swim at the pool or lake with them and their friends, climb up into their beds to read at night, wrestle on the floor with them...

...and if you don't have kids, it's about being able to enjoy your friends, relationships, or spouse without obsessing about your back fat, taking a walk or going mountain biking or climbing together, canoeing, running, laughing, enjoying life together, instead of succumbing to being irritable, cranky, and feeling like heck because your brain is toxic from the wrong foods.

Just because I can't eat recipes with eggs, dairy, or gluten doesn't mean I missed out on anything this last weekend.

I actually got to take part and enjoy what mattered the most:  SPENDING TIME WITH SO MANY PEOPLE THAT I LOVE AND FOR WHOM I AM GRATEFUL.

*If you read this feeling sorry for me whatsoever, I would challenge you to start peeling off the layers in your own mind of what really matters and if you, indeed, have a food addiction.  If you believe I missed out on anything, food wise, I would challenge your thinking...

Day 2

Good morning!

Just so you can get an idea of how quickly my body responds to clearing out allergens and refined carbohydrates, let me share my journey from yesterday to this morning.

Yesterday I got up, had hot lemon water and spent some time with God.  I spent some time with Jillian Michaels doing one of her twenty minute 30-day Shred videos.  I drank tons of water throughout the day. I had a big green drink for breakfast (RAW by Garden of Life).  Ry and I got Em off to school, ran some errands, took both kids to the dentist, Em back to school, then Ry and I headed home for lunch.  I had an enormous greens and herb salad with 4-5oz of chicken, a Pink Lady apple, and some homemade dressing I made up w/Apple Cider Vinegar, Balsamic, stevia, 1 tsp of "21 Salute Seasoning" from Trader Joe's.  For dinner I made shrimp lettuce wraps with green onion, cilantro, mango, cucumber, ACV, turmeric, cayenne, smoked paprika, and salt.  (For the rest of the family I made a peanut sauce and rice noodles.)

I was not hungry all day.  I did not go to bed hungry.  In addition to lots of water throughout the day, I also had a little green tea with stevia.

Yesterday morning my weigh-in was 139.6 lbs.

This morning my weigh-in was 136.0 lbs.

I wasn't trying to lose 3.6 lbs in one day.  I just know how quickly my body responds to taking out culprits.

I did have a carb/sugar withdrawal headache last evening, but after a good night sleep, it's gone and I feel energized this morning.

Have a great day!  I just finished my morning Yoga and am going to get my kids some breakfast.

Cheers!

A Fun Opportunity

So, I'm getting ready to re-launch my non-profit organization, Bevy, so I have been cleaning up some of my accounts.  I had neglected Twitter for several months because, well, frankly, I'm on Facebook more and hadn't really learned the ins and outs of Twitter...still don't really know them...

Anyway, yesterday I was updating my Twitter "bio" if you will, and took out the "Radio Show Host" part since I don't host my own show anymore.  Remember this:

Anyway, then, earlier this afternoon my friend Ginger sent me a text and asked if I wanted to jump in as a guest co-host on her friend's radio show tomorrow morning.

So, Jenny Dean Schmidt has graciously asked me to co-host her www.channelmom.com show bright and early on St. Patrick's Day.  And she didn't even know I'm a little Scotch-Irish...

We had a chance to speak earlier this afternoon and it was a great time of hearing each others' stories.  I'm looking forward to meeting her in person tomorrow as we interview two moms who are also both authors.

...And their topics:  Parenting and Food.

Huh....I'm a parent and I love to eat, so this should work out seemingly :)

Jenny was so excited because she had spent a little time on this blog and my Closet Eater Blog, so thinks I'll be a good fit for talking with the moms tomorrow.

We'll be interviewing Anne Wiggins, co-author of "Parenting from the Heights" and Beth Aldrich, author of "Real Moms Love to Eat."


So, who's with me?  Who wants to wake up at the crack of dawn and cheer me on LIVE?  Huh?  Huh?

Just go here tomorrow morning at 8:00 am Mountain Time:  www.channelmom.com and go to the channelmom Radio page and follow the instructions.

And, if you are local, it'll be on 93.7 FM

Goodnight!

Clean Cheating

My Naturopathic Doctor was making fun of me the other day. 

I guess it's all relative, but she was like, "Adrienne, bad eating to you would be clean eating for someone else.  There's got to be another reason for the weight gain other than what you are eating...I think it's stress related, but we'll need to investigate."

