One Foot in Front of Another

You know, walking is something you learn.  It's not just something you do one day, like you just get up and go or something.

Now, some of you are saying I must be crazy because their child did just hop up and start toddling all around the house one day...

BUT, you forget.  I am a mid-life crisis mom to a 16 month old son who is showing me exactly what the process of walking looks like.

And it's not just a move where perfection is achieved off the bat.

It's been a blast watching Ryan develop.  To be honest, I'm humbled by it and honored to be able to take it all in.  On his 9 month birthday he started doing the military crawl.  At first it resembled a first week Private or Recruit in Basic Training.  As he continued to crawl each day I'd say he climbed the ranks and was worthy of Master Sergeant Ryan Crawler title by the time he was walking around furniture, holding onto it.  Then we started holding onto his fingers, teaching him how to walk. 

Around Christmas, New Years and my birthday recently, Master Sergeant Ryan Crawler took his first steps.  And by "first steps" I mean, he stood up, unassisted, letting go of the furniture.  As the days passed his strength grew and he would take one step and sit back down.  But, he certainly wasn't worthy, and isn't even today, of the title Master Sergeant Ryan Walker. 

He's still a Private.  Actually, to be honest, the kid's a Seaman Recruit.  He's not puking or dizzy like a new boy on his first submarine, but he does resemble a drunk guy on his first free weekend.

Each day, though, he's training and getting better at walking.  He's growing stronger.  He's gaining confidence.

He falls.

He stumbles.

He has had a few wipe outs.

But he still gets up and tries, each day, about 77 different times each day.  He tries.  And as he does, I watch him, cheer him on, coax him with my open arms, his favorite books, lots of slobbery kisses and his sippy cup.

He smiles HUGE and starts toward me, one foot in front of (or kind of side to side) the other.

The point is:  I'm doing the same thing here.  I'm learning how to do this healthful living one choice at a time.

Not even one day at a time, but one choice at a time.

One foot in front of the other.  As Ryan develops, I'm learning about life, just watching him.

Today I'd say I rank in the lower realm of the Sergeant sector. 

Maybe by November 4th I'll be the Commander in Chief of my own health and body?!  And even then, we all know, I won't be perfect ;)


(I'm juicing veggies, eating tons of salads with leans meat and veggies, and praying and filling my soul with Words that bring real life and nourishment.  However, I'm still recovering from the holidays and my birthday where I indulged.  Chocolate, honey/rosemary/chipotle pecans and red wine are some of my down falls lately.  I'm learning moderation.  Hey, at least I'm not eating Mexican chips for breakfast, lunch and dinner anymore!  And that's one step in the right direction!)

 Ryan recently discovered this drawer, which no longer houses my baking stones.  He's also enjoying magnetic A,B,C's on the side of the fridge as he takes breaks from walking the halls of our house all day.  Those were Em's navy boots when she was a babe.  What?  No.  I don't bother wiping his mini fingerprints off my stainless.  I'd be doing it non-stop.

*I'm still trying to figure out how to post a video...anyone know how?  I'm technically not a genius ;)  Or rather, I'm not a technical genius...you decide.  j/k

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I have ALWAYS lied about my weight. 

By "ALWAYS" I guess I should think about that.  I've lied about it since High School when I was old enough to realize my friends weighed less than me.

I even lied on my very first driver's license by 5 lbs.  I guess even back then the number in my head and on the scale didn't match.  I don't remember what number I wrote down, but I know it wasn't the truth.

But 5 or 10 lbs has always been my "lie buffer."  I'm not justifying it.  A lie is a lie.  I've done it for so long regarding my weight that I guess it's become the norm to shave a few pounds off on paper work.

15 years ago my father-in-law took me to get my driver's license renewed in Minnesota.  I wish you all could have known Steve Graves.  He was the life of the party and made everyone he met feel like a zillion bucks.  I loved that guy!  Anyway, I had a good hair day and was feeling good because a student and I from the college where I worked had been getting up at the crack each morning and working out.  I did not lie on that driver's license.  My smile was genuine because I was looking at Steve trying to hold in a laugh while the girl took my picture.  Did I mention I was 145 and it was a good hair day?

Fast forward to 2002.  Jason and my pregnant belly and I had just moved from Minnesota to Colorado and I had to get a new driver's license.  I was 198 lbs pregnant with gelato/custard/chocolate chip cookie weight, thought it was a good idea to let my hair go curly that day, and had on a large and in charge barf/Pepto pink maternity shirt. 

I side-looked over each shoulder as I wrote: 150 in the weight category...5'10" in the height category...and Blue in the box for eye color. 

You see, 5'9" to 9 1/2" has always been Five Ten for me (because in my head it helped distribute the weight...and it sounds runway-ish)

150 was a hellofalot better than 198, so writing that was a no-brainer.

And, my eyes are blue.  And they are also green.  And it just depends on the day.  So, I guess that day they were blue.

