I'm So Weak that I am STRONG!

Wow!  Has it been over a month since I've been here?

Funny how during that time I've had great days and days where I still wrestle and battle with food, health, loving myself, choices.  And all the while I've tried to do so much on my own strength.  And for what?  So I could say, "Look at me!  I have amazing self-discipline!  I am a ROCK!  I am so strong!"

The truth is, every. single. time. I try to do ANYTHING on my own strength, I fail.  And epically, I must say.

When will I learn? 

Perfection is the Enemy.

Grace is the Gift.

When will I learn that doing life in my own strength then becomes a life about me?

And the only time "A Life All About Me" is acceptable is when a person hasn't received God's gracious love and forgiveness through what Christ did for us on the cross.

Yes, I said it.  Selfishness is expected from anyone who does not follow Christ.

However, selflessness or dying to self, is counter cultural, exactly what is meant to come with a life surrendered and laid down to God's bigger picture.  So, selfishness as a Christ-follower is unacceptable.

I'm grateful that each time I fall short and have lost sight, God is gracious.  And, He receives my heart again and again and again.

^{2 Corinthians 12:7-10} Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

When God made us in His image, we were perfect.

Since the Fall of man, we lost that luxury.  However, Satan's lies and relentless pursuit of us here on earth has been to deceive us that our goal is to be perfect in all things, or in anything.

Like Paul says above to the Corinthians, "Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - (self) abuse, (colossal binge eating) accidents, (failure) opposition, bad breaks.  I just let Christ take over!  And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become!" (emphasis mine)

One Foot in Front of Another

You know, walking is something you learn.  It's not just something you do one day, like you just get up and go or something.

Now, some of you are saying I must be crazy because their child did just hop up and start toddling all around the house one day...

BUT, you forget.  I am a mid-life crisis mom to a 16 month old son who is showing me exactly what the process of walking looks like.

And it's not just a move where perfection is achieved off the bat.

It's been a blast watching Ryan develop.  To be honest, I'm humbled by it and honored to be able to take it all in.  On his 9 month birthday he started doing the military crawl.  At first it resembled a first week Private or Recruit in Basic Training.  As he continued to crawl each day I'd say he climbed the ranks and was worthy of Master Sergeant Ryan Crawler title by the time he was walking around furniture, holding onto it.  Then we started holding onto his fingers, teaching him how to walk. 

Around Christmas, New Years and my birthday recently, Master Sergeant Ryan Crawler took his first steps.  And by "first steps" I mean, he stood up, unassisted, letting go of the furniture.  As the days passed his strength grew and he would take one step and sit back down.  But, he certainly wasn't worthy, and isn't even today, of the title Master Sergeant Ryan Walker. 

He's still a Private.  Actually, to be honest, the kid's a Seaman Recruit.  He's not puking or dizzy like a new boy on his first submarine, but he does resemble a drunk guy on his first free weekend.

Each day, though, he's training and getting better at walking.  He's growing stronger.  He's gaining confidence.

He falls.

He stumbles.

He has had a few wipe outs.

But he still gets up and tries, each day, about 77 different times each day.  He tries.  And as he does, I watch him, cheer him on, coax him with my open arms, his favorite books, lots of slobbery kisses and his sippy cup.

He smiles HUGE and starts toward me, one foot in front of (or kind of side to side) the other.

The point is:  I'm doing the same thing here.  I'm learning how to do this healthful living one choice at a time.

Not even one day at a time, but one choice at a time.

One foot in front of the other.  As Ryan develops, I'm learning about life, just watching him.

Today I'd say I rank in the lower realm of the Sergeant sector. 

Maybe by November 4th I'll be the Commander in Chief of my own health and body?!  And even then, we all know, I won't be perfect ;)


(I'm juicing veggies, eating tons of salads with leans meat and veggies, and praying and filling my soul with Words that bring real life and nourishment.  However, I'm still recovering from the holidays and my birthday where I indulged.  Chocolate, honey/rosemary/chipotle pecans and red wine are some of my down falls lately.  I'm learning moderation.  Hey, at least I'm not eating Mexican chips for breakfast, lunch and dinner anymore!  And that's one step in the right direction!)

 Ryan recently discovered this drawer, which no longer houses my baking stones.  He's also enjoying magnetic A,B,C's on the side of the fridge as he takes breaks from walking the halls of our house all day.  Those were Em's navy boots when she was a babe.  What?  No.  I don't bother wiping his mini fingerprints off my stainless.  I'd be doing it non-stop.

*I'm still trying to figure out how to post a video...anyone know how?  I'm technically not a genius ;)  Or rather, I'm not a technical genius...you decide.  j/k