That could be true, but, this journey, my journey, is about this girl and her pursuit of health and life-giving choices.  So, yes, I suppose when I "splurge" on 5 brownies made of raw figs/dates/walnuts/cocoa/agave it's healthier than choosing 1/2 a box of Little Debbie's or something.  Or eating all but one bite of a Persian Key Lime Tartlet by Hail Merry might be better for my body than wolfing a piece of Key Lime pie by a certain female chef who has recently been diagnosed with diabetes for eating her own recipes...but not really.  Because sugar is sugar is sugar...and just because that tartlet doesn't have my key allergens in it doesn't mean it's necessarily a "better splurge"...anyway...

Maybe I do choose healthy binge food, but the key word there is binge.  No matter if my choice yesterday was 2 cups of popcorn, 3 Tbsp chocolate chips, 2 large "ants on a log", a dozen corn chips with salsa, and that tartlet, it's the why that gets me thinking...

I have noticed a pattern when I eat clean for 6 days and then have a couple of "whatever I want" meals on the 7th day, I feel great in general.

However, if I try to push it through more than those 6 days, like say a week and a half or two, then I have a "crazy day" and eat, or at least think about eating, outside the box, that is, my box.  I have also noticed that a "crazy day" is often the unforeseen prelude to that time of the month.  Case in point, apparently.

The part that makes me cranky, though, is I feel I've let a few friends down.  Several friends have given up sugar and white stuff for Lent and I've been encouraging them on their journeys.  They may or may not go back to eating from whence they came once Easter arrives, but for me, it's a lifestyle, not a 6 week change of course, so I'll still eat the same way.  Yeah, I had a rough go over the holidays and my birthday, but my goal and lifestyle are clean eating 90 - 95% of the time.  Not for legalism sake but because I know my body loves me when I love my body through healthful choices. 

Anyway, I feel better now and know what my trigger was.  I did give in, but this isn't legalism, this is love and I'm back to my 3 meals a day for a while because eating that way gives me plenty of energy.  And 6 days on, one day off...that helps keep my mind straight.  Glad Lent is set up that way anyhow.

It's all just one day at a time.  I'm just grateful for God's grace and strength in the journey...

50 First Dates

I've literally been thinking of loving myself along the lines of dating or getting to know me.

Imagine if your first date was supposed to be something simple, like meeting for lunch at a little local bistro on a sunny Spring day...you pick out a classic little dress, your favorite strand of pearls, and those cute little sandals you've been waiting to pull out of the closet all winter. 

What if once I got to the quaint little restaurant the hostess showed me to the kitchen, to a corner of the prep chef's counter, where a few random vegetables and bags of this and that were strewn nearby, along with a dish towel?

And what if my date walked in and said, "I bought those ingredients, so help yourself...they don't have any chairs back here, and I apologize for the mess and chaos, but it is the lunch hour, so I'm sure you understand...oh, we can share that dish towel for our napkin.  I also have a nice walk to the laundromat planned for after we're done eating..."  And so you stand there, in a fully functional kitchen, pick at some food you eat while standing up, but really don't take it all in because all you want to do is get out of that kitchen.  This is this guys idea of a date?!  #$%^&

Maybe you get the point, maybe you don't? 

I do.

If my husband had tried to woo me with a first date like that, it would have been our last.  Unless he owned the restaurant and was going to be preparing me gourmet  meals the rest of my life...but that wasn't the case.

The point is I am learning it is important to slow down and date me. 

For the last week I have only made two significant changes in my day to day routine, but as I said, they have been significant.  One is I have stopped snacking, therefore eating only 3 times a day.  As a result, I have taken the time to woo myself with the cutting board and chef's knife, chopping veggies and preparing meals for myself, not just eating Ryan's leftovers or stealing tastes while preparing dinner.  I have taken time to sit myself down at the table to eat all three meals (dinner easy b/c I do that with family) AND while I'm eating, I'm not multi-tasking.  I'm literally just eating.  Profound, huh?!

The other change I made last week was including Yoga workouts into my routine.  I did Yoga 4 times last week.  Man was I sore after the first official workout but since I stuck with it, my muscles felt great as the week progressed.

I always drink a ton of water, so that didn't change.  Everything else remained.  As a result, I lost 3.8 lbs. 

Taking time to have lunch with myself is a date unlike the one pictured above that usually is played out with me in my work out pants with three day old hair, slippers on, no bra, and fuzzy teeth sweaters. 