My 40th birthday is Sunday.  The Department of Transportation is closed Sunday so I'm headed to get a new driver's license AND picture today.  The information will be as follows:

Height:  5'9"
Weight:  135
Eyes:  (I guess we'll have to see, but this morning they have a blue outer ring with a green center...which is too long to enter into the small box that wants a straight answer so maybe I'll go with green for the next 10 years?  Who knows?)

So there you have it.  So there I have it.  I worked my buns off over the last year to lose weight and gain health and a new perspective.  It wasn't so I'd be able to tell the truth on my driver's license though that is now an added bonus.  It was because I always knew the 5 to 10 lb lie buffer had truth in it.

It feels good to finally tell the truth ;)

I'm okay. Are you okay?

My post from yesterday I said, "And four, but not an exhaustive list by any means, He knew Satan would tempt me on more than one occasion and that I'd hit bottom one day but finally look up to Him, my Source, to find what it was I was searching for in the first place."

A friend shot me a text and wondered if I was okay.

Totally!

I am feeling so great about this year, about my plan of action, writing and launching my non-profit business plan, counseling (both my individual and the group for ladies I joined)...I'm feeling balanced and healthy about turning 40, health and nutrition, exercise and building muscles to offset the aging :)  I am inspired to organize and purge every corner of my house.  I'm psyched about leaving as little and dainty a carbon footprint on the earth this year by continuing to recycle and reuse old jewelry for my business and other random crafts I have in the basement from the last 15 plus years.  (Goal: not to buy ONE craft supply all year unless it's a vintage piece...)

I didn't mean that I was currently at rock bottom, or feeling like I was there.  I simply meant that God provides ahead of time for us so that when we do go through tough times, we can be filled by Him and gain some perspective.

Nope.  I feel good. 

No.  I feel GREAT!  I am slowly gaining strength physically, spiritually, emotionally, and otherwise, as I trust that God is who He says He is and take one day at a time. 

I have a busy year ahead and don't really have time to sit around and eat out of boredom, anyway.  And, in the last week when I did get stressed and reach for a snack, it was a healthy one.  A whole food type of treat.  Lots of carrots/apples/dates/salad/walnuts/lean meat/raw veggies and fruit...healthy stuff.

I'll be doing the Avon Walk in the Rocky Mountains June 23-24 with my little sister and anyone else who will join us...so that means in 24 weeks which means that my 20-week training schedule is pinned to my wall and getting crossed off already.  And training means proper nutrition and rest!  You can't just cold turkey 39.3 miles, hello!

I'm hosting a retreat for women in the Midwest early summer so I'm getting my team together and getting all that figured out.  Details to come...

And, I'm a wife to the best guy on earth and mom to one fabulous, intelligent and beautiful 9 year old and a now walking 16 month old.

This overeating business has been all about me...well, this life isn't all about me.  I'm here amongst a great group of billions of other God-created people and it's up to me to gain perspective in the midst of that journey of who I am and why God made me.

My life may not all be in order, because let's be honest, that'll never happen, but it's in perspective because HE'S in perspective which puts me in a really good place...and the rest just kind of follows.

So yeah, I'm okay.  Are you okay?

Food for Thought

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life.  He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."  John 6:35

Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst.  Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."  John 4:13-14

"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work."  John 4:34

As a person whose thoughts have been bombarded with food oftentimes throughout my short life (currently writing this post as a 39 year and 51 and a half week old...) initially reading the quotes above were annoying.  I mean, really, why would the God of the whole wide world have to use metaphors when speaking to us humans?  And especially about food?  Why not just say, "I'm all you'll ever need...I'm better than sex, food, money, tequila and even chocolate...just hang out with Me and trust Me?" 

He actually did say all those things in different ways, but He also knew that one day I would need to read those verses to be encouraged that true satisfaction, satiation, quenching, fulfillment, all those things, could only be filled by Him.  

He knew that I would be dissatisfied on this earth because I wasn't intended for here, trying to fill myself with things other than Him, other than His will, things that were only temporarily fulfilling. 

He knew my issues would be with food...and I wouldn't be the only one. 

So, He saw fit to write it down.  In ink.  On pieces of skin and dried leaves.  In the hearts of people who would be obedient to pass it on, who may have even struggled with the same things.

He provided for me because He's always provided for me...for all of us.

Some might think, "How did He know your issues would be with food?  Why would He let you go through something, conflict, a difficult time, addiction, loss, pride, heartache, grief, (not only talking food here, obviously, but trials of all kinds...) if He's really a loving God?"

Well, one, He made me.  And He made you...whether you believe that or not.  Two, He knew because He's super smart, I mean, you try designing a Universe...it's totally not easy.  Three, He's not Santa Claus, so don't even get me started on that one...we live on earth so crap happens and just because we ask an old guy for something because we've been good doesn't mean it'll be under our tree (that's another post!!!).  And four, but not an exhaustive list by any means, He knew Satan would tempt me on more than one occasion and that I'd hit bottom one day but finally look up to Him, my Source, to find what it was I was searching for in the first place.

