Insane in the membrane!

I just did INSANITY.

Not quite sure why I did that...

I mean, I like to work out hard, but I was having flashbacks of high school basketball practice and our skinny Italian coach yelling at us girls to "Get on the line!" It paid off. His training did take us to State 3 years in a row, but seriously, I'm pushing 40, and my hip pops constantly. (Don't tell Tony Horton, but I think I'll stick to my P90X...it's a little more age appropriate for this old body :))

Anyway, my mom asked me a question the other day that made me smile. She said, "I guess I just don't understand why you had to hide in the closet to eat."

I am a black and white person, very literal, up is up, down is down. But, I never actually sat in my closet and ate. One time I sat in my closet and cried but that was because I thought it was a good idea to try to dye my hair the night before I was heading out of town for my friend's wedding...let's just say, my bangs were orange, kinda like Tang. I actually looked like an orangutan. Thankfully Jason offered to run to the store at midnight and I showed up in Houston as a "natural" brunette.

The title of this blog came to my heart as a result of looking back, trying to get to the core of when and where and how my relationship with myself and food went awry. I think you probably knew that, but in case you pictured me eating food in my closet, it's more of a mentality...and I've "outed" myself, if you will.

The very act of outing myself has helped somewhat.

Honestly, and this is of no surprise, what is helping the most is changing my thoughts...and this not by my own strength. In March I started hand-writing the Bible. I've read it a lot, but actually writing it down word for word has been a beautiful discipline for me, physically and mentally. I've been ridding myself of excess busyness in my life, even good busyness, and as a result, had told God I didn't want all the great thoughts of any old author or study but wanted to sit and learn from The Ultimate Author.

I highly recommend it. God's a really smart Guy. Don't let your heart get preoccupied with all the details of history, the lineages, the future, or even all the "why's?" you might have. Just God. Who He is. How He desires to be known. Plain and simple. Getting to know God the way He wants to be known instead of through the pictures that religion has tried to paint is a much more beautiful journey. Getting to know God is not a formula. It a relationship that takes time and effort, give and take, talking and listening.

But, if we're doing all the talking, we'll never get to know Him. Ever. Don't believe me? Think about meeting a new person. If you talk the whole time, will you learn anything about the new person? I mean, besides that they are a good listener, or very patient?

Anyway, spending time handwriting His word has been more fulfilling than any pan of brownies. Doesn't mean I don't like brownies. I do. But I like God more. And I daily have to choose God over the other things I want to fill my life with, no matter how good they may be.

I want God plain and simple.

He wants the same from me...