And my workouts have been an amount of time I have to squeeze in necessary exercise to help my heart and muscles, but it's been stressful to make the time.  Somehow the benefits of Yoga and how I feel during and afterwards have been worth it enough for me to make the time, and without the stress.

I think I'm on the right track as far as it relates to me.  Now to get rid of the 3 day old hair ;)

Out of Whack

Some things are skew in my body, but I'm on the hunt to get to the bottom of it. 

Along with a few other friends, I am eating clean through Lent, but in truth, that doesn't mean a lot to me.  Lent means a lot to me, I don't mean that.  I mean, the time frame.  I like to eat clean 95% of the time because of how I feel, so when Easter comes around, I'm not going to go back to wanting to eat poorly, but, it gives me a time frame to walk with other friends on their journeys to health and healing, and enjoy their encouragement in return.

In the meantime, I'm discovering more and more about my body and how certain foods just aren't cut out for me...and that's okay...it's just a matter of NOT choosing them.  And I've done well for a week now, minus the Frontera Chips episode. 

Oh wait!  Last Saturday I went to High Tea at the Brown Palace with Emily, my little sister, her mother-in-love, and my mom to celebrate my mom's official diagnosis of being a "Breast Cancer Survivor."  I emailed ahead and requested gluten-free, but knew there would be egg, dairy, and sugar in most of the goodies, either way...and that I'd likely pay for it.  As a result, I literally gained 7 lbs in one day (I know a majority of it is water, but the fact is, when your body retains that much water after a simple tea party that the next lady didn't pack on the weight from, well, it's pretty clear my body is saying, "No way, Jose!  Stop giving me processed ANYTHING!") 

Funny how I could forget we went to tea, but my hubby has been out of town for over a week and so this week has been a blur...

Anyway, I'm teetering on this balance beam between frustration and doing this one day at a time.  I feel like my body is a bit out of whack and I KNOW when I'm in a clean eating routine those symptoms virtually disappear...it's just a matter of time in continuing to eat clean, distancing myself from having eaten poorly.

Symptoms.  I've had some newer symptoms lately are bugging me, so all the more reason to keep choosing clean.  One is a weird chemical taste in my mouth after I eat.  This could be the taste of detoxing my system.  Another, which I've had lots of in the past is my hip is totally flared up which means it's popping like corn in a hot kettle...it basically feels like fire in my hip.  And finally, I've been having more bouts of light headedness and some dizziness, which has become more frequent.  (Sheesh, how old do I sound?!)  So, hopefully these will pass as I continue to eat clean. 

And by "clean" I mean, nothing processed, no sugars, no dairy, no grains.  Lots of veggies, lean meats and fish, and some fruit, nuts and seeds.  Basically Paleo, and trying to eat the majority of my fruits and veggies RAW. 

So, if for some crazy reason I can't get myself cleaned up on the inside and healthy by Easter, I'm taking drastic measures...

...not sure what that means, but I know I want to grow old like this lady.

A Simpler Way

I'm a purger. 

Not in regard to food.  I never could make myself throw up.  I'm not talking about that kind of purging. 

I'm a binge-er when it comes to food.  You already know this...

But I'm a purger of stuff. 

I have a lot of stuff and when I feel overwhelmed it's easy for me to do away with it because it's just stuff and since having a son pass away, I'm not attached to things, so chucking stuff kind of rocks...because, like I said, it's stuff.

We definitely place value on stuff, but we can't take stuff with us to Heaven.  Even though we can enjoy it here on Earth and it can often serve a purpose, too much stuff can be a trigger for overwhelm.  At least for me. 

So, as the research geek that I am, I usually have stacks of books here and there either on my desk or next to my bed on a few topics.  And all of the research is good and fascinating.  But I've read a boat load of books about health, nutrition, natural foods and healing, allergens, auto-immune diseases, juicing, cleansing, etc, etc.

And it occurred to me yesterday as I looked at the 5 books I had just grabbed from the library that there really isn't enough time in a day or week or even month to, ironically, digest everything in those books...and for the most part, I've read them or something similar already at some point over the last 20ish years.

So I know what they're going to say:

"Eat as closely to the way God made food in the first place."

 It's basic.  It's simple.  It's truth. 

What does that mean?  Instead of apple pie choose apple sauce, but instead of apple sauce, choose an apple.

If we were to eat food the way God made it, mostly raw fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, some fish and lean meats, we'd be really, really, really healthy people.

