Derailment

Have you ever driven slowly by the scene of an accident?  Well, I mean, hopefully you have because we're supposed to slow down for the safety of those helping.  But have you ever slowed down just to look?

Maybe you assess the situation, wonder how on earth that car got way over there or you hope and pray no one was in the back seat of the other car that now has no back seat.  You say a prayer for those involved, and drive on your way...a little slower, maybe a bit more cautious.

Or what about trains?  I heard years ago, what I believe is an urban legend, if you put a penny on a train track it will derail a locomotive.  This is highly doubtful, but I looked it up just to confirm.  Notsomuch.  Just flat pennies and money taken out of circulation is all.  However, the Federal Railroad Administration said that a cow, boulder, a car or other larger items could, indeed, derail a train.  But, regardless of how a train wrecks, the truth is, they are large machines with heavy duty power driving them....when one of those bad boys goes off track, it's not very pretty. 

It takes work to have it up and running again...

When my son was in the hospital the nurses once in a while would say, "We have a train wreck!"     There weren't actual train wrecks happening, but it meant bad news and a busy night ahead for all those working.

Hollywood has tried to create train wreck scenes over the years and if you search you will find some pretty bad ones from way back when where clearly someone borrowed their child's "under the Christmas tree" train set to set the stage.

Yes, or maybe no, I suppose accidents can "just happen."  But I'm not totally convinced.  After going through what we did with Noah, I'm not so sure there is such a thing as "chance."  But that's another post altogether.

No matter what, at least here in America, if there's a crash or accident of some sort, a derailment or train wreck, one thing we know is there will always be an investigation:

• How did it happen?  
• What time did it occur?  
• Who was involved?  
• What were the circumstances?  
• Was weather a factor?  
• Did alcohol play a role?  
• Who is at fault?   
• Can it be prevented in the future? 
• What can we learn from this situation?
• Basically, what happened?!?!

Anyway, I've been thinking for the last few days about things that "derail" me.  I went to group counseling on Tuesday and, of course, it was friggin' awesome.  But I've been asking myself questions, like those above, as it relates to food, health, and loving me.

I do really well in routine.  I like it.  I also like flow.  I enjoy freedom.  Notsomuch a fan of others trying to control me or my life, my opinions or my time. 

The last month and a half have been really inconsistent on my part and so, I decided to: 

Stop.  

Collaborate.  

Listen.  

Figure out where I lost my mojo, if you will.

What derails me and causes me to eat 6 chocolate chip cookies isn't what derails you.  I talked to a friend this morning.  Someone brought amazing tortilla chips to work to share.  That's thoughtful and all, but notsomuch for the one in the office who just. can't. stop.  And, chatting with a girl at the store earlier, just the thought of her ex-husband drives her to snarf down the whole package of sugar cookies.

We have different triggers.  For me, when I am sailing along in my routine and it's working nicely for me and then I physically leave my familiar surroundings for say, vacation or a road trip...DERAIL.  As great as vacations should be, sometimes I don't know how to make good choices in those unfamiliar and unstructured settings, ie: tons of tortilla chips and tequila in Mexico, for instance. 

As I've looked back over the last month+ I realize we've had the holidays, a trip to Mexico, I had a birthday and I started group counseling.  Those would be the big dogs...changes.  I've also had two kids who keep passing the sick baton back and forth.  And this morning I've cleaned up dog barf 7 times.  It's Superfun!

I've made good choices off and on.  And I've made poor, unhealthy choices off and on.  But, one of the best things I have done for my heart and mind is not throw it all out with the bathwater but realize it's a process.  This isn't all or nothing, like I failed and am not a healthy person because I had a fender bender or even derailed.  I know it's one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.  And I know when my body feels good when I've eaten healthily and when I feel like I got hit by a train if I've attended my own personal carb-fests.

But I'm more aware and I think that's part of the battle.  For me, my triggers include:

• lack of schedule
• clutter, either around my house or in my mind
• so much to do I'm not sure where to start, overwhelm
• neediness from others and not sure if I'm the one to fill the need
• hitting snooze and not getting up when my alarm goes off, slippery slope in losing schedule
• looking at too many food blogs for recipes, even if looking for good ones it can be food-porn

What are your triggers?  What things or people or places "derail" you?