Days 8 and 9

So, instead of having to look at my mug every day, I thought I'd couple up on days.  Plus yesterday I didn't have a second to sit down at the computer.  And I think that was part of why I woke up looking like I did this morning...

Not the computer part, but the turbo-speed.  I was in go, go, go mode from the crack of dawn, and even after a great time sitting with my Favorite Guy, aka The Creator of the Universe, I just put it into overdrive all day and pressed on, without INTENTIONAL living.  Sure, I got a ton accomplished, but yesterday was a blur.  And my eating, it wasn't INTENTIONAL at all.  It was thrown in here and there during the day, and I didn't sit down until dinner when I was already at the end of my rope.

...and to a dinner that was a FLOP.  I made a coconut curry butternut squash soup that would have been better called a bisque or broth.  And it needed salt.  So I added it.  And I was mad the soup sucked, that is until I added salt, so I ate 2.5 bowls.  Because that makes sense, obviously.

To be completely candid and honest, for me it's easier to fast on just water than it is to think about which vegetables and whole foods are legit and which ones are on my "avoid" list for a time.  Food journaling is easy:  water, detox tea, cran-water, fish oil, probiotics, soluble fiber, more water.

Clearly I can't just drink water only for the rest of my life, though.

I thought about it yesterday, and am not trying to make His experience seem as though it wasn't life-altering and, quite frankly, world-changing, but Jesus wasn't a spouse or full-time mom when He fasted.  He was a single guy out in the desert and didn't have the distractions of day to day life because He was able to be INTENTIONAL about heading out of Dodge and just focusing on His time with His Father, be filled.

I'm trying to figure out how to do that while still living life at the same time.  I can't chuck my husband and kids for 40-days or 20-days or even a week to go sit at a cabin by myself with an endless supply of water.

INTENTIONAL living, my word for the year, means even when it gets hectic and both kids whine and I have to run an unexpected errand and my baby boy is sick and it's the week leading up to year six of saying goodbye to a tender sweet boy who I wish was in kindergarten, my eyes are INTENT on looking to God for strength, not coasting on my own,  INTENT on shutting out the noise while listening to His quiet leading, INTENT on stopping to breathe in and be filled by the One Who provides for me.

Maybe it was the animal protein I had post-workout b/c I felt shaky, or the handful of raisins I ate while giving Ry a snack?  Maybe it was the 2.5 bowls of salty soup, or the fact that I am out of my Natural Magic soluble fiber that cleans out the toxins I'm ridding each day (thankful more is on its way...)?  Or maybe it was the whining kids?  Or the 6 pieces of chemical-laden gum I chewed to keep my mouth from being dry (*another post on my auto-immune situation), and frankly, just occupied.

But this year, you would think I would have seen it in past years, I am seeing that perhaps my body has intuition about January 12th, 2007, and if I'm not INTENTIONAL about slowing down and allowing my heart to process the anniversary and reality of losing Noah on these particular days, I'll give into the stress.

I don't want to live like that...

So, there's no real point to this post, other than it's clear to see that my face took the brunt of whatever yesterday was all about.  And, I got a junior high sized zit on my chin and a teeny-tiny cold sore on my lip...more signs of both stress and detox.  Other than my face, I feel strong, and will try to figure out a good-for-me protein source as I continue to do my lifting program and this Daniel fast of veggies.

Here's something interesting, though, that I discovered.  On Wednesday morning I had a serving of kiwi and strawberries with a half cup of orange juice.  I don't drink juice just because the sugars go quickly into the bloodstream and spike my blood-sugar levels, but I had some anyway.

Yesterday when I woke up I had a "pooch" on my belly and my face was slightly more swollen.  Years ago a doctor told my dad the reason he had extra abdominal padding was because of his inability to process sugars as quickly as he consumed them.  I know fruit is good for us, but, eating clean and then just adding a bit of fruit, FOR ME, showed me I am sensitive and need, even fruit, in light moderation.

Day 8 - I didn't want to wake up Jason so I moved downstairs for this pic.  After fruit from the morning before I was a bit more sluggish this day and had a belly "pooch" which had not been there the prior day. 

Day 9 - And this, dear friends, was me this morning.  From the lighting behind me, you can see I slept in.  From the wrinkles on my forehead, you can see I slept hard (weird dreams, ALL NIGHT LONG), and from my puffiness, you can see my salt intake yesterday and stress of go, go, going was out of balance.

