Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Permissible Sin

Oh man, I know I'm going to offend some people with this, though that's not my heart, intention, or motivation for writing out my thoughts here tonight.  I'm not saying I know it all or that since I'm in the midst of this I'm the queen of all wisdom.  Just sharing some thoughts...

It's just that I've been in circles where it's not talked about and truly, from experience, more promoted than anything. 

It's sad, too, because there could be a balance.  There could be so much healing and freedom.  Yet it's that elephant in the room no one speaks of, that booger in a person's nose you don't know if you should point out, the risk of sounding judgmental instead of genuinely caring.


I'm calling it out because God called me out on it years ago.  He told me I was a glutton, gave me a dream about it, and smack-dab I opened the Bible flippantly one day to what I thought was just a scripture reference in my head, and ta-da, there it was, God's perspective on gluttony.

I've heard preachers talk about adultery and fornication.  Some have focused on it more than others.  Interestingly enough, they were struggling with those sins secretly, but now not so secretly...

I've heard preachers talk about money, tithing, giving, prosperity.  Some have focused on it more than others.  Again, strangest thing but they were struggling with the love of money, and to the naked eye, really not that secretly, ie gold plated jet, $2000 suits, mansions.

I've only heard one, count 'em, one preacher talk about gluttony.  I know him personally.  He is open with his love of food and how it can drive him to egg and cheese topped burgers with a side o'fries chased by a large chocolate shake at times.  He's the first preacher I've ever heard or known who has kept it real, been honest and truthful about his struggle and his pursuit of God in spite of himself.

I wish there were more preachers like him.  I wish I was more like him.  (Not the egg on the burger part...barf in my mouth a little...)

Maybe it's easier as a guy to admit your faults?  I'm not sure since I'm not a guy, but being me, and I'm a girl, it's hard to admit and air my wrongs, failures, shortcomings...sins.

I've basically grown up within a church setting, if you will.  I went to public schools but on Sundays and some Wednesdays since I was little I was involved in one way or another in church.  I saw A LOT of stuff go down over those many years, let me just say.  A LOT.  Nothing different than what you see go down on Desperate Housewives or Modern Family, or even Jerry Springer...because churches are not made up of perfect people, contrary to what we try to portray or what people outside of the church walls want to think that we think...

But one thing I haven't heard at any church pizza night, pancake feed, or ladies potluck, is that within the church walls, gluttony is not permissible.  I haven't heard it, but I also haven't heard otherwise.

No Smoking.
No Drinking.
No Drugs.
No Gambling.
No Dancing (a little Footloose, here...)
No Sex Outside Marriage.
No Skirts Above the Knee.
No you fill in the blank.

I've never heard a rant or even a peep saying, "No Seconds or Thirds."

Obviously everyone doesn't have a problem with the love of food.  Everyone isn't addicted to porn, either, but we hear that message a lot.  My point is that I think within the church, gluttony has become the permissible sin, because it's not as bad as sleeping with someone else's wife, toking the Mary Jane, or having that fourth glass of wine.  That's what we'd like to tell ourselves, but in Scripture, Jesus doesn't compare sin.  Sin is just sin.  It is what it is.

It's just food so eating too much of it or thinking about it all the time can't be that bad for us, right?

I'm sorry.  I just don't buy it.

My body was made by the Holiest of Holies.  God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth.  He told me my body is a temple and that I am to worship Him with all of me. 

So, being the idealist, realist that I am, for me, part of this journey to freedom from food addiction, aka gluttony, is to confess my sin (He already knows, but wants us to admit it...), receive forgiveness and walk as a person who is healed, drawing on God's strength to view food as it should be:  a gift for strength, healing and sustenance, something that is good, from God, and mine to enjoy in health and moderation.

Isn't it interesting that the very first offense against God by man was eating something that wasn't good for them?  Profound...

Monday, November 21, 2011

T-t-t-t-t-trigger, of course!

(Isn't that a line in a song or something?!)  Oh yeah, it is, here's the link...hilarious!

ANYWAY, the last week has been pretty good food wise.  I have kept myself very, very, very, very, very, very busy, as I said I would.  I tell you, when busyness is productive and not just busyness for the sake of being busy, well, those big item tickets start getting marked off the "To Do" list and....drum roll....there's not a lot of time for snacking out of boredom.