And when I do eat that way, I feel fantastic.

So, I took every book back to the library.  I purged my book shelf of all the random books there collecting dust that "I'll read one day...", I deleted ALL the food blogs I had bookmarked on my computer, and that's just the beginning.

You see, I think that when we learn we have a food sensitivity or allergy or are needing to scale back because the scale is telling us something, we tend to fight it.  At least I did.  I used to.  I would search the Internet then for recipes of what I could eat.  What are alternatives to chocolate chip cookies or brownies or cakes or other pastries that are: gluten free, egg free, dairy free, low or no refined sugar, low carb, yada, yada, blah, blah.

And the truth is:  When I eat clean, whole foods, I crave clean whole foods.  And, when I eat high fat, sugary recipes I crave those things.

Symbolically purging all those books and blogs out of my life and literally looking up Scriptures that have to do with:  Filling, Satisfaction, Food, Health, Nourishment, Jesus being Living Water...well, let's just say it helps me to get back to simpler things, like allowing God to fill me instead of a pan of carbs.

This simplifying or purging isn't just happening in my way of eating.  I'm de-cluttering my life this Lenten season. 

I need to be free to be me.  And that freedom will continue to come as I get back to a more simple way of living.

In the Midst of it

I love and hate that we can be used to encourage others, in the midst of it.

For example, I don't love how I've allowed myself to eat without thinking more often than not over the last 2 months.  I don't love that the choices I've made about food have even crossed over my food sensitivity and allergy "borders" I had set up for myself.  (Gluten, dairy, eggs, and refined sugars.)  I don't love that I'm down to one pair of jeans, and they aren't the "skinny" ones.

I hate that the very thing my body needs to avoid in order to feel healthy and strong is the very thing it THINKS it wants/needs when I am stressed or stressed, or say, like, stressed or something...

But, even though I don't love being the example of failure, floundering, and picking myself back up again, I know I'm able to encourage others in the midst of it.

Now, I'm not saying any of you are in need of my encouragement, but for the last 2 hours I was on the phone with an old friend that I dearly love.  One I hadn't talked to in at least 3 or 4 years.  The kind of friend you just pick up where you left off...no neediness or wondering if we still love each other just because our lives are on different courses.

You know, a friend.

Anyway, she's in a health crisis, to call it what it is.  And she was told by her doctor a few years back she needed to make some major dietary changes to feel better.

But she didn't and now she feels worse.  She's in the midst of it.

I've studied and experimented on my own body enough over the last 15 - 20 years to know what foods have caused similar symptoms in me.  The times I have chosen to eliminate food culprits from my daily intake I have:  lost weight, gained tons of energy, felt stronger, had mental clarity, lost the aches and pains in my hands and knees, greeted my alarm clock in the morning with a smile rather than an iron fist, and had a positive thought life and outlook.

I'm not saying I'm a doctor or dietitian or nutritionist, so don't misquote me.

I am saying, though, from personal experience, trial and error, and sweat and tears, I know a process of eliminating foods that aren't good for me, and though her food culprits will be different because she's a different person, I can encourage her to find out what her culprits are, to see how she feels, to decide if eating those foods are really worth it or not, both the good foods and feelings and the bad foods and feelings.

The last 2 months were a temporary derailment in my own food and health life.

When I hit "send" on my friends email with the books she was wondering about, websites and helpful tips, I'm doing it all right along with her.

I want to encourage her while she's in the midst of it...in the midst of it.

Go Green

These are some veggies I've been juicing lately.  I couldn't rotate the picture for some reason, which is annoying, I know, but what has stood out to me the most as I've juiced one or two times a day is how colorful the foods are and how great I feel.  For some reason when I eat a salad or a plate full of sauteed veggies, I don't really notice that the colors are so vibrant!  This has GOT to be good for me!

Pretty much if you add lemon, lime, or fresh ginger to any juice recipe, it's a winner!

The veggies pictured previously did not create this smoothie.  I got it from the Juice Lady's recipe for Cherie's Awesome Green Smoothie.  Here is a link to more recipes.

Yes, it's thick.  I'm slowly chugging it as I post...

And just for fun, this is what I'm wearing as I post!  It's a snow day here in Colorado, so that's Em in the background with her friend, suiting up to head back outside for a second round of snow fun!  And me?  Well, several years ago I found that green treasure at the Goodwill Thrift Store.  You know you want one!  I couldn't resist buying it because it was SO retro and out there!  Jason and I shoveled the driveway together earlier today...and this is what I wore...I'm so glad he loves me even though I'm a weirdo!