Here's to a new day.

Questions:  Have you discovered what triggers affect you or cause you to eat without INTENTION?  Have you discovered which foods cause puffiness or bloating or other responses in your body?  Do you have any tips to share about how to incorporate time with God and fasting into a continued busy lifestyle? 

History of an Eater

The book I'm reading, "Stop Eating Your Heart Out," one, is totally awesome, and two, has assignments or exercises for 21 days, or you can spread it out over a longer period of time.  Anyway, the first exercise is to write out your food history.

Boy, that was fun.  Actually, I've done quite a bit of it here on "Confessions of a 2nd Grade Closet Eater" but I tried to go back chronologically from my very first memory of food and move forward from there.  It was a compelling exercise and brought to light some of the reasons I have chosen eating or food in general, over true nourishment.

Here are a few thoughts I wrote down in no particular order, some good, others notsomuch, and without a grammatical care in the world:

• "Clean your plate.  There are starving kids in Africa."
• We ate meals together as a family, and I liked that...
• Latchkey kid who ate crap while no one was looking because I think I was afraid or alone...Hershey syrup on saltines.
• My mom made balanced meals with veggies and protein.
• I loved going to my best friend's house for dinner b/c they ate at Taco Bell and McDonald's a lot.
• I ordered cheeseburgers and Shirley Temples whenever we went to a restaurant...that is, until I tasted fresh crab legs.
• We made homemade cookies together.  My mom didn't buy them.  I liked that.
• My mom packed healthy lunches.  In junior high I would sometimes throw my food in the trash and buy french fries and chocolate shakes.
• I remember in elementary school sitting on the toilet counting fat rolls on my belly, even though my arms and legs were long and lean.  Always had a round face.  (*this was enlightening in regard to my gluten/dairy/egg allergy and all I know about it NOW!)
• In High School I NEVER, EVER, EVER drank pop.  It was my "thing" I guess.  I cleaned up my eating somewhat and was involved in sports, so ate more for strength.  What a concept?
• I started dieting in 9th grade with bouts of Slim Fast shakes and weeks of Weight Watcher menus.
• "Don't eat that.  It will make you fat."
• Though I ate junk openly all growing up, the effects and conversation about it was more focused on weight/fat/appearance rather than avoiding certain foods for health and nutrition reasons.
• Gross:  in elementary school my big sister and I would fight over who got to gnaw on the juicy steak bone at my grandparents house...ewwww.
• In college at SAGA I lined up 2 waters and 2 Dr. Peppers across my tray at lunch and dinner.  I would also eat a Twix bar almost every day and Little Debbie shit at 11:00 at night on Mondays at Hall Meeting...the "Snack Chairwoman" would be BEAT if she forgot our carbs...
• When I crave it's always sugar and carbs, treats, "rewards", the forbidden foods - like forbidden fruit?
• In High School my grandparents told me they were worried about my weight (remember round face).  Who knew all along I was eating all my allergens?!  I have been 5'9ish since high school and weighed 140 when I graduated...and my grandparents were worried about my weight?!  Nice!  $%^&*  If that doesn't mess with a teenage girls' heart, I don't know what does.  Looking back, I wasn't actually FAT until I worked at NWC and ate dorm food like one of the kids!

Anyway, there are more and more nuggets I wrote down, but it's a good exercise to simply write your heart out on paper.  There's also an exercise to write a food journal in the book, which has been easy this last week while fasting :)  Ummm, liquids or veggies.

Without further ado, here's day 6.  (*I'll post day 5 prior to 6 so you can see, if any, changes.  Also, note, now that we are back in full swing of a school schedule, my first-thing-in-the-morning pictures are literally first-thing...like, uber early, so who knows if this experiment will show healthy benefits or just that I'm getting old ;)  )

Day 5

Day 6...and I promise that is a different white t-shirt!  I have 4!  Which is a #firstworldproblem but that's another post...when I said early, I mean, there may be bags :)  My sinuses are totally CLEAR!  No stuck joints this morning.  And, I did my lower body "Lift Like a Girl" program with craploads of energy!  Even extra reps...

I'll leave you with this, from a scripture card my friend printed and laminated for me years ago which I keep on my jewelry box sitting in my closet:

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.  I will praise you as long as I live, in your name I will lift up my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."  Psalm 63:3-5 NIV

Here it is in the Message:

"God - you're my God!  I can't get enough of you!  I've worked up such hunger and thirst for God, traveling across dry and weary deserts.  So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory.  In your generous love I am really living at last!  My lips brim praises like fountains.  I bless you every time I take a breath; My arms wave like banners of praise to you."