Some of those big ticket items entailed painting a bathroom and the dining room, changing the chandelier in the said dining room, and hanging crown molding.  I was going to sew curtains but my mom told me to create a little margin in my life, so I took her advice and realized we don't need curtains before Thanksgiving.  Do we ever really need them?  No.  No one needs curtains, unless your shower is glass and faces your neighbor...we need food, water, shelter and some clothes, but that's another post.

So, I'm not going to lie.  I mean, just painting a bathroom doesn't sound stressful or like it could trigger stress eating, but I'm anal.  I hand cut in my edging because I like clean, straight lines.  That in and of itself isn't necessarily stressful, but wrapping my body around the toilet with my head in a precarious position, much like this, it can become stressful.  Painting the dining room wasn't stressful, though I had to stand like this most of the time trying to paint the cove ceiling so as a result my neck had a kink in it which earned me a neck rub, so, the stress didn't stick around too long.

Last week I ate Paleo style, eliminating high glycemic starchy foods, eating tons of salads and meat, raw veggies and pretty much an apple each day.  Besides the fact that my 15 month old cut 6 teeth and didn't sleep amazingly, I felt great, didn't have gas and wasn't hungry between meals.  I got this great book from the library called Everyday Paleo by Sarah Fragoso.  I'm thinking Paleo will be my first choice round of the 4 month eating plan when I start officially.  

ANYWAY, where the stress, or trigger, came in was when Jason started cutting and hanging the crown molding.  THAT is NOT a simple thing, I tell you!  It looks beautiful now, but baby there's some wood putty, let's just say...

The tipping point, or real trigger that drove me to pour a large glass of wine and consume a heavy dose of chocolate was the hanging of the chandelier.  Hoochie mama, was that super fun?!  #$%^&*  Our marriage is happily still in tact but standing on a chair holding a chandelier while your hubby stands on a bar stool twisting wires, your arms shaking because you did the extra long version of Jackie Warner's workout earlier, and the little stinking bolts that are supposed to secure the mighty piece to the ceiling keep falling to the floor...well, like I said, it was a large glass of wine.

For reals, my husband is an engineer and even he said the chandelier, at least how it is secured to the ceiling, was designed poorly.  I hadn't even added the weight of the glass candle covers, and to be honest, all I could imagine was the whole thing falling to the table during Thanksgiving causing senior citizens, and even junior senior citizens, to have heart failure.  Jason added two extra screws, secured in sheet rock anchors, and literally, the stress lifted.  No one will die at the dinner table!  WHEW!

Anyway, house projects can trigger me even though I enjoy doing them.  And, as I asked myself that question last week about being angry, I learned a few more of my triggers.  Now I just have to figure out what I should do when I'm around a trigger or something or someone triggers me. 

I think awareness is half the battle.  Do you have triggers?

Thursday, November 17, 2011


(This post I drafted last November 17th...I realize I never posted it and in light of the post I just wrote, thought I should post it so you could see what I'm talking about, in addition to the "Diet Reviews")

Not sure what all occurred in my heart, mind, and body over the 24-hour time frame from some time on Sunday to when I woke up on Monday morning, but I feel like asking myself that question from the previous post helped me get my head on straight...or at least looking in the right direction.

It's just the beginning, but I am hopeful about my future, and, if this doesn't sound so very weird, I'm really excited for counseling :)  Who says that?! 

Anyway, I'd like to take you back about a year so some of this makes a little more sense...the beginning of last October, 2010, one of the girls on my street invited a few other neighbors to join in a "Biggest Loser" contest.  How does one respond to such an invitation?  How are you supposed to feel if you are invited by someone who hardly knows you to lose weight?  Anyway, my son was born August 28th and because of emotional reasons from losing one son, I was done nursing at this time so it was okay to start losing the baby weight.

There really were no rules as to how we went about the 6-week weight loss, just that everyone pitched in either $10 or $15 bucks, I can't remember, and that results would be judged on percent weight lost instead of just pounds.  We all wrote our checks, hopped on the scale for our first weigh in and were on our way.