So, I'm not going to lie.  The smoothie by Cherie Calbom is delicious, but it's thick going down.  Here's the recipe and then I'll share my thoughts:

• 1 Avocado, peeled and seeded, cut into chunks (I forgot to cut it into chunks)
• 1 cup raw spinach
• 1/2 English cucumber, peeled if not organic, cut into chunks (I used a regular one)
• juice of one lime (I used 1 Tbsp organic lime juice from my fridge)
• 1 Tbsp green powder of choice (I used Garden of Life Perfect Food RAW)
• top with 2-3 tsp ground almonds (I skipped this as I am avoiding nuts right now...)

Then it says, place the top 5 ingredients in a blender and blend well, until smooth.

Let's just say, I put it all in the blender and nothing happened.  I even have a high-powered blender.  I added a little water...this helped...for a little bit.  I added 8oz of water which finally allowed the ingredients to become a smoothie.

So, here's the deal.  It actually tastes good.  It really does.  But.  But.  But.  I had what I think is a brilliant idea, since, really this drink is like trying to chug guacamole...

Add one or two more avocadoes, some fresh cilantro, a tomato and salt, up the green powder to 2 Tbsp and double the lime, then serve with fresh veggies sticks, yummy root chips or corn chips.

Seriously, your kids (or your husband) won't know it's got spinach, cucumber or the green powder in it.  It's like that Deceptively Delicious book by Seinfeld's wife...except taken up a notch.

And, always, always, always eat this wearing your green retro snowsuit from the 70's.

All is NOT Vanity!

"All is Vanity" by Allan C. Gilbert

I had a revelation a couple weeks back at group counseling.  It was UH-MAZE-ing!  So, here's a little history...once upon a time my mom was a beauty queen and a model.  She fell in love with my dad, got married and had 3 little girls.  The 3 of us girls used to play in her closet, trying on tiaras, donning "Miss So and So" sashes, prancing around in beautiful gowns, waving and smiling, and flipping through the pages of photos and article clippings, dreaming about what it was like to be a real princess, like our mom. 

The funny thing was our mom had stuffed that memorabilia in bottom drawers and in the back of her closet, not because she was ashamed or embarrassed, I don't think, but because though it had been fun and special to be involved in such circles, it didn't define her.

In my mind, however, it was all I wanted to be.  I wanted to be pretty like my mom.  I wanted to wear beautiful gowns and have my hair done all fancy-like.  I was that little girl who dressed up in her mommy's clothes and pretended to be a grown lady.  I used to sit on her bathroom counter while she did her hair and make-up for a date night out with my dad.  My parents were, and are, beautiful people.  But not only on the outside.

Anyway, in junior high I used to look at Teen Magazine.  Bad idea.  Seriously, parents, it's not necessary, there is NO wisdom in it, and if you don't want your kids doing the nasty at an early age, it's best just to avoid it altogether.  It doesn't feed their souls or minds.  There's better "trash" out there, let's just say.  ANYWAY, hello tangent, I used to Eat. It. Up.  And, if you are near 40ish, like yours truly, you may remember the advertisement from John Casablancas for their "Model Search."

I remember it well.

I wanted to be a model.

I asked my dad if I could be a model.

He said no.  He said I would lose my soul.

I remember being disappointed then.  However, in time, even early on, like in high school, I remember being grateful he had said no.  He knew something I didn't.  (Imagine parents knowing more than their kids...)

I would have indeed lost my soul because I didn't know what real beauty was at the time.  I just knew what I thought was pretty...and in my mind it included the approval of others.

Well, fast forward to my group counseling session a few weeks ago and the part where I have never loved myself.

I KNOW God is totally in love with me.  I KNOW He is totally in love with you and I will tell you and everyone in the whole wide world so until I'm blue in the face.

But the part that says, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself," well, I've never loved myself.  I don't believe I haven't been able to truly love others because I haven't loved myself.  I'm pretty good at loving others.  I love a lot of others.  But I bet I've missed out on the extent to which I CAN love others...anyway...

But somewhere in my young heart and mind, way back when I wanted to be a model, I merged the idea of loving myself with vanity...