The Face of Detox

*Warning!!!  There very well may be expletives.  I don't know.  I'll just see how it all flows out of me...I warned you!


No way.  No how.

Huh-uh.

I wasn't going to share this portion of my journey.  I mean, who in their RIGHT mind actually posts crappy pictures of themselves on-line?  Right?!  Except I was curious.

I'll get to that in a minute...

I swung by for a visit with my 96 year-old grandpa the other day.  I was curious.  I mean, 96 is up there, you know?  Now, think about it.  My gramps was born in 1917.  He isn't the face of youth, currently, but he's likely older than you.  I asked him what he ate as a kid, growing up...how often his mom made baked goods.  This was his answer:

"I ate a lot of vegetables and fruit.  We ate potatoes, too.  We had meat a few times a week, not at every meal.  We ate a lot of fish and chicken, mostly.  Eggs.  We had cake or cookies maybe once a month or maybe twice...for a birthday or something.  We ate fruit for dessert.  You know what the problem is with everyone today?  They're eating too many damned processed foods, it's making everyone sick and obese.  No one needs to eat as much food as we seem to think we need in America."

I didn't even ask my grandpa "What the problem was..."  I just was curious what it was that he ate as a kid.  My grandpa doesn't even know what the Internet is.  He has a cell phone he rarely uses and watches a TV at his retirement home in between naps, but it's not like he's done 10-15 years of research like I've done, either in books or on-line, to know we've both come to the same conclusion...

...so, yes, that means I could have just asked my grandpa this forever ago and saved myself a lot of work.  But, I'm grateful to do the research and also to have it confirmed through wisdom which comes from history and time.

So, as I said, I was curious.  With the holidays I ate my fair share of treats, albeit gluten free and mostly egg free, but I ate bites here and there of my major food allergens, along with a little wine over the season which I had been off of for 3 months.

And I was feeling more and more crummy.  In the mornings I felt as if I'd been hit by a truck.  My knuckles were getting stuck in an arthritic position upon wakening.  My sleep sucked.  My joints were achy.  My eyes were puffy and my skin saggy and grayish.  I had major sinus drainage, gas, bloating, and had gained, easily, 10 lbs, which I could tell by only being able to wear one pair of jeans by the end of break...the not-so-skinny jeans.

Knowing me, I had to do something radical.  So, last Wednesday after conscious indulgence of chocolate and wine and even a regular gluten-y, egg, and buttery cookie, I declared to myself I was going to start a fast Thursday morning...and I wanted to take a picture of myself each morning specifically to see if my face would brighten just from eating healthier food.

My protocol is a combo of things I've done over the years and read here and there, but the premise was to start out on water and cran-water with arabinogalactan from Biosanes while taking my supplements (fish oil, pro-biotics, women's multi) for the first 6 days (I set that because from last Thursday to tomorrow, my birthday, is 6 days) and then I'd add vegetables for a time.

Well, how it's gone so far is day 1 was all liquids, day 2 I had a lettuce salad with roasted veggies at dinner (Jason's belated work Christmas party).  Day 3 I had liquids, including a "Virgin Mary" consisting of V8 and Garden of Life Greens with a shot of Tabasco.  Day 4, a lettuce salad with roasted veggies and salsa for lunch and kale and broccoli for dinner.  Day 5 (today), clear liquids.  Tomorrow will be day 6 and I'll have a meal with my family of lettuce and more roasted veggies at dinner, but I'll document that when it happens.

Then, for the rest of January I am going to eat veggies, one piece of fruit a day, and will eventually add in fish one week, chicken the next, and beef/bison/buffalo the final week.  Maybe.  I might just stick with veggies all month.  Because I feel so clean already.

My doctor is on board with all of this (saw him today) and recommended a non-genetically modified soy protein if I am not going to eat meat the rest of the month, ONLY because I am also currently on week 4 of a 15-week lifting program called, "Lift Like a Girl."  I've got some pipes.  Don't mess ;)

So, starting tomorrow, I'll get you up to date, but, oh my gosh, let's just say, who the hell needs a picture of some other girls ripped abs or tight thighs to motivate when all I had to do was scare the hell out of myself by taking a first-thing-in-the-morning self-portrait?!  Actually, that was the cherry on top...the way I was FEELING was more of my motivation!  I took the pictures to see if how I felt matched how I actually looked in the mirror.