Well, I had some very close friends who experienced amazing results with hCG.  I didn't know what that was, but I knew if two Naturopathic doctors whom I respect were willing to endorse and sell it, I felt comfortable trying it out.  (I did a short review of it on my "Diet Reviews" page, near the bottom.)

Anyway, the promises hCG makes are true.  You lose anywhere between a 1/2 lb to a pound or two a day.  It was a no brainer, at least for the contest, so I did the research, put my mind to it and did the hard work as far as following the program.  I lost 15 lbs and won the $160 dollar pot.

I absolutely loved the structure of it!  You cannot cheat on hCG.  You have to follow it to a T, so once I got that in my head, it was easy to do.  And, I had plenty of energy, wasn't tired, had clear skin, no aches or pains and I was seeing daily results, so that is motivation in itself.

After I completed my first round of homeopathic hCG drops, I took a few weeks off between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then started another round of hCG because I had a Mexican beach vacation on the horizon.  The second round of the diet I focused on as more of a cleanse/detox so that when I did introduce starchier foods or potential allergens later in the protocol, I would know which ones were culprits.  I also did allergy testing during this time so knew which foods to avoid when I was done.  I completed this round the day before I headed to Mexico with Jason.  I was down 15 more pounds and felt good.  I ate chips and guacamole and drank margaritas on the beach all week.  I gained 5 pounds, all worth it :)

When we returned from Mexico I was up a few pounds but not freaked out about it.  Jason and I started doing P90X in the mornings so I had a routine to help me stay focused.  I leveled out around 145 lbs but even after P90X I could still grab some meat on my thighs, gut and I still had batwings.

In August of this year I decided to do one final round of hCG to tackle those "last 10 lbs" I've always known I could lose.  The minimum amount of days for a round of hCG is 23.  After that you are on what is called "maintenance" for 3 or 4 weeks which only introduces fats, but no starches.  Then you slowly intro carbs.  Anyway, I lost 15 lbs easily and when I came off it, I didn't eat my allergens and felt great!

One thing I loved about hCG is the results.  I feel so healthy and strong, I'm able to play on the floor with my baby and chase my daughter around the yard.

One thing I've hated about it is it opened the door to my closet where I've hid my skeletons all these years.  It has made me face my food addiction and start this journey of making peace with myself.

Even though I hate that part, I'm thankful I did hCG because it's caused me to realize that the last 30 years haven't been about a number on a scale, but about my heart and aspirations, and never really feeling like I was free to dream out loud...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I Ask Myself?

So, as a result of yesterday's post I received some encouraging emails, texts, calls, prayers offered up for my crazy self.  Thank you!  Seriously!  Thank you all so much for your encouragement!  I promise I wasn't fishing, but I will say your love and support has lifted me!  (I linked yesterday's post to Facebook...here's what I said along with it: 
"To be real honest with you, I don't like sharing this particular blog with friends...it's easier to share it with strangers who don't know me from Adam, don't care about me, and won't ever hold me accountable. So, please forward this to "other people" and let's just keep pretending I have my act together..."
One friend emailed me the questions, "YIKES!  This has nothing to do with 10 lbs on the scale.  You are absolutely being tyrannical and why?"; "You would never approach your Emily with this kind of perfectionist rant.  But it's okay to treat yourself this way.  Why?"; and finally, "I think I would want you to ask yourself - for the next 24 hours - to prayerfully seek out what you are so angry about. I had a counsellor spring this on me once and I was in shock and considerable denial. What? Me angry? No way!"

So, I asked myself...

Am I angry about something?  I don't think I'm angry, but am I, indeed angry?

WHOA!  I tell you what, all you have to do is pick up the phone and call the counseling office...you don't even have to make an appointment, just the act of it can set digging up the past and healing for the future in motion!   And, of course, asking yourself if you are angry about something...but DO actually make the appointment since the can of worms is open and not meant to be tackled alone.  (Unfortunately for you, I don't feel like it's appropriate to go into all my anger issues here either ever, or, at least until I speak to a counselor who can help me maybe put it into words that can encourage you on your own journey.)

My friend is partly right.  It isn't about 10 lbs up or down on the scale.  And, it is.  I feel like I've lived the last 20ish years of my life wishing I could just lose those last "10 lbs."  And I DID lose those last 10 lbs, just a few months ago, and about 10 lbs ago

And inside, and outside, I was happy!