...and sooooooo, last Fall when I lost the weight that I knew I could lose and finally was able to look in the mirror and say to myself, "Yes.  That's the girl I always knew was under there..."  and I felt pretty and confident and finally liked the me I could see but then sabotaged my weight loss, I realized it was out of fear.

I feared being vain.

For years I had equated who I WAS with who I SAW in the mirror.  And ironically, I had it backwards...and ironically "WAS" and "SAW" is a palindrome.

What I see in the mirror and who I am on the inside and outside are allowed to match.  Yes, Paul tells women that our beauty should not come from our outward appearance, jewelry, hair, yada, yada, but from the inside, from our hearts.  I get that.  But there is nothing wrong with loving ourselves and taking care of ourselves, wearing pretty things, exercising, losing weight, doing things that benefit our bodies so that we can be confident in who we are in Christ, serving Him to the best of our abilities.

Beauty is not evil.  Wanting to feel pretty isn't a crime.

I realize now that the last year of stopping the excuses, rolling up my sleeves, and losing the extra weight to find physically the girl I've always known was there, was my first step towards really loving myself.

And it wasn't in vain and it wasn't to be vain.

I did it to be healthy.  I didn't do it to sit around and stare at myself or think of myself as all that and a bag of chips.

I did it to be free!  And I'm feeling more and more free to finally love me!

I'm "Lo"

Today as I hopped on the scale for my weekly weigh-in (I was going to start weighing myself daily but weighing yourself every day the week of your period is dumb...) it said, "Lo."  Though, reading this when you know you are packing a little extra water weight really is kind of encouraging...even if it doesn't have anything to do with me :)

Of course "Lo" means the scale, one, can't spell, and two, needs a battery change but it's one of those lithium types that I don't just have lying around, so I need to plan a trip to the store.

But as I pondered the read out, "Lo," I thought, wouldn't that be nice if the scale read:

• "Low"
• "High"
• "Just Right"

Or even better, what if scales were more like personal coaches or motivational speakers:

• "You can do it!"
• "Way to go!"
• "You know you have what it takes!"
• "Get off you butt and MOVE IT!"
• "NO MORE EXCUSES!'

Or not have a scale at all.

Except that we still need ways to gauge our health.  For me, those ways are making a majority of my food choices from raw fruits and vegetables, juicing green stuff, eating lean meats and good fats, limiting my processed foods, avoiding my allergens and indulging once in a while rather than indulging all the time and having a veggie once in a while.

Anyway, the scale is broken, my kid is napping, I'm headed to the basement to hop on the treadmill, it's snowing outside, and I don't feel like going out to buy a new battery just to step on the scale to see what my weight is today.  I know I am down from last Friday, maybe a pound or so, just b/c last Saturday my scale did work and it read 137.6.  Whatever.  For my body, I know what foods to avoid in order to keep my weight around a certain number...I just have to decide to do it or not.  And this past week, I didn't make that choice...

Derailment

Have you ever driven slowly by the scene of an accident?  Well, I mean, hopefully you have because we're supposed to slow down for the safety of those helping.  But have you ever slowed down just to look?

Maybe you assess the situation, wonder how on earth that car got way over there or you hope and pray no one was in the back seat of the other car that now has no back seat.  You say a prayer for those involved, and drive on your way...a little slower, maybe a bit more cautious.

Or what about trains?  I heard years ago, what I believe is an urban legend, if you put a penny on a train track it will derail a locomotive.  This is highly doubtful, but I looked it up just to confirm.  Notsomuch.  Just flat pennies and money taken out of circulation is all.  However, the Federal Railroad Administration said that a cow, boulder, a car or other larger items could, indeed, derail a train.  But, regardless of how a train wrecks, the truth is, they are large machines with heavy duty power driving them....when one of those bad boys goes off track, it's not very pretty. 

It takes work to have it up and running again...

When my son was in the hospital the nurses once in a while would say, "We have a train wreck!"     There weren't actual train wrecks happening, but it meant bad news and a busy night ahead for all those working.

Hollywood has tried to create train wreck scenes over the years and if you search you will find some pretty bad ones from way back when where clearly someone borrowed their child's "under the Christmas tree" train set to set the stage.

Yes, or maybe no, I suppose accidents can "just happen."  But I'm not totally convinced.  After going through what we did with Noah, I'm not so sure there is such a thing as "chance."  But that's another post altogether.

