I Ask Myself...

How is it a person you know and love, say, like your husband, just as an example, can encourage you and tell you something repeatedly, like something specific to do, but then when a stranger, say, like a professional counselor, just as an example, tells you the exact same thing, it's profound and motivating and just what your heart's been seeking?

I mean, just as an example, of course...

So, when I've gone to counseling before (with this same lady almost 2 years ago, now...) I have a sense of time, money and urgency driving what I say and what I leave out.  I know we are on the clock and that clock's ticking so I'd better cut through the crap and get to the good stuff...or it's cut through the good stuff and get to the crap?  They both work...

Anyway, after filling out my intake "tattle tale" sheet which has a column on the left of symptoms, behaviors, or problemos and then columns to the right labeled for "Self, Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Mother's Mother, Mother's Father, Father's Mother, Father's Father," I was trying to get a game plan in mind as to what all I should vomit all over share with the counselor.

I started with a brief overview of being a closet eater starting at a young age, family dynamics throughout the years, my more recent triggers, what I do in the face of stress, and how I feel passionate about my non-profit but don't know if I'll ever get to do anything with it...

Before I knew it time was up and she said, "I have an assignment for you."

I anxiously awaited.  Oh boy, an assignment!  This'll be good...I'm going to get a game plan for not eating out of stress...

She said:  When we meet again in two weeks, have your business plan ready to share with me regarding your non-profit.

I said:  Sweet, that sounds awesome!  Totally!  (Or something enthusiastic like this...)

I said:  Wait. One. Minute.  How come my husband can tell me I need to do this for several months but you tell me one time and I'm all motivated to go for it?!

I don't have an assignment for food...but I think she's onto something.  Like encouraging me to dream and focus on something positive, something about which I am passionate and I know God's called me to, rather than continue the cycle of beating the crap out of myself and spiraling down, down, down.

Next appointment, December 29th, 10 a.m.