But it had been a goal for so long that when I reached it, I really didn't know what to do with it.  It sounds so strange, I realize, but it's almost like I didn't know how to be the 10 lb lighter me.  (THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN AN IDEAL TIME TO HAVE BEEN IN COUNSELING...NOTE TO SELF...) 

I did it for me and only for me, so I wasn't ready or even thinking about what others would say.  I mean, when we watch "The Biggest Loser" we cheer them on, even shed tears we are so happy for them, but when I finally break through a physical stronghold that has symbolically been a spiritual and mental battlefield, there was no party held or overall congratulatory sentiment.  Instead, with wrinkled brow one person said I was too skinny.  Someone else said they weren't used to me being thin.  "You're not eating enough," spoken to me as I was eating an extra large salad with meat, veggies, oil and nuts on top...

Don't get me wrong, there were plenty that celebrated with me.  They told me "Great Job!" and "Tell me what you did?!"  I was encouraged and shared my story, encouraged them they could do it too, that I hadn't felt healthier inside or out in years, that I was so glad I finally felt clean and healthy.  It helped my heart to know I could encourage someone else on a similar journey.

So then why were those few negative comments so detrimental to my mindset?  Why did I listen to their words, digest them, and instead of allowing them to leave my body as waste, keep those negative sentiments (disguised as concern) stored up in me?  (*Did you know that fat cells store toxins?  Do you see the symbolism here?)

Anyway, the big bold letters up top tell a lot of the story...

I'm glad my friend posed the questions that she did.  It gives me some homework to do over the next few weeks as I prepare for counseling.  Poor counselor better hold on tight and bring a napkin because I think I may just puke all over her...symbolically, of course!

Monday, November 14, 2011


As I stepped out of the shower yesterday morning, I wished Jason hadn't been there, brushing his teeth.  I felt frumpy.  Squishy.  Not svelte.  The last few days I have felt like I am spinning out of control, like some toy top with no destination.  My head has been jacked up.  Jacked.  In High School when we all had to shower and change in an open setting for PE, I was the girl strategically holding my towel with my teeth, backside up against the open locker, maneuvering my clothes so no one would see my parts.  I'm NOT that way with my husband, but I will say that when I feel fat or ugly, I wish for his own good he didn't have to see me.

Perspective.  It's all about perspective, though.  What my eye sees and what my husband sees are apparently two different things.  I wish I could see what he sees 100% of the time instead of seeing through the foggy battleground that is my mind!

Me:  Sweetheart, let's just talk about the elephant in the room...no pun intended, ironically...

He stared at me blankly.

Me:  Sweetheart, obviously I've gained 10 lbs in the last month...I feel out of control with food and I just need to figure out how to get my head on straight!  I'm sorry I'm such a freak!

Him:  Adrienne, I think you are gorgeous!  I just wish you would go to counseling like you said you wanted to for a while, and get some help.  I know your mom or my sister would be glad to watch Ry while you go to an appointment, or you could go on a Friday when I work from home.  I just want you to be okay...

Me:  You are right.  I'll call tomorrow.

I have gone to counseling off and on in the past for grief.  Several months back I called to make an appointment to talk about body image but they didn't have an opening for a month and feeling as desperate as I did at the time, a month was too far out, so I just never made an appointment.  I must have gotten my act together for a time because life just went on.

Well, this past weekend was a horrible, no good, very bad weekend in my food arena.  Not only did I eat out of boredom and stress (it's not that I am ever bored...it's that my plate gets so full I'm not able to get a clear picture of priority vs. busyness and I want to accomplish SOMETHING so then I just multi-task piddly things that don't leave me feeling like I did anything right!) but I unknowingly ate a hearty helping of really yummy turkey meatballs that were likely made with egg and gluten, two of my allergens.  I'm NOT exaggerating when I tell you that my stomach was so distended yesterday and last night I looked 7 months pregnant...and I'm not kidding!  That's just how I looked...how I felt was like a pregnant lady in her first trimester but with 2nd and 3rd trimester cravings!  Confession:  I tried a new gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, soy-free chocolate chip cookie recipe and ate a dozen.  I sent the rest to Em's class.   