Yep.  It did.

But, seriously!  I'm not interested in looking at a picture of some other girl's great arms as inspiration...I'm more interested in taking charge of my own health, being a good steward of this temple God has called "me", and seeing my own healthy arms in the mirror one day.  Looking at a magazine with retouched pictures of women with rad bodies doesn't inspire me, instead it makes me want to eat more chocolate.

Looking at myself in these pictures has had the OPPOSITE effect!

So, without further ado, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap...*the following are untouched first-thing-in-the-morning pictures.  Brace your friggin' self!

Day 1- holy shit...Thursday, 1/3, Happy Friggin' New Year, Adrienne!  Point taken.

After one day of liquids and one seriously tough mother Zumba workout with the Amazing Ashleigh at HotFitness in Castle Rock, CO

Day 2 - okay...so I don't look like I was hit by a truck, right?!  Well, maybe a small one.  One day.  ONE, people.

Day 3 - feeling good, less sinus drainage, but joints still stuck in morning, and yes, I wore the same pajama shirt...

Day 4 - Em in background with her new short haircut,  looking a little puffy, likely from salt in salsa and roasted veggies, but feeling good, minus achy muscles from lifting like a girl.  Okay, yeah, I need to throw that shirt in the wash...

Day 5 - I wore an orange t-shirt to bed and it made the first picture coloration weird, so I slung a white towel over my chest.  Also was trying to avoid a porn shot of Jason in the shower behind me...anyway, woke up feeling great.  Sinus drainage almost entirely gone, no stiff joints this morning, just sore pipes.  No stinky gas or bloating.  And, and, AND I fit in my favorite jeans.  AND, and, And, I don't miss sugar or starches AT ALL.

 And here's a last pic I took just a couple of hours ago.  I do have on eye make up and some bronzer, which works friggin' miracles, but I wouldn't want to leave you with a horror shot from the previous pictures in your head.  You don't need nightmares.  I'm nice like that.

If ANYONE is interested in doing a Daniel Fast (which, by the way, ROCKS, when doing along with reading and studying the actual book of Daniel!!!) or just cleaning up and breaking free from food addiction (*reading THIS right now...) and want to join me here or share your experience, let me know :)  I always like team sports!

I don't know how to add a "Linky" but maybe someone who does could tell me...???

See you tomorrow, bright and early!  Ugh.

Day 2

Good morning!

Just so you can get an idea of how quickly my body responds to clearing out allergens and refined carbohydrates, let me share my journey from yesterday to this morning.

Yesterday I got up, had hot lemon water and spent some time with God.  I spent some time with Jillian Michaels doing one of her twenty minute 30-day Shred videos.  I drank tons of water throughout the day. I had a big green drink for breakfast (RAW by Garden of Life).  Ry and I got Em off to school, ran some errands, took both kids to the dentist, Em back to school, then Ry and I headed home for lunch.  I had an enormous greens and herb salad with 4-5oz of chicken, a Pink Lady apple, and some homemade dressing I made up w/Apple Cider Vinegar, Balsamic, stevia, 1 tsp of "21 Salute Seasoning" from Trader Joe's.  For dinner I made shrimp lettuce wraps with green onion, cilantro, mango, cucumber, ACV, turmeric, cayenne, smoked paprika, and salt.  (For the rest of the family I made a peanut sauce and rice noodles.)

I was not hungry all day.  I did not go to bed hungry.  In addition to lots of water throughout the day, I also had a little green tea with stevia.

Yesterday morning my weigh-in was 139.6 lbs.

This morning my weigh-in was 136.0 lbs.

I wasn't trying to lose 3.6 lbs in one day.  I just know how quickly my body responds to taking out culprits.

I did have a carb/sugar withdrawal headache last evening, but after a good night sleep, it's gone and I feel energized this morning.

Have a great day!  I just finished my morning Yoga and am going to get my kids some breakfast.

Cheers!

Motivation

So, it's only 3:23 pm and I am exhausted.  I just woke up from a small cat nap in the hammock.

70 degrees + Colorado + sunshine + 1 hammock + a great book = a bit of bliss (and an inability to keep my eyes open..)

