Freedom in Confessing

So, in the back of my head, a thought has lurked...for over a year now.

I'm not promoting it, plugging it, or getting kick backs, so I just want to lay that out now.  I forgot to post this post last year about it, so here is a link I just found among my "drafts."  This post has a lot of my personal history of hCG...

Anyway, on my "Diet Reviews" page I talk about hCG.  At least for me, maybe other hCGers would disagree, but for me, "hCG" is always a thought in the back of my head whenever I spin out of control or "tip the scale."  And by a "thought that has lurked" over the last year, I literally mean, is has plagued my mind until very recently, numerous times throughout the day.

So, I've been praying about it.  Not praying if I should do it again or not or flaky praying like, "Oh dear Jesus, since I keep thinking about it, it must be a sign from You telling me to do hCG..."  Not that kind of praying.

Praying for God to take those plaguing thoughts AWAY and replace them with loving thoughts toward myself.

I'm not kidding.  In the course of one day, I saw two license plates with HCG as the three final letters.  There's no telling what the Enemy of our hearts will do to monopolize our thoughts from living freely and focusing on things that are more important than thighs that "HIGH-FIVE" every time they cross paths!  I REALIZE THIS!  THERE ARE STARVING PEOPLE AND SLAVE-TRAFFICKED CHILDREN AND WOMEN BEING ABUSED BY THEIR HUSBANDS AND LOTS OF MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN THE WORLD...THAT'S WHY IT'S BEEN FRUSTRATING TO HAVE THESE THOUGHTS CONTINUALLY BE AT MY DOORSTEP!

hCG was a great jump start for me, especially to figure out my food sensitivities, but I tell you what.  The structure.  The results.  I mean, I hadn't seen my triceps EVER and who knew the lunges I had done for years on freaking end had really produced muscles in my thighs since there was still a coating of fat covering them?  Who knew?!

So, all that to say, in the last 3 months as I've gone up and down 10 to 15 pounds, hCG has been my mental scapegoat, thinking to myself, "Well, if I can't get my act together, I can always do that...one more time..."

But, BUT, BUTTTTTTTT!  I want to tell you!  The discouragement was only part of the picture and I knew in my heart doing hCG one more time was NOT the answer.

Literally, Jesus was.  Is.  The.  Answer.

No more excuses.  No more abusing my body by bingeing and then wallowing in shame and guilt.  Which, here's an acronym I learned recently to describe the mentality and faulty thinking which lies deep beneath a BINGE:

Believing
I'm
Not
Good
Enough

The morning after Easter I woke up feeling a freedom I'm not so sure I've ever felt.  I had eaten way too much, and consumed several of my allergens on Easter so felt horribly, both physically and emotionally, when I had gone to bed Sunday night.  I had even planned to just head out and buy "one more bottle of hCG" just to snap out of it.  Just to "get your friggin' act together, Adrienne!"

But, Monday morning I woke up free.

Eff.

Arr.

Eee.

Eee.

FREE!

I wasn't hungry.  I wasn't thinking about food.  I crept quietly to the kitchen where I keep my Bible on my desk and opened it to feast for a bit.  I sat quietly with the Lord and thanked Him for the sense of renewal and that my thoughts were literally clear from all things hCG.

And, all week, I have walked in this freedom.  None of my circumstances have changed.  I'm still working upwards of 80 hours a week coordinating my non-profit organization to get it off the ground to host a Midwest retreat in less than two months.  (If you live in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, North Dakota, South Dakota, Iowa or anywhere around the Midwest, here's a link. )

Anyway, my point in sharing is this:  God gets all the glory in this.  I have tried, and tried, and tried, and tried my whole life, with my own strength, and my own effort, and failed miserably.  Every.  Single.  Time.

I finally stopped asking God to bless my effort.

I don't have time to selfishly allow food to consume my thoughts.  There is too much to do in the world and I have way too many dreams to allow an addiction to hold me back.

It seems as I am learning to love myself God is showing me more and more how He's loved me this whole time, even when I hated myself the most...


*What are your dreams?  What do you think is holding you back from running with the dreams the Lord literally put into your DNA?!  Are they worth the addiction?!