This morning at 8:30 I called the counseling office.  December 8th is the first opening.  Tears rimmed my eyes because it seems so far out there!  I secured the time slot and breathed calmly not letting the receptionist hear the choke in my throat that was tightening from the tears that were now flowing.  I even smiled as I finished up the call so as to mask my now shaky voice.

It took a lot for me to make that call.  The funny thing is, just the act of making the call helped the spinning in my head at least slow down a bit.   

I know I have problems.  That's why I have this stupid blog.  Why I feel out of control lately, I'm not sure?!  One thing I do know is until December 8th at 11:00 I'm going to keep myself very, very, very, very, very, very busy.  When I am busy I don't graze nor do I have time to think about food.  There is a scripture in Titus that talks about the young wives being busy at home.  God put it on my heart the other day.  I've translated my mile-long task and to-do list to actually being busy when in reality, I've been doing the fight or flight approach.  All the things that are left undone in my home are so overwhelming and seem daunting that I blow them off and survive in the day to day, accomplishing things that are daily tasks, therefore never checking off the big ticket items...

No point to this post and no eloquent way to end it.  I'm spinning.  I'd like to stop spinning and just be.  I want to be free to finally be me.

More thoughts tomorrow...

Friday, November 11, 2011

Documentation: Ladies Only!

It's Friday which means I updated my weekly weigh-in.  I'm up 3 pounds from last week, but I also want to be scientific and document my circumstances, so I have to take into account that I started my period this morning so have been eating large volumes for the last 3 days!  I'm thinking that's likely why I am up a little. (Ya think?!)  I want to learn how to listen to my body and not be ruled or driven by a number on a scale, so, on the weigh-in page next to my entry it says, "menses" for my own record.

Over the last several years I have experimented with eating and avoiding certain foods around my period or during the two weeks prior to its arrival.  First of all, let me say my brother-in-law is a Naturopathic doctor and Acupuncturist.  He studied at Bastyr University and knows a lot about women's health.  It was from him that I first learned this information...putting it into practice, though, was another story!

I'm not sure about you, but way back when in Junior and Senior High, and in college, there were days I'd skip class or school altogether because I had such horrible cramps and bloating surrounding that time of month.  Now, when you are in Junior High and this happens, there's an element of "cool" because, well, you have your period.  But let's be honest, as a grown up, there's nothing cool about wasting a day away, or even two, laying on the couch because you are in so much pain.  It just plain old sucks and isn't practical as a parent, in my case!

So, I decided to experiment and put Dr. Graves' wisdom into practice.  How "wise" could it possibly be to avoid chocolate EH-VER, let alone prior to when I wanted it most?!  I guess we would see...
For the two weeks leading up to my period, this would be from the time you ovulate, I took out all caffeine.  This helped a little with breast lumpiness and tenderness, but it didn't eliminate my bloating, pain or cramps.  I was still eating whatever I wanted, thinking coffee and chocolate (the only 2 things I really wanted) were the only culprits.  They weren't.

The next month for those two weeks leading up to my period I eliminated caffeine and refined and processed foods like: sugar, flour, crackers, cookies, muffins, etc. and really focused on eating whole foods, including meat, veggies, and fruit.  (*Don't ask, "Is there anything I can eat, then?!"  Yes, there is!  I ate salads with grilled chicken, steak, sweet potatoes and asparagus, huge spinach salads with salmon, grapes, pecans, balsamic dressing, stir-fry with tons of veggies and meat minus the rice, etc.  You can eat a ton!)  Anyway, at this point I was still eating yogurt and eggs, not knowing I had sensitivities to them at the time (I just figured I was "farty" for life...yes, I just wrote "farty"...).  Regardless of the sensitivities, I was blown away by the results!  My period, which historically for me was always heavy and lasted one full week, was a piece of cake!  At least according to my standards!  Three days and no cramps!  Cha-ching!

When I finally found out my allergies and sensitivities and combined that knowledge with eliminating bloating/inflammatory foods the two weeks prior to my period, I hardly even knew I had a period, it was just that non-monumental!  (Would that be nonumental?)  And I wasn't farty, to boot!