Florence and the Machine brought me back to life as I finished the dishes and snapped out of my reverie.

Anyway, the tiredness is no doubt a result of greeting the sunrise today, as I posted on my "Cleanse/Detox Schedule."  But I'm not complaining.  When I write things down, I do them.  Somehow it takes the commitment from simply verbal or intentional to action on a greater plane.

Maybe that works for you, maybe not.  But when I decide something, commit my heart and will to it, and then WRITE IT DOWN, it motivates me.

As a result, I had some sweet time reading my new Remix version of The Message, given to me by my loving daughter, handsome son, and insanely faithful husband.  I multi-tasked this time with a cup of hot lemon water in my favorite mug.  And by "multi-tasked" I mean, hot lemon water activates your liver to start doing its job for the day.  This time went longer than expected, but spending time with the Lord doesn't ever suck, so I went with it.

However, it did not keep me from doing the inevitable:  taking my measurements.

I jotted them down, but with excitement rather than contempt.  This is a big step for me, people, because I know I've gained weight as a result of not making healthy choices and not being sweet to my body, so previously I probably would have dreaded taking measurements.

But today I woke up motivated, excited, and determined to show myself love by first fueling with God's word, then making healthy choices for living.

Still not sure if I have the balls to post a "before" picture, but I will share something I found quite fascinating.  I made a Word document with four columns of my measurements I recorded over the last year and a half.  It's pretty cool, even if my measurements from today show I've gained several inches around my body.

10/23/10

Wt:  170.4
Neck:  13 1/2
Rt. Arm:  14
Chest:  38
Waist:  31 1/2
Stomach:  38 1/2
Hips:  40
Rt. Thigh:  25
Rt. Calf:  15 1/2
Rt. Ankle:  8 1/2

7/19/11

Wt:  145.0
Neck:  13 1/4
Rt. Arm:  13
Chest:  37
Waist:  29
Stomach:  34
Hips:  36 1/4
Rt. Thigh:  23
Rt. Calf:  14 1/2
Rt. Ankle:  8 1/2

8/30/11

Wt:  131.2
Neck:  12 1/4
Rt. Arm:  11 1/2
Chest:  34
Waist:  26
Stomach:  29 1/2
Hips:  34 1/2
Rt. Thigh:  21
Rt. Calf:  14
Rt. Ankle: 8

5/14/12

Wt:  139.6
Neck:  13
Rt. Arm:  12 1/2
Chest:  38
Waist:  29 1/2
Stomach:  34 1/2
Hips:  35 1/2
Rt. Thigh:  23
Rt. Calf:  14 1/4
Rt. Ankle:  8

My goals include losing several inches off my arms, thighs, chest, waist, and stomach.  When I cleaned up my act which reflects the results from 8/30/11, I did not do any sort of exercise.  I can't wait to have pipes and be strong, full of muscle and tons of energy.  Mostly, I am looking forward to a mind which is whole and healed as a result of prayer and feeding my body and brain whole foods.

Will you be joining me on this journey?

Friday Weigh-In

I'm kind of cranky but it's part of the process, maybe?!  My weigh-in this morning was 139.6 lbs.

I threw out my back after hauling an armoire from the 2nd floor to the basement with my husband.  I was so revved up to work out all week long and then spent the last 4 days stretching instead. 

The other thing that busts my chops is that I've been juicing 2x a day for a week and a half.  WTH?

And, the other thing that busts my chops is that 139.6 lbs, a year ago, would have been cause for celebration.  Now I have one nice soft roll when I sit down and two thighs that give each other a high five when they pass by.  I'm 5 to 7 lbs off my mark and it's crazy how much of a difference it makes

Last Friday I guess I forgot to type in my weight, but I know it was 137.4 lbs. 

One thing we talked about at group counseling the other night was about "Maintenance."  When I got to that circle on the chart I wrote in my notes the first things that came to mind. 

They were:

1. How do I find sustainability?
2. How do I keep it "fresh," say, like a marriage needs to be kept fresh to stay alive?

Then, the picture of math came into my head, which is rare so that means I should listen.  I saw an angle with degree points and straight lines at each degree.  As the lines, all one degree apart, traveled out of the center of the angle you could definitely see space between the lines.

Translation:  As far as "Maintenance" goes, sometimes I have to tweak my behavior just one degree to make a lasting change.  Stop looking at the Big Picture and just make one small change, each day, one day or step at a time because it does make a difference in the long run.

