Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Day 1, number 8 billion and 36...

...or something like that.

In my new food/weight loss journal, I am on page 11.

Of the 11 page entries, 3 of those pages are titled, "Day 1."

Today is the third of those days...

I'm not sure why I have the need to start over each time I make a mistake and don't stick with an eating plan. (I just changed the "don't" in the previous sentence from "can't" which I had initially typed...because, let's be honest, I can stick to an eating plan and so can you. We are able. It's that I don't make the choice to, at times.) As I was just out on the hammock enjoying 5 minutes of quiet on this beautiful summer day, I think I actually figured out WHY I keep drafting "Day 1's."

It's my own self-driven desire for perfection. Why do I think I need to be perfect? No one is perfect. I'm not even sure anyone is expecting perfection from me. There is no such thing as perfect, anyway. Even models are airbrushed!

Maybe it's my innate desire to be as I was intended to be, like God created us to be way back when?

Nope. That's not it.

I'm not going to pretend it's that spiritual. Not in a good spiritual way, anyway. Actually, as I just grabbed a slice of my apple, (that's ironic...) and was about to type out a different thought, this one came to mind, "The pursuit of perfectionism is the original sin. Like original, when Satan wanted to be just like God. Perfectionism makes you your own worst enemy."




So then do I give up my pursuit? I mean, losing 10 lbs is not so I can look like God, it's so I don't have bat wings or a roll when I sit down.

No. I don't think I need to give up the pursuit of losing 10 lbs and being healthy. I just need to change my mind, my thinking, my perspective and come to the realization that even when I do lose 10 lbs, I won't. Be. Perfect.

So, on a practical note, I also think I've had lots of "Day 1's" because many of the eating plans I've followed are 3 or 4 phases of 2 to 3 weeks a piece, and they build on the success and adherence of the previous phase. But, I think my head has become too legalistic, so, starting today, on this "Day 1" of the next 8 weeks, I will write the rest of the days in my journal in sequential order.

And, if I have a day that is less than satisfactory, I will journal it. I will simply just write it down.

I know. It seems like this should be obvious, nothing near rocket science, but for me, it's like a brand new discovery. I'm only on "Day 1" yet this revelation to write out the good, the bad and the ugly, but without making a new "Day 1" each time I mess up is kind of exciting! You see, I'm a really good starter, but the follow through is touch and go sometimes, especially if something seems to be dragging on or has lost my interest. And, I imagine with my unhealthy drive for perfection, writing down something that "outs" my failures isn't something I want to see in writing. But I think it will be good for me. Part of the journey...

You know the weird part? This is all relative. I mean, for me losing 10 lbs will help me feel healthy and strong. It's not like I'm going to go send in pictures of myself to some agency, because, one, I would have to lose 30 for them, two, I don't want to be a model, and three, it's not for the recognition of anyone else.

Nope. Those 10 lbs are for me. And I know I can do this.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Triple C's

Last week was a roller coaster. I was doing splendidly, eating all the right foods (lots of green stuff and colored veggies, good proteins), felt fantastic, physically and mentally, and then WHAM-O! I was hit like a ton of bricks with strep throat. At first I thought it was just sinus stuff because that can affect your throat, but then I got a text from my friend whose little girl had spent the night over the weekend reporting that she had it.

After two days of tolerating the pain, I woke up as the main act in the sword swallowing act at the circus. I will be on antibiotics for two weeks! Arghhhhhh!

The crazy thing, which isn't crazy b/c I know what drugs can do, but I had lost 4.5 lbs in 3 days last week by eating so healthily and taking out all my allergens. And then WHAM-O! As soon as I started taking the antibiotics and sucking on sugary throat drops, the scale said I had gained 5 lbs. Seriously?! But yeah, even though antibiotics kill bad bugs, they also kill the good ones that we need in our bodies, so, it's obvious that I'd retain lots of excess fluids in my cells while I'm on the drugs.

Anyway, yesterday I needed chocolate chip cookies. I was even so desperate that I entertained the thought of making them with gluten-y wheat flour, knowing I'd stink for a few days. Actually, I wanted them so badly that I even thought of asking Jason to bring one home from the grocery store bakery...and let me tell ya, that's gotta be desperate because, really, how good can those waxy things actually be?!

Yeah, I thought about them.

I tried to ward off the evil thoughts.

I thought about them again and again and assured myself just a few chocolate chips would suffice...they didn't...not even a couple dozen chocolate chips sufficed...

I finally decided I just needed to go ahead and whip up a batch, eat some, and be done with the pestering thoughts, already.

So, that's what I did.

And I made them super big. They were so stinking delicious! I ate 5, as well as dough while I scooped them up. I'd show you pictures, you know, all fancy blog style, like, "Here's me cracking an egg if you've never cracked a stinking egg ever in your life", "This is my batter in my fancy mixer" and "This is me scooping dough onto parchment paper like a real chef." But, I ate them up too fast, then gave them to Em and Jason, then bagged them and shipped them off to work with Jason so I didn't have to look at them that's why I don't have visual aids.

And guess what?! It worked.

Making the cookies, eating some up, enjoying them, but not wanting to eat another and then getting them out of my house totally worked.

I don't need cookies anymore. Today I enjoyed my eggs and spinach and didn't want cookies. I'll eat them again one day, but now I know how I need to do it.

I need to make them as a batch for other people or events where many people are involved, not only the people who live in my house, then give some to Jason and Em, you know, the hot fresh ones, then ship the rest off for the enjoyment of others, as well.

How do you get the cravings out of your house?