So do I eat this way all the time, given I KNOW it works and my body loves me when I treat it nicely?  Nope.  Like I said yesterday, in the last month I've recently had some tough food weeks (damn Halloween).  And by "tough" I mean I've knowingly hosted my own carb-fests, knowing it'd pack on a pound or two or more the next day, but also knowing how to lose it rather easily by cutting them out...unfortunately, it's gradually stayed on going from 132ish to 138ish..

What the heck is my point?!  Not totally sure here but I will say this, if you are of the opinion that food and disease or autoimmunity or fatigue and cramps, aches and pains are not related, if you have not actually experimented by eliminating culprits out of your life (and replaced them with whole foods) and spent time documenting the results and how you feel, then your opinion isn't scientifically-based but rather craving-based...and that just doesn't hold weight in this discussion.  This is why America is so hooked on medication!  We don't want to do the work to eliminate the culprits...we want drugs to cover up the symptoms!

Don't get me started...that's another post, altogether!

In the meantime, have a great weekend!  See you Monday!

Ade xoxox

p.s.  I'm having some problems with the "Labels" so will hopefully be able to add them later for your navigating convenience :)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Time vs. Goals

So, I had a thought this morning...it occurred to me that even though I've had a goal or number in mind to reach over the years, I have functioned more within time frames, or dates of completion.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to explain my thought process, but let me try...

For sake of example, officially P90X is a 90 day program.  What you end the program with after 90 days is the result of the workout and discipline, but what if it's not your goal weight?  Of course, if you stuck with it, you'll be happy with the results regardless if you reached your goal because it's a great program, and if you didn't, you'd sign up for another round until you did.

For me, I think no, I know, I've been looking at certain dates or frames of time in order to accomplish my goal so when that date or event rolls around and I didn't lose those specific pounds or whatever, I get discouraged...and then I usually temporarily give up and self-sabotage.

Is this even making sense?

This is all the more reason why I need to get a lifestyle plan that works for me! 

Also, the way my mind works, I need to set small, attainable goals that are not time-sensitive or time-restrictive, and work towards those.  It's really semantics.  It might take 3 weeks to lose 10 lbs, for example.  And, it's possible that you could lose 10 lbs in 3 weeks.  Same thing, but maybe thinking about it differently?  Glass half-full/half-empty type of thing?  However, if your goal is to lose 10 lbs and it takes 4 weeks or 7 weeks, your goal is still the same, it's not a race against time, it's a journey towards a final outcome or result.

Man, this is freeing for my head to write this out! 

Maybe you've known this all along, but for me, it's been more about a race against the clock...not my biological clock but clocks like: beach vacation coming up in 4 wks, summer break/have to take kids to pool in 6 wks, shorts season approaching in 3 wks.  Does anyone know what the freak I am talking about, here?!

Speaking of biological clocks, I turn 40 in two months.  I'm really excited about it!  I think it's kind of cool, like coming of age, finally being a grown-up :)  Anyway, I was telling myself in my head that I wanted to be steady at 132 lbs by January 8th, mine and Elvis' birthday.

BUT INSTEAD!!!!  I am setting a goal of 132 lbs.  Today I am not there but I was just a month ago.  I had a couple of rough weeks with food between then and now.  But, all my new jeans fit nicely at 132 (and I can't afford to go buy the next size up and I got rid of all my old ones...so...) and I'm not totally flat chested like I was when I was down at 128 or even 130...I like a little bosom on me :) so 132 works for me.  Anyway, when January 8th rolls around, I will weigh myself that day because it's part of my morning routine, but if I haven't reached my goal by then it won't throw me off, because my goal is not on a time frame, it doesn't have a deadline, but it's still motivating nonetheless.

You may be thoroughly confused, but I'm glad I figured this out!  Another step towards freedom!

(FYI, I posted a fall breakfast recipe under the recipe tab...check it!)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Made for Greatness!

One reason I am so passionate about conquering this addiction is the time and energy that is spent on any one given day. 

I have wasted so many years of my life wishing I was skinnier or had thighs like her or a flat belly!  It's frustrating and I'm not going to let it run my thoughts anymore!