No matter what, at least here in America, if there's a crash or accident of some sort, a derailment or train wreck, one thing we know is there will always be an investigation:

• How did it happen?  
• What time did it occur?  
• Who was involved?  
• What were the circumstances?  
• Was weather a factor?  
• Did alcohol play a role?  
• Who is at fault?   
• Can it be prevented in the future? 
• What can we learn from this situation?
• Basically, what happened?!?!

Anyway, I've been thinking for the last few days about things that "derail" me.  I went to group counseling on Tuesday and, of course, it was friggin' awesome.  But I've been asking myself questions, like those above, as it relates to food, health, and loving me.

I do really well in routine.  I like it.  I also like flow.  I enjoy freedom.  Notsomuch a fan of others trying to control me or my life, my opinions or my time. 

The last month and a half have been really inconsistent on my part and so, I decided to: 

Stop.  

Collaborate.  

Listen.  

Figure out where I lost my mojo, if you will.

What derails me and causes me to eat 6 chocolate chip cookies isn't what derails you.  I talked to a friend this morning.  Someone brought amazing tortilla chips to work to share.  That's thoughtful and all, but notsomuch for the one in the office who just. can't. stop.  And, chatting with a girl at the store earlier, just the thought of her ex-husband drives her to snarf down the whole package of sugar cookies.

We have different triggers.  For me, when I am sailing along in my routine and it's working nicely for me and then I physically leave my familiar surroundings for say, vacation or a road trip...DERAIL.  As great as vacations should be, sometimes I don't know how to make good choices in those unfamiliar and unstructured settings, ie: tons of tortilla chips and tequila in Mexico, for instance. 

As I've looked back over the last month+ I realize we've had the holidays, a trip to Mexico, I had a birthday and I started group counseling.  Those would be the big dogs...changes.  I've also had two kids who keep passing the sick baton back and forth.  And this morning I've cleaned up dog barf 7 times.  It's Superfun!

I've made good choices off and on.  And I've made poor, unhealthy choices off and on.  But, one of the best things I have done for my heart and mind is not throw it all out with the bathwater but realize it's a process.  This isn't all or nothing, like I failed and am not a healthy person because I had a fender bender or even derailed.  I know it's one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.  And I know when my body feels good when I've eaten healthily and when I feel like I got hit by a train if I've attended my own personal carb-fests.

But I'm more aware and I think that's part of the battle.  For me, my triggers include:

• lack of schedule
• clutter, either around my house or in my mind
• so much to do I'm not sure where to start, overwhelm
• neediness from others and not sure if I'm the one to fill the need
• hitting snooze and not getting up when my alarm goes off, slippery slope in losing schedule
• looking at too many food blogs for recipes, even if looking for good ones it can be food-porn

What are your triggers?  What things or people or places "derail" you?

Friday Weigh-In

I'm kind of cranky but it's part of the process, maybe?!  My weigh-in this morning was 139.6 lbs.

I threw out my back after hauling an armoire from the 2nd floor to the basement with my husband.  I was so revved up to work out all week long and then spent the last 4 days stretching instead. 

The other thing that busts my chops is that I've been juicing 2x a day for a week and a half.  WTH?

And, the other thing that busts my chops is that 139.6 lbs, a year ago, would have been cause for celebration.  Now I have one nice soft roll when I sit down and two thighs that give each other a high five when they pass by.  I'm 5 to 7 lbs off my mark and it's crazy how much of a difference it makes

Last Friday I guess I forgot to type in my weight, but I know it was 137.4 lbs. 

One thing we talked about at group counseling the other night was about "Maintenance."  When I got to that circle on the chart I wrote in my notes the first things that came to mind. 

They were:

1. How do I find sustainability?
2. How do I keep it "fresh," say, like a marriage needs to be kept fresh to stay alive?

Then, the picture of math came into my head, which is rare so that means I should listen.  I saw an angle with degree points and straight lines at each degree.  As the lines, all one degree apart, traveled out of the center of the angle you could definitely see space between the lines.

Translation:  As far as "Maintenance" goes, sometimes I have to tweak my behavior just one degree to make a lasting change.  Stop looking at the Big Picture and just make one small change, each day, one day or step at a time because it does make a difference in the long run.

And one of those steps is I'm going to start weighing in again every morning (have only been doing Fridays) and am keeping a food journal.  These two small steps seem to help me focus a little.

Also, I'm starting my marathon walking schedule next week so if I can't cut those pounds off walking 450+ training miles in 5 months, then I guess they're meant to stay.  (But they're not...)