Hey, that was kind of fun to remember basketball...I should go play. Any locals up for some hoops?
Anyway, this post isn't about basketball. Or anything athletic, either.
It's about a victory of sorts, in a weird and skewed way.
In the past when I have been "eating clean" or "fasting" or even on a diet (I don't do this anymore, but that word is common enough for comprehension), if I stumble or cheat or get de-railed, it usually lingers for days, if not weeks. It's not just a moment of, "Oh, I'll just eat these chips and salsa and get back on the train," rather it's, "You suck! You ate chips and salsa and can't do anything right...might as well eat 6 cookies while you are at it and whateverelseyoufeellikeeating..." And then I feel so crummy the next morning that I just eat crap for breakfast, lunch, and dinner the next day...and the next...and the next...until something gets me back on track. The days adding up continue to discourage my outlook and in-look, and it's more of a downward spiral instead of just an isolated event of eating the chips and salsa or whatever the culprit and then being done with it.
Messed up, huh?
So, anyway, on January 3rd I started fasting and detoxing and not only did my face show it, but I felt good and had a lot of energy. In December I had started a weight lifting program, like for actual muscle-building, so I knew I would need some lean protein sources and, personally, could not do just veggies. However, my mind works like a machine when things are CLEARLY mapped out and even written down.
This wasn't my case as I slowly added in fish here and there, but not in any consistent way, then chicken and when I didn't have that I would grab a handful of nuts (more about that here) and elk and bison and then soy yogurt and protein powder until things just weren't clearly mapped out anymore and it was a looser operation than when I had begun.
So, anyway, whatever.
Last Friday night Jason and I went out to start planning our 20th wedding anniversary trip and I ate salmon, grilled veggies, and 1/2 cup of black beans. I did not eat one single corn chip. I ate slowly and felt really proud of myself, to be honest. The next morning we finally took down Christmas. You are jealous because you took yours down the day after and have been freezing this month with nothing pretty to look at. It was 60 degrees outside and I didn't leave the house at all. Ryan's found his nostrils in the last two weeks and discovered how perfectly his fingers fit in each hole. Why couldn't nostril holes be more akin to ear canals where fingers DON'T fit? Anyway, he's been speaking whine as a form of communication recently, as well. His stint of poopying and peepeeing in the potty like a big boy was apparently just a 2 week phase that is now over, as well. And, I hadn't been out of the house for almost 5 days at that point...
...which leads me to packing in a lot of "good" things over the weekend, but maybe too much? I felt like I could just enjoy a glass of wine on Saturday with dinner, but my internal stress was building from being a hermit and only having toddler interaction, apparently, and I had a second...and then, I wasn't even craving it, but had 4 bites of some sort of chocolately, creamy, eggy, pie dessert...and then I went for a shot of Bailey's and a shot of Kahlua in full fat coconut milk.
It tasted good though my face wasn't a fan...
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| Not sure which day...like the swollen eye? Too much salt on those nuts??? Clearly. |
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| I'm getting bored looking at my mug. |
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| And welcome to Sunday morning...the crazy hair is a result of night sweats. I get them when I'm not a clean eater. Just another fancy symptom you thought was just "normal"? Not so...I only have night sweats when I eat poorly. |
This is where the "Fast Break" comes into play. I broke my fast, if you could have even called it that by then. Basically at that point I was only avoiding grains, dairy, eggs, and sugar. And, unlike the term used in basketball, the break wasn't super fast, if you will.
But, this is the victory part, kinda, sorta...
So I broke my "fast." On Saturday I ate culprits and foods that were not so great for me. But I was groggy the next morning and it did trigger some inflammatory responses in my body...notsogood. On Sunday, I didn't eat those anymore. And I didn't tell myself how much I sucked.
Getting back on the train, or in basketball lingo, grabbing the rebound, turning to find a teammate, and heading in the other direction to reach my own goal, that is a "Fast Break." I feel like even though I drank and ate out of stress on Saturday, breaking my fast, the fact that I utilized tools from Celebrate Recovery and "Made to Crave" and "Stop Eating Your Heart Out" has given me training and practice to know what to do when I'm at the opponent's basket, but now the ball is in my hands or "court."
Back in High School, on the court, if I had grabbed the rebound at the opponent's basket and just stood there, pissed at myself and my team that we were EVEN spending time under their basket AT ALL, moping, griping, chewing out my teammates and being mad at myself they had even had the opportunity to take a shot, let's just say my butt would have been on the bench the rest of the game AND the next day in practice our coach would have had us doing lunges cross court, 5 minute wall sits, and running suicides until we were barfing up our lunches.
Same with life. I actually like lunges now and do an occasional wall sit, but I'm not a fan of barfing and running suicides are for high school basketball players, not me. However, I'm grateful for this personal victory of sorts of running a "Fast Break" from my fast break, not allowing myself to get hung up on the temporary turn-over.
*How about you? What are some tools you use to break free from temporary set-backs?
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