I know that when God designed me, and when He designed you, He had greatness in mind.   
And, He designed us in a way, like Himself, in His image, to live and love BIG!  

He intended for our hearts to be consumed with love, our minds to enjoy peaceful thoughts and our bodies to move and function in total health.  And, this not only for ourselves but so that we could encourage others.  Imbalance and stress or overemphasis in one area or another causes us to get out of whack.  Random examples:  instead of love we hold onto offense, allowing bitterness and resentment to build up in our hearts...then our minds follow suit and it's all we can think about, how so and so hurt us and we'll never let them forget it...and then, that offense hardens our hearts and literally builds up in our bodies manifesting itself in so many different ways, ie. over-eating or eating junk, addiction, not taking care of ourselves, even obsessing about weight loss/management or exercise, etc...all things that can lead to disease...all things that are self, self, selfish.

No.  Nope.  Nosiree.  When God made me I know He made me for greater things than food addiction and self-loathing!  It's so interesting, really...you see, I believe we are tempted or slyly lured away by the Devil by things that are the opposite of what we were made for or how we are meant to impact our world.  Example:  My name is Adrienne.  It means "Rich, Bold and Confident" however, looking back at different seasons in my life, I have struggled with insecurity, poverty of heart, and never feeling like I am good or pretty enough.

If you ask any one of my closest friends what my passion in life is they would answer, "Adrienne LOVES women and wants to see them know just how in love God is with them!"  If you don't believe me, call this number:  867-5309.  Just kidding.  Not so sure my friends want their cell numbers posted in the blogosphere.  Anyway.

But seriously. 

I believe that if I keep on allowing myself to be side-tracked with food addiction and its effects, I will be side-tracked from doing what I was meant to do and what I love to do most:  ENCOURAGE WOMEN!

Now, I love the guys, too, don't get me wrong, but High School is the earliest memory of really wanting to encourage and inspire women to be who God made them to be.  So, I go with it.  I know there's someone else out there wired with the same passion to encourage and challenge men towards greatness, so I'm not worried about them missing out :)

So, there you have it...the driving force behind my desire to be healed and free!  I've pissed enough of this life away on this topic!  It's like I'm Eve, stuck at that damn tree with the frigging apple dangling in her face! 

Move away from the tree, Adrienne...and move on to bigger and better things!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Searching for the Right Fit

There is a method to my madness.  I'm sure in your heart and mind you have a method, too.  It makes sense to you, but to onlookers, well, they just may not get it.

If you looked at my "Diet Reviews" you may have come away overwhelmed with all the ways of eating I have tried.

I feel for you.

How do you think I feel?

In trying out different "diets" over the years or ways of eating, if you will, I know that at the beginning I was looking for the quick fix for fat and weight loss, even if that meant compromise.

Now I am looking for what makes my machine run optimally.  I want to know, and practice, the way of eating and stewardship that helps me spring out of bed in the morning to meet the day, utilize the nutrients in food for energy and health, and eliminate and halt the autoimmune responses that are already occurring in my young body.  I'll talk about these in another post...

I have figured out some of my allergies, but I know that sometimes I eat something that seems like it should be a "safe" food and I bloat up or almost kill my family with noxious gas.  (Why lie?  This is an "honest" blog site...right?!) *This almost ALWAYS occurs for me when too many sugars/starches/grains/dairy have been consumed, fyi.

The point is, I need to listen to my body, love it, take care of it and give it nourishing, healthy, whole foods a majority of the time.

I take the time to feed my spirit and my soul through reading and prayer, but my body has been neglected and abused.

It's time in my journey to listen to my body and stop just watching numbers on a scale!

So, I am searching for the right fit...that is, the right fit for me.  And, I'm not talking about jeans or a number on the scale.  I am talking about a healthy way of eating, every day, not just a week here or a week there, but a lifestyle, that will have me feeling my best to face each day.

Every book I've read on diet and health allows for a "cheat day" or a "day off" where anything goes, or two cheat meals in a week.  So, with that understanding, I know I can make healthy changes and once in a while still have beloved chocolate or a plate of yummy gluten free pancakes.

As a result, I have done some research over the last several months.  There are three ways of eating, three different approaches according to style, but all with similar theories, I am going to test on myself over the next several months to a year to find what works for me.  My idea is to give each "program" or lifestyle 4 months.