So, as I've been going to Him during times of "bored eating" He has provided these scriptures, these truths, for me to feast on.  I hope they'll encourage and fill you, too!

Holy Guacamole!

I didn't realize how busy the last month was until I looked at the date of my last post here. 

Wowsers!  I feel like Fall and the beginning of Winter have gone by quickly already! 

Anyway, I blogged in my head a few times but I don't suppose I hit "post..."

I went to counseling the week before Christmas where my counselor gave me the assignment of drawing up a business plan.  Then we headed to Mexico to enjoy some time together as a family, as well as meet up with some of our dearest friends.  Our trip overlapped by 4 days so it was a great treat to my heart to make memories and swap stories with people we love.  My 16 month old did great, though he wasn't totally sure about sand.  My 9 year old had a blast spelunking for shells and chasing waves with her friends.  She also didn't mind the three day passes we got to enjoy at the all-inclusive where our friends stayed.

"What?  You mean I can eat guacamole and get fruity tropical drinks all day just because I'm wearing this ugly plastic bracelet?!  Cool!!"

And eat we did.  We stayed at another friend's place that had a full kitchen so we headed to the grocery store the first day and stocked up on avocados, fresh salsa, totopos (thick, thick corn chips found in Mexico that rock the chip world...), almond milk, cactus and bananas, oh, and pork rind.  Just KIDDING!  EWWW!  But seriously, they do have 2'x2' pieces of fried pork rind hanging in the deli section of the store.  My friend Russ from Louisiana would like that, but me, notsomuch.

Anyway, I have to tell you the good, the bad and the ugly.  There was no scale at the condo but I was on vacation and really my thoughts weren't wrapped up with numbers or if I was going to post a Friday weigh-in.  I was actually pretty proud of myself.  I knew from many past trips to Mexico, however, plus confirmed blood work that my totopo consumption would gradually catch up with me, but I wasn't freaked out about that either. 

I mean, I was actually relaxed and enjoyed my vacation.  That may not seem like a novel idea to you, you know...to relax on vacation, but in the past when my brain was in a bad place, food thoughts could ruin my outlook and attitude toward everything.

So, yeah.  I went through a breakfast buffet and chose yummy food in proper proportions with a healthy helping of fresh veggies and fruits as the focal points.  I ate more than the average helpings of guacamole and totopos every day.  I went through a dinner buffet and skipped over all my allergens and had just veggies and meat, even skipping the dessert because it just didn't look that great.  We ate at some fabulous restaurants and I ate normal portions of great quality food instead of filling up on stuff that was simply available...just because it was there.

It was like I had my head on straight or something crazy like that :)

And, for my friends out there that know of my love for Margaritas...well, I found a new tasty drink that is void of sugar that I now prefer over Margaritas.  I know!  You just spit whatever you were eating out of your mouth and your kid is looking at you, but it's true!  Tequila, a fresh lime and mineral water does the trick.  And if you want it sweet, like I did, I just added a packet of Stevia.  It's called a "Tequila Macho" and it's yummy.

I did discover another new yummy treat, especially if you aren't known to drink.  70% or higher chocolate, fresh dates (pitted, obviously) and raw pecans.  Take nibbles of each in one mouthful and it's super satisfying and yummy!  My friend salted hers which was an added bonus!

Did the chips catch up with me?

Yep.

In addition to some fancy bloating, I broke out in hives on day 5 of 8.  About 5 trips ago to Mexico when that happened I had to get a shot in my bomba (good thing I minored in Spanish in college and could navigate their local medical center!), but now I know why it happens and so, as hard as it was, I backed down from the chips.  And by "backed down" I slowed my consumption but I also knew that until I got my American buns out of Mexico, I wouldn't be able to resist totopo yumminess.  It helped.  The hives subsided and, literally, the morning after I got home to a chip free environment, the hives were gone.

And, a first.  I will tell you, I allowed my husband to take a picture of me in my bathing suit which literally I've only allowed while pregnant because I'm supposed to be rotund!  I always loved and embraced by pregnant belly.  And besides, no one knew my pregnant thighs were just as big when I wasn't pregnant :)  But he has known now for 20 years that a picture of me in a bathing suit is about as allowable as the Pope getting married.

The act of having this picture of me, and not deleting it already from the camera or computer, is a huge step for me.  I'm learning to love myself and chill out a little.  

I didn't bring home any Mexican gut bugs, but what I did bring home, though, was a renewed attitude, a better outlook, a fresh ambition for life in general and 3 more sun spots.

Oh yeah...I had a counseling visit after I returned from Mexico and shared my business plan with her.  I have another appointment next week, but first, starting tonight for the next 8 weeks, I'm going to a women's only group session...one on freedom from addiction.  

Happy NEW Year!  Happy NEW You!  Happy NEW Me!

(Here's the pic...I never said it was full-length, but it's a start for me.  And no, I won't be posting full-length pics of me in my suit eh-ver.  Just the fact that I wore one in public without a cover-up on from head to toe was a big deal for me.  I'm starting to embrace my almost 40 year old self and I'm good!)