The retreat was great! Honestly, the days and weeks leading up to it, I was just thinking of it as a retreat where I would only know one friend and where I'd just get up and share my story and then sit down...
It never occurred to me that God could have a bit more in mind...like that I would enjoy the retreat, feel refreshed, and come away with new perspective. I have a lot to digest...
Food wasn't even an issue this weekend. I didn't bring any bags of treats and even the chocolates (dairy) that were in my gift bag I slipped into another girl's bag. There was a buffet, like large camp cafeteria style, not so much FoodNetwork style, so, as you might imagine everything had dairy, gluten and eggs in it. I have recently learned I am allergic to dairy, gluten and eggs. I've been off gluten for over a year, so that wasn't a big deal, but I literally had been eating 2 eggs every morning with lots of sauteed veggies. Anyway, to say the least, it was interesting navigating the buffet, but I was safe with plain veggies, salads, fruit and meat. I thought I had found a glitch in the sweet tooth system when I discovered non-dairy creamer...you know the stuff...flavored, made out of corn syrup solids and stuff I can't pronounce because I failed chemistry. Anyway, I don't ever eat that stuff because I preferred the real, pure, cream from a cow. Well, after I had had 4 cups of decaf in two days with many a pump of hazelnut fake creamer, I read the fine print...there's casein. Did I mention there was significant bloating? So, just another reason why that stuff was bad for me in the first place. Maybe coconut milk creamer???
Anyway, much more exciting than that was the opportunity to get away, up in the beautiful mountains, and enjoy a little quiet and time with an old friend who is likely moving away. I met beautiful women with beautiful stories. I was honored and humbled to be able to share part of my story. When a short video was playing of Noah's journey, one I have seen a lot of times, I started choking back the tears. I really am blown away how much Ryan looks like his big brother!
Here are a few morsels I wrote down over the weekend that God put on my heart...I will be chewing on these for a while, for sure. I am typing them as I wrote them...you can get what you want from them:
- Satiate: 100% satisfaction in the Lord...satisfy my craving
- Will You, God, give me what You know I need, what You have designed, what Your will & plan is for me?
- It's easy to believe God for the really BIG things...but what about the details?
- There are seasons when God wants us to only have Him in order to draw closer and know our SOURCE.
- I don't know what's best for me...God does...so how do I place total trust in Him, then?
- Sometimes it may seem hour by hour, minute by minute, day by day.
- Coping mechanism - Let God fill that hole I am trying to fill...figuring out, "what is that hole?"
- Let my life song sing to you, knowing that my heart was true
- Hungry, You satisfy, Your love does not run dry
- Falling on my knees, offering all of me, Jesus You are all this heart is hungry for
- Lord, I've taken it up again...I lay it down...You know what is best for me.
- Lead me to the cross where Your blood poured out
- Rid me of myself, I belong to You...
- I live for You alone...
The girl who led worship is Rachel James. She is extremely talented and I had the chance over the weekend to spend time with her, learn some of her story, and be blessed to hear her use her gift of music for God. It might seem cheesy, but, to me, a non-musical human being, when Rachel's fingers touched that piano, it made the piano sing. Pray for her...God has her on a journey.
The bullet above that is in red...that's the one that struck my heart most profoundly...I'll share my guts about it tomorrow. Right now, though, I hear my yummy baby through the monitor and I can't wait to go scoop him up and smooch the heck out of him.
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