Feel free to join me if you'd like, or try your own thing and share.  However, the criteria is this:  the program must have whole foodsWhat are whole foods?  Whole foods are foods found closer to the original design of how God made them.  So, for instance:  an apple is a whole food, whereas an apple cinnamon sugar cereal with Red Lake#40 is not.  Therefore, if you try a system that is based upon processed boxed foods, powders and artificial sweeteners, and still lose weight, that's fine to share your celebration with those of us reading here, but as far as health goes, I won't ever recommend or encourage another person to go down that road, as well.  God didn't make Red Lake#40...He made red apples, red tomatoes, red peppers, red onions, red beets, red strawberries, red cherries...you get the idea :)

So, here are the plans:

I haven't decided in which order to begin, because they all seem pretty solid, but if you have one in particular you'd like me to try out first, by all means, let me know and put it in the comments.

If you have a friend that you know is struggling with similar issues, just wants to learn about a new way of eating and health, wants a fresh blog to read, or just wants to gawk at a lady on her search for freedom from addiction, feel free to share this journey with them as I share my own.

Maybe I'll even give away a copy of the book I'm following to a blog reader, just to make it fun for everybody :)  Details to come...

Friday, November 4, 2011

Just a head's up...

Hey, I just wanted you to know that I don't necessarily endorse or support all those ads on my blog.  I am cleaning that up as soon as possible with the help of my techy hubby, so don't judge me :)

Friday Weigh-In

So, if anyone knows how to change my "Weekly Weigh-In" page format so it can be in blog entry form, please shoot me an email at adexoxox@gmail.com or comment here.  Thanks!

This morning I got on the scale after I emptied my bladder and it said 142.8.  I thought, "Okay, that's weird, but maybe that's what it is."  And I didn't even freak out or go into a tailspin.  My head was on straight, but because of the previous day's number, I wasn't totally convinced.  Then Jason hopped on and he said it was off by quite a bit.

We have a 14 month old who likes buttons.  He likes to push buttons.  He likes to push buttons on mommy's scale.  I'm sure as he gets older he'll learn how to push some of mommy's other buttons...

After my husband with 10+ years of education in engineering played around with it, it finally balanced.  Also, I knew it could not be right since yesterday my journal entry was 136.4 and yesterday was not my "day off" or "cheat day." 

Tim Ferriss, the 4-Hour Body Guy is how I'll refer to him here, says that a cheat day can pack on between 1 and 8 pounds, but it comes off within a day of eating healthy and clean again because it's mostly water weight hanging on in our fat cells.  So, I don't freak out about numbers all that much anymore.  But, like I said, yesterday was not my cheat day.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm putting this out there.  There you have it.

Have a great weekend!

Ade xoxox

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Cha, cha, cha, cha, changes!

So, I made some changes to this blog...this blog that I've neglected...on purpose...because I haven't wanted to face my demons...and because life's been busy and I haven't made it a priority. 

The problem is, I keep getting emails encouraging me to actually write on this blog.  I'm not one for crowd pleasing or peer pressure, but I do give into my gut.  (Ha, no pun intended since a lot of times I do give into my gut which is kind of what this blog is all about.) 

I mean, my gut has been telling me what I've known for a while...I thrive with consistency.  Writing here, journaling my thoughts and sharing this journey is one way for me to have consistency and structure or routine in my life.

So, as you can see up at the top of the blog, I've added some tabs, or pages.  Go check them out.  I'd love some feedback if these are helpful pages or not...and I suppose if I should add another one, what should it be?

The page I'm not super excited about but it will be a good motivator is titled "Weigh-In."  I know, it's ballsy...and at this point, I'm at a healthy weight and not even trying to lose fat but build muscle so it's not like I want the number to go down necessarily.  The page is more of an accountability check for me to maintain.  With the holidays coming up, it'll be interesting to see the numbers...anyway, I'll update it every Friday as long as I have access to a scale. 

It's also for you, if you'd like.  But, if you don't want to share, you don't have to....but, it'd be nice if you did :)

There you have it.  I need freedom.  Total freedom!  I am ready to live my life healed and this is part of the process.