And one of those steps is I'm going to start weighing in again every morning (have only been doing Fridays) and am keeping a food journal.  These two small steps seem to help me focus a little.

Also, I'm starting my marathon walking schedule next week so if I can't cut those pounds off walking 450+ training miles in 5 months, then I guess they're meant to stay.  (But they're not...)

Tracking

Besides last Friday, I haven't weighed myself in the mornings for the last week and a half.  This, surprisingly, isn't necessarily good or bad.  It's kind of neutral...kinda.  And by "kinda" I mean, it's neutral in my head because I haven't been obsessed with numbers lately, but as a way to track something tangible, I'm not ready to pitch the scale just yet.

I know some people don't own scales and go simply by how their clothes fit, or if they fit.  I didn't own a scale for over 15 years and went by that method...the only problem was I would just go buy new clothes when the other ones didn't fit.  And by "new clothes" and "didn't fit" I mean a bigger size. 

For me, one size on the label can span a good 10 lbs, easily.  Just because I can still zip the jeans doesn't mean they fit, per se.  Hello, muffin top!

And, another change that has likely occurred because I've been busier than busy is I haven't written anything down in my food journal in over a month.  This mode of tracking health, weight loss, food sensitivities and such is one thing I need to revisit.

Here's a link to another blog, Healthful Pursuit by Leanne Vogel, where the girl designed her own food journal entry form.  I am going to use it as a guide, but not all of the components work for me and I'm also not a fan that one print out equals one day...I like to save paper and am a bit of a minimalist when it comes to this, so I'll be tweaking this.  However, either way, it's a great resource to track food sensitivities and how my body feels after consuming certain foods.  And, it'll be a good way to track the reason why I ate...

I already know, for a fact, that if I even look at a grain, I puff up, like a hot popcorn kernel, a puffed piece of rice cereal, or like this guy...Okay, maybe not exactly like him, but I do retain fluids, feel bloated, have achy joints (especially my left knee, wrists and fingers), ringing in my ears, have dark circles under my eyes and plump sausage fingers upon waking, and feel groggy in the morning when I've eaten too many grains (any simple sugars) in a day. 

When I don't eat grains or literally eat them once a week, I have tons of energy, can spring out of bed, my skin clears, my joints feel fine, and overall, I'm a nicer person and just feel healthy. 

Everyone is different and what works for you may not work for me, and vice versa.

But, let me ask you this:  If you never eliminate a potential culprit, how would you even know if you have a sensitivity or not? 

You wouldn't.

As a mom to a one year old, this time around, I actually followed the doc's advice and introduced one food at a time to my baby.  Oh the novelty!  Sheer brilliance, I say!  This concept can be practiced with older kids and adults, as well, when trying to figure out food sensitivities and culprits, but instead of introducing foods, you are eliminating foods.  And though it's a little harder, it's not impossible! (My 9 year old is allergic to wheat and dairy but has eaten them since toddlerhood...guess how fun it is to eliminate cheesy-dillas?!)  Just find great alternatives, continue to serve them, and they'll either hate the new option and skip it altogether, or develop their palate for the new taste.  No one needs quesadillas, so it's really not the end of the world, for Pete's sake :)

The Elimination Diet isn't hard unless you are addicted to starches and sugars, dairy or your particular allergen. There's a lot of information on the website "The World's Healthiest Foods" linked in the previous sentence, but it's scientific and medically based, so take their advice, not mine, and above all else, listen to your own body and how you feel!  If you feel crummy, listen!  If you feel fantastic, that's your body saying, "More of that good stuff, please!"

I'm digressing!  My point is, I'm going to start tracking my food throughout the day again so I'm more conscious of what I'm eating and why, and then also track how I feel each day.  In the past I've written down my food intake for a number of reasons, but mostly just to track weight loss or gain.  Honestly, I am comfortable with that number on the scale from last week, but I'm more interested right now in knowing how I feel and which foods help me feel my best and which ones take me down dark alleys.  I've always been told to avoid dark alleys...

Counseling countdown:  3 days.  I'm looking forward to December 8th at 11:00 am when I head to counseling to talk about this more in depth with a professional.  If you are putting off that appointment, ask yourself why?  Why would you put off something that offers potential healing and freedom?  Maybe you don't need it, maybe just I do...but one thing I know is I am looking forward to this next season of my life...

...the season where I'